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08 October 2012 @ 09:26 pm
Apparently, I'll Never Not Be Pissed About It.  
So this past weekend was a year since I had my concussion. I was noting recently how I just have times when I can’t seem to function properly - like if I am overly tired, having womanly hormones or have pushed myself too hard. I have just never come back from it fully. It really makes me wonder how athletes do it. I was suffering severe symptoms for three months afterwards, lesser symptoms for six months, and even still to this day a bad cold can lay me out in a way it didn’t use too.


I just remember the worst part being the anxiety of no one knowing what was wrong with me. I didn’t talk about it much on LJ because this was my happy place to get away from the anxiety, but it was utterly nerve-wracking. I was watching an episode of ‘House’ the other day and the sick person was saying something like, “You don’t know what it’s like to know there is something wrong with your body and have no one believe you. To have them keep running tests and finding nothing and sending you away. You would think finding out you are going to die is the worst thing but it’s not. Not knowing is the worst thing.” It really jolted me because I know that feeling.

I was sure it was a concussion but the doctors at the local hospital never even looked at the lump on my head. Not once. The tech and my nurse were both horrified by the size of it and the fact that I had a scab there proving it had actually bled. But the doctors? ‘No, you didn’t have a seizure’ - (my sister told them if one more doctor told her that, as if she doesn’t know what a seizure looks like, that she was taking me out of there - now I wish she had) - and that ‘there wasn’t any bleeding in my brain, so it couldn’t be a concussion’. I mean, how stupid is that? You can have a concussion without bleeding in your brain - even I know that.

Later it was pointed out to me, by more competent people, that the scab was from the corner of the medicine cabinet literally stabbing into my head. And that it was in the soft spot of my skull - (adults have one too, it just isn’t as vulnerable as when we are babies) - and apparently it is the section of your brain that controls your breathing, heart rate, all that stuff that was completely wonky in me for weeks afterwards. Even when I started throwing up, they insisted I just had the flu, that it wasn’t a concussion. I spent months being terrified that I was dying and that no one would know what was wrong with me until after they did my autopsy, when I was dead. Because they just kept telling me that they couldn’t find anything and sending me away.

Let’s not even talk about how I had injuries from the seizure itself that no one bothered to check out, no matter how much I complained about pain. Turns out I popped my rib out of joint and it’s never going to stay completely in place again.

It was terrible and I wish it on no one.

And while we are on the subject of head injuries - people need to stop having them! I have had two friends in bicycle accidents in the last month, no helmets, and both suffering severe concussions - one that makes my head injury look like a candy-parade. One of the people was chased by a dog and the other hit by an elderly driver. They are both doing okay now, but they will be feeling it for months to come. And my Canadian Nephew fell down a flight of stairs, head first. A week before it happened, my brother was telling me how he had been nosing around the stairs with interest and yet, they apparently didn’t put up the baby gate. He ended up vomiting twice afterwards and the ER docs insisted he just had the flu. I call bullshit on that, but thankfully he is better now.

My point is…medical shit sucks ass, please wear your helmets when out riding your bicycles because you may be a good rider but the other people out there are stupid, and put up your damn baby gates. Also, please watch out for yourselves - you guys are all too awesome for anything to happen to you.

Thus ends the anniversary of the worst week of my life. Maybe by next year, I'll have let it go.
 
 
 
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on October 9th, 2012 01:45 am (UTC)
I think it's not right to say happy anniversary, but how about a "I'm so glad you're still here and going strong"? Doctors really need to listen to people more, instead of rushing in and making a snap diagnosis. It's not at all the same, but I do know that it took my docs about eight months to say, oh, hey, pills won't handle what's wrong with you, oops, sorry. I'm just shocked that with a big hit to your head, they weren't even CONSIDERING concussion as a possible issue. That just seems astonishingly stupid.

BABYGATE ARE NEEDED IN ANY HOUSE WITH STAIRS, SHEESH. I hope that there are no long term effects on your nephew, because that would completely suck. I trust the gates are up all OVER the house now?

You'll let it go when you let it go. Don't worry about when that happens. *HUGS*
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on October 9th, 2012 11:25 pm (UTC)
I think it's not right to say happy anniversary, but how about a "I'm so glad you're still here and going strong"?

Thank you. :) I actually scrolled through my tags for this post and saw one that said 'anniversaries - celebrate!' but thought it was not an appropriate tag to use for this post. lol

Doctors really need to listen to people more, instead of rushing in and making a snap diagnosis.

It's a big pet peeve of mine. I am 34 and was pretty much ill with one thing or another since I was a year old. Yet, so many doctors dismiss things that I say as if I am just a lay-person when it comes to my own medical care. Or anyone for that matter, because people are not amueters when it comes to the body they have been living in their whole lives.

It's not at all the same, but I do know that it took my docs about eight months to say, oh, hey, pills won't handle what's wrong with you, oops, sorry.

