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27 July 2014 @ 03:38 pm
Are You Spontaneous?  
I never would have thought The Canadian Brother was spontaneous. I mean, he was when he was younger and freewheeling and single and got on a bus and went to NY to make it big in the music industry, but these days, with a wife and two kids (ages 3 & 4), a dog, a job and a mortgage...yeah, not so much with the spontanity. But I returned home from PT on Thursday evening to find a phone message from him that said, "So, uh...TCWife might be starting a new job and we looked at our money and we really can't afford it but if she starts this job, we won't be able to visit until next year, so...uh, if it's okay with you, then we will get in the car tomorrow and start driving and be there sometime on Saturday."

So...The Canadians are here!!


I don't know which is a better way to do it - I mean, if you tell me ahead of time, I have time to get stressed out about how exhausting it will be. But if you tell me at the last minute, I won't have time to get rested up and save my energy. I told him it was fine, except that on Monday I have to take a trip to the university hospital to see a new pain specialist and I was like, "When the kids wake up on Monday morning, you get them right the hell out of the house. I need every bit of energy I have to get through those hospital visits and I can't have the kids waking me up every on the hour screaming and running around." He laughed like he thought I was joking but he did say they'd get out on Monday morning. Other than that, I guess it really did work out okay. They told us a month ago that they had planned to come the first of August. but couldn't afford to lose the money from TCWife's unemployment by leaving the country for a week, so it would probably like 95% not happen and not to tell anyone, especially Mom & Dad, that they were even thinking about it. So, I guess we kind of had a warning. I actually think this worked out pretty good, but what a surprise, my brother being spontaneous!

We had actually already planned on having The Niece and Nephew for the day on Saturday, while my brother was doing some work around our house for us. We'd planned a picnic lunch at the park and then got some sand art to do on the back patio with the kids - we just had to keep them out of the house and out of my brother's hair. The Canadians had arrived by lunch on Saturday, so we all ended up at the park; Mom, her dog, Sister, Canadian Brother, TCWife, TCNiece, TCNephew, TCDog, Me, The BFF, Little Brother, Wife, The Nephew & The Niece. I can count on one hand the number of times my family has all been at the same place at the same time in the last decade, so this was actually a real treat.

Anyways, I should get this posted and hide the IPad before they all get back from the Detroit Zoo. The kids are gonna wear down my battery on this thing, I swear!
 
 
 
lizibabeslizibabes on July 27th, 2014 09:39 pm (UTC)
I hope you have fun with the family. I'm like you, not sure if it'd be better to know last minute or in advanced. But yay for the fam all being together. Have fun, but don't over do it and good luck with the pain specialist, I really hope that goes well *hugs*
dodger_sister: familydodger_sister on August 6th, 2014 08:24 pm (UTC)
I hope you have fun with the family. I'm like you, not sure if it'd be better to know last minute or in advanced. But yay for the fam all being together. Have fun, but don't over do it and good luck with the pain specialist, I really hope that goes well *hugs*

I had a great time with my family! The Canadian kids are 3 & 4 and this is my favorite age - they are like little people at this age but they still think my ridiculous zany joking is funny! ;) I think the day at the park with the whole family was the nicest of all. Most of us just sat around a picnic table and ate and chatted and watched the kids run around the playground and that was my exact right level of family fun.

I naturally overdid it though - was in the red on spoons by the end, but not so much that I ended up sick, it just took almost a week before I felt back to speed . (Today, really, is the first day I feel up to speed). The pain specialist was kind of a bust. He didn't have much to offer in the way of helping my pain levels because they mostly target specific areas and my pain is pretty much everywhere. He had a few suggestions but I felt kind of blah about them (and some weren't actually doable with my living situation) but afterwards I sat down with my physical therapist and we came up with a plan I like much better. So there is that.
lizibabes: pete and Patricklizibabes on August 6th, 2014 09:07 pm (UTC)
Perfect family avi <3 but it does make me have the feels.

Sounds like it was a good time and you got to have fun being the cool aunt. I bet kids that age kept you all running around and using lots of energy, lots of spoons.

I'm glad even though you over did it that you didn't make yourself really sick, that would have sucked. I'm away with family and it's super fun but taking so much out of me. Which is why I'll be answering your email today, even though I wanted to yesterday, so I know how you feel!

Ugh pain specialists do not seem to be as useful as they you'd think. I meant to tell you how my visit went, other than being kept waiting for hours. I spent ages with them being asked questions by two people. There grand plan was for me to have some kind of hobby and to just try and live my life normally. I have hobby's, I live life as normally as I can, I didn't need them to tell me that and them saying so was not helpful, I'm not sure what I was hoping for, but it was more than that.

I hope the plan your physical therapist is more useful and the plan is helpful. It's a lot harder to deal when your pain isn't localized to just one place. Because what's good for one area or possible for one body part, doesn't work for another. Off to email you!
dodger_sister: familydodger_sister on August 6th, 2014 10:30 pm (UTC)
It's weird how with one kid I am the favorite and with the other kid, my sister is the favorite. It's like that with both my little brother's kids (I am the favorite with The Nephew and my sister is the favorite with The Niece) and with the Canadian Brother's kids (I am the favorite with TCNephew and my sister is the favorite with TCNiece). Huh.

There grand plan was for me to have some kind of hobby and to just try and live my life normally. I have hobby's, I live life as normally as I can, I didn't need them to tell me that and them saying so was not helpful, I'm not sure what I was hoping for, but it was more than that.

I hate that kind of bullshit. I know they must deal with people who are depressed and aren't even trying to do anything with their lives because of the illness, but come on, after talking to you for five minutes, they should have gathered that you are NOT one of those people. At my doctor, the social worker always asks me things like, "And what do you do for fun?" and I got so tired of trying to find a way to make fanfiction sound like it was a good, healthy hobby and that I am keeping busy with my time, while not having to explain in detail what fanfiction was, that I finally gave up and have just started saying, "I write adult fiction about gay men. And then I share it with all the people on the internet who also write adult fiction about gay men." That usually gets them to stop asking questions and leave me alone!

Because what's good for one area or possible for one body part, doesn't work for another. Off to email you!

True that! Like seriously, what strengthens my legs, messes up my rib and what is good for my neck, messes up my back, etc. Boo.

I will look for your email! <3

edited because waaaaay too many typos, lol

Edited at 2014-08-06 10:33 pm (UTC)
lizibabeslizibabes on August 9th, 2014 07:48 pm (UTC)
Explaining fanfiction to non-fandom people is tricky. When I said I write they didn't seem that impressed and then my mum told them I was published (she's very proud)and they seemed shocked. Like they'd already decided I didn't have a life, that I couldn't do anything.

I think your right that they meet a lot of people who don't and won't try and that's just not us! We do everything we can, like all the stuff you've done with the nieces and nephews. I think they saw that I was on anti-depressants and made assumptions. My heart goes out to people who's depression stops them from enjoying/doing things, but on meds I cope pretty damn well with my screwed up brain.

I've never been as brave as you, and told a doctor I write gay erotica. Maybe I should just to see the look on their faces.

Boo is the perfect word for it. You work on one thing and then a bunch of other body parts go 'lol no, you don't get to do that'

I hope my email wasn't too rambling <3 p.s I'm back home, so I might start working on a few bits out of materials I already have/would get anyway for my own projects. But hit me up with what you want!
dodger_sister: familydodger_sister on August 10th, 2014 09:07 pm (UTC)
When I said I write they didn't seem that impressed and then my mum told them I was published (she's very proud)and they seemed shocked. Like they'd already decided I didn't have a life, that I couldn't do anything.

It's such ableist bullshit - (sometimes the 'ableist' tag on tumblr makes me feel better and sometimes it just gets me riled up, but you should check it out sometime). I get this kind of reaction more from people in my RL than just medical people - like, "Oh it's so nice of your little friend to take you out to dinner," and they phrase it like my friend is doing me a favor, like it's impossible that they just enjoy spending time with me, like it's such an extra burden for someone to take me anywhere or like I never get out of the house or something. Ergh, ableists. (Awesome that your mom is so proud of you though!!)

I've never been as brave as you, and told a doctor I write gay erotica. Maybe I should just to see the look on their faces.

In general, when people ask me what I do with myself, I just tell them I write short stories and am involved with a writer's forum online, which is good enough for most people but the social workers always press for more details and it always seemed like I was withholding information, so eventually I was just like, whatever, and told them the truth. I once even explained fanfic to a young doctor and she was like, "OMG, so there are stories to go with my favorite show? I have to go find those immediately!" I actually haven't gotten a lot of questions about my social life since the gay erotica explanation though, now that I think of it!

I hope my email wasn't too rambling

Nope. And I just hit you back with what was suppose to be a quick note on Tumblr and that got kind of rambly too! I am excited about this project!!!!!!
lizibabeslizibabes on August 12th, 2014 07:13 pm (UTC)
Some people suck, and they are blind to real life to. I mean there are varying levels of disability/health issues, and different people manage to do more or less with what they have. One person in a wheelchair will be house bound, another will be a gold medalist. Some people don't seem to get that everyone's limitations are different, not to mention good days and bad days ect.