I can only imagine that you knew you weren't getting any better but you were being handwaved off by the doctors. I am glad at least that they figured it out eventually. <3

I'm just shocked that with a big hit to your head, they weren't even CONSIDERING concussion as a possible issue. That just seems astonishingly stupid.

Right? They didn't even look at the lump on my head (it was kind of freaky - a minute after I hit my head, I literally felt my skin stretching and I put my hand back there and I could feel the lump actually growing under my fingertips). It seemed so stupid for them to not even look at the lump - like even if they were sure that the head injury wasn't the cause, they had me in the hospital for three days, would it have hurt for them to take 90 seconds to look at the back of my head which I was complaining was hurting me? It's like someone going into the ER with a broken arm and saying, "I've also had some ringing in my ears and think I have an ear infection," and the doctor being like, "No! You are here for a broken arm and I won't look in your ears as well!"

BABYGATE ARE NEEDED IN ANY HOUSE WITH STAIRS, SHEESH. I hope that there are no long term effects on your nephew, because that would completely suck. I trust the gates are up all OVER the house now?

I know! It's not their first kid, I don't know how they thought they could get away with no baby gates once he started walking. Baby gates are up now and he seems to be doing just fine, so let's hope so.

You'll let it go when you let it go. Don't worry about when that happens. *HUGS*

Thanks, babe. I can hold a grudge like nobody's business, especially against doctors. The whole medical experience in this instance was a bad one, tbh. The only person I dealt with through the whole thing that I liked was my male nurse - who would find me crying and just bring me a glass of water and fluff my pillows instead of asking me 'what's wrong?' like everyone else kept stupidly doing.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on October 10th, 2012 12:14 am (UTC)
Stupid doctors are stupid. Stupidly so.

That nurse probably kept you sane for those three days.

dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on October 11th, 2012 07:11 pm (UTC)
That nurse probably kept you sane for those three days.

No doubt. He found me crying hysterically one day and was all, "Are you alright?" and I was like, "My life just sucks," and he goes, "Yeah. /pause/ Would like some water while you cry?" It was just what I needed, someone who didn't expect me to keep being 'strong' and who was just going to let me cry. He took a special interest after that and kept advocating for the doctors to run more tests and to keep me longer because they didn't have an answer yet.

The doctor, however, came in and found me crying and she told me, and I quote, "You have to be strong so you can be an inspiration to other sick poeple." Then a hospital adminstrator tried to tell me how I should follow up with the same doctor I saw in the hospital and I was like, "No. I will not be seeing that woman. Period."

ION, your icon is creepy and awesome.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on October 11th, 2012 11:41 pm (UTC)
Man, sometimes that's EXACTLY what you need. Not even a shoulder. Just no judgment.

I would have refused to see that ignorant bitch again, too.

I saw the shot today and decided it would be my October icon. Love the kitty in it! And actually, the branches are extremely beautiful in the full sized shot - they don't translate so well on the icon size. I'll stick it in my journal so you can see it better.
Shirebound: Sleeping Frodo - Mucun/Reishirebound on October 9th, 2012 01:52 am (UTC)
A coworker got a 'mild' concussion several weeks ago, and she's rather impatient at the fact that she's still not feeling 100%. Concussions are tricksy things. Sorry you're still feeling the effects of yours, and I'll let my coworker know it's okay to still not be feeling too well.

I'll be extra careful!
dodger_sister: sickdodger_sister on October 9th, 2012 11:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)

Eventually I talked with a sports medicine professional, who said that football players often complain to her 6 months after the fact that they still have bad days and side effects. It all depends on how hard they were hit and where they were hit. It oddly made me feel better because after the first two months, I thought, 'Shouldn't I be feeling fine by now?' and I became worried that some of the side effects would never go away completely.

Head injuries are a really tricky thing and everyone progresses at their own speed, I think. I would say your coworker needs to be patient, except I know I was so unendingly impatient with my own concussion.

<3
Kate: fox kitsceitfianna on October 9th, 2012 02:41 am (UTC)
*hugs* That's terrifying that they didn't get it, you know your body better than anyone else. I'm glad you're doing better.
dodger_sister: sickdodger_sister on October 9th, 2012 11:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)

That's terrifying that they didn't get it, you know your body better than anyone else.

This is why I am grateful that I have had the same arthritis doctor since I was about 12. She is impossible to get on the phone or to get anything from when I am not actually at the clinic and my sister keeps saying how unprofessional that is but I am like, "I don't care. She understands that I know my body better than anyone and she doesn't talk down to me when I make suggestions, and you can't know how rare that is." It is kind of sad though that doctors who treat their patients like competent adults are so few and far between.
ranuaranua on October 9th, 2012 11:22 am (UTC)
All the focus on sports concussions and how they mess up players for life (football comes to mind right off) and the doctors wouldn't even consider concussion in your case? I really am continually amazed that there isn't more malpractice.

I'm sincerely happy you're still with us, lousy doctors notwithstanding. And I hope to hell your brother got scared so bad by the babys fall he's got baby gates up everywhere!! *squishes you with a hug*
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on October 9th, 2012 11:42 pm (UTC)
All the focus on sports concussions and how they mess up players for life (football comes to mind right off) and the doctors wouldn't even consider concussion in your case?

They didn't even look at the lump on my head, not even when I told them it was hurting me or when I told them how right when I hit my head how my vision had whited out for a minute. Never even looked. The nice nurse brought me an ice pack for my head but no doctor ever even looked at it.

I really am continually amazed that there isn't more malpractice.

I think the goverment should sue them. My government insurance, that I get for being disabled, paid out about $70,000 in tests during the next three months. Tests that I didn't even need, if the doctors would have just taken 90 seconds to look at the back of my head. I'll tell you, if I had to pay for that shit myself, you bet I would have sued them and I am the kind of person who thinks too many people run around suing other people.

I'm sincerely happy you're still with us, lousy doctors notwithstanding. And I hope to hell your brother got scared so bad by the babys fall he's got baby gates up everywhere!!

Thank you, darling. I just wish I hadn't lost so much ground while I was laid up. My body has never been as strong as it was before the head injury. As for The Canadian Nephew, he seems to be okay now but how much can you tell with an 18 month old? The baby gates are up now as well - (It's not like it's their first kid, they should know better - and here I always thought they were the most overprotective parents ever, to a point where it is annoying).
lizibabeslizibabes on October 9th, 2012 09:10 pm (UTC)
Some doctors really do suck, I'm really sorry they out you through that.
concussion is horrible enough with out people telling you that you don't have one. Like you I know the symptoms (repeate offender when it comes to concussion) and with anything when you know your ill, it just pisses you off to have people doubt what you know.

Bleeding on the brain is so not a necesity for concussion, I'm no doctor and I know that.

They really said they thought it was flu coursing the other symptoms for you and your nephew? Flu that happened to hit the moment you hit your head......some people iritate me so much.

Well I hope you and your family don't have any more brushes with this kind of thing and my best wishes to the two people who got hurt on their bikes.
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on October 9th, 2012 11:53 pm (UTC)
concussion is horrible enough with out people telling you that you don't have one.

I felt so frustrated. The day after I hit my head, I was at my computer and I suddenly got hit with severe exhaustion, sweats, the shakes, vertigo...so I decided to go to bed and went into the bathroom to get ready. I was on the toilet when the seizure happened. The doctors kept telling me that I had strained during a bowel movement and that it was a condition some people have where it makes them pass out. I kept telling them, "No, because the symptoms started before I was even in the bathroom." They would NOT listen to me and they kept insisiting. How can they explain the symptoms starting while I was on my computer in my room then? They couldn't but they were still insistent. Asshats.

Bleeding on the brain is so not a necesity for concussion, I'm no doctor and I know that.

Right? I had a concussion when I was ten and I didn't have any bleeding on my brain that time but it was still a concussion. Come on people, get serious.

They really said they thought it was flu coursing the other symptoms for you and your nephew? Flu that happened to hit the moment you hit your head......some people iritate me so much.

Yes! For me they said flu or food poisioning. The one dcotor joked that I was having a rough week. And at first I believed them because it had been over a week since I had hit my head by the time I started throwing up. When I finally got to see my own specialist, she was like, "Uh, no. You can have concussion side effects for weeks afterwards." The seizure was 24 hours after I hit my head, the vomiting a week later, but they were all from the head injury. As for my baby nephew, my brother took him into the ER twice with serious concerns of a head injury (dragging his foot, throwing up, drowsy-ness) and both times he was told the baby didn't have a head injury. I am at least grateful they did a head scan so we knew his brain wasn't bleeding. Doctors are dumbasses!

Well I hope you and your family don't have any more brushes with this kind of thing and my best wishes to the two people who got hurt on their bikes.

Thank you, darling. I hope so too. <3
lizibabeslizibabes on October 10th, 2012 12:39 am (UTC)
I like your wording, asshat fits a lot of doctors well. Some are great, some are amazing and I respect them so much and then there are others who have the God complex and they think they must be right, no matter what.

I've had bleeding on the brain when I fractured my skull and if it wasn't for one doctor insisting on repeating the scan then it could have gone badly. The amount of times I've seen my Mum have to push for x-rays and stuff when I was younger is just stupid. I can't believe they were so didmisive of your nephews injury to begin with. If a head injury was even suspected I think a scan should be done right away, especialy on younger kids who might not be able to express there symptoms.

This stuff makes me so mad, but yeah, any way your welcome and I hope the rest of your week is better <3