But abelists like that should get a punch in the face, they have no idea of real life in my opinion.

I do the same, a general, I write, I share it with people and hope it'll end there. But over the years I've got more comfortable with telling people. All my close friends know what I write and my close family. But sounds like a good way to shut up medical types of people, the nosy types who pester us about our lives.

Got your message, it wasn't too rambly either. I've been looking at all sorts of materials. I think I could come up with some really pretty things *hugs*
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on July 27th, 2014 10:15 pm (UTC)
What an awesome surprise! Saturday sounds like it was awesome!
dodger_sister: familydodger_sister on August 6th, 2014 08:26 pm (UTC)
The day at the park with my whole family was the best! And the kids are all old enough now that they were able to play on the playground mostly themselves while us adult just chilled and ate yummy food and watched them have fun. Honestly, I think I like the last minute surprise visits better than planning ahead! Who would have thought.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on August 6th, 2014 11:01 pm (UTC)
Not me! I like to plan... and honestly, what if I were sick or tired/grumpy when someone showed up all happy and ready to play? :P
dodger_sister: familydodger_sister on August 8th, 2014 08:51 pm (UTC)
Not me! I like to plan... and honestly, what if I were sick or tired/grumpy when someone showed up all happy and ready to play? :P

Well, they were here for a whole week, so I definitely had days where I was tired and grumpy! lol But I didn't have time to get myself worked up about it, which is a plus. Though they brought their ginamorous dog and then were shocked when my 80lbs mother couldn't handle taking care of him and so - despite that when they initally got that dog we made it clear in no uncertain terms that he was not allowed in our house with the cats - their damn dog ended up having to stay here in the house. They better not bring him next time! That's what kennels are for!
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on August 9th, 2014 01:57 am (UTC)
Totally not fair to your kitty fur-babies - I hope they weren't too stressed out by having a big dog around. That was not a good call (then again, spontaneous visits probably mean the kennels are already full up), but I guess the rest of the visit was pretty darned great. :)
dodger_sister: familydodger_sister on August 9th, 2014 06:44 pm (UTC)
That was not a good call (then again, spontaneous visits probably mean the kennels are already full up),

Nope, they always bring the dog. But he's only a year old, so in the beginning, when they would leave him with Mom, he was just a little pup. Now he is the size of small pony, but still behaves like a puppy, and is way too much for her to handle. The first time they brought him, I didn't mind. They had just gotten him and just moved so they didn't have a proper vet/kennel/dogsitter/neighbor kid yet. And the second time it was for Gandpa's funeral, so last minute notice, I guess. But at some point they need to find a decent kennel or hire a neighbor kid to look after him, make other arrangments. My mom said, "Oh but they love him, they don't want to be away from him for a week," and I was like, "So? I love my cats but I don't take them on vacation with me!" I would like to think that now that they realize that Mom can't handle him that they will leave him behind next time, but I doubt it. I think they will just expect we'll keep him here again. I just felt really bad for Kirk (whose anxiety medicine finally seems to be helping) and Roo (who is so nervous he even gets afraid of me if I walk too quickly). Pippin doesn't mind dogs and Buddy is too senile to notice there was even a dog in the house anyways. ;)

Other than the dog/cat debacle, it was a great visit! There was just that one day where I was grumpy at them for being inconsiderate of our house rules about dogs!
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on August 9th, 2014 08:16 pm (UTC)
Sounds as though their dog needs obedience training, too!

Maybe the time to be firm with them is now, just after their visit, and regularly encourage/remind them to seek out a kennel?
Shireboundshirebound on July 27th, 2014 11:44 pm (UTC)
Wow, that last-minute type of news would send me into a panic. I hope the visit goes well for everyone!
dodger_sister: familydodger_sister on August 6th, 2014 08:34 pm (UTC)
Wow, that last-minute type of news would send me into a panic. I hope the visit goes well for everyone!

Yeah, it sent my sister into a cleaning frenzy. Both because we were having guests and needed the house to be clean and because cleaning is how she destresses. I actually found I liked it better with the short notice because I didn't have time to get all worked up about how stressful it was going to be! ;) It did go very well, thank you. Those kids are exhausting though!
Kate: James: We areYoungceitfianna on July 28th, 2014 02:16 am (UTC)
Family visits are always exciting. We have a relative, her daughter and French exchange student staying over. They're pretty good about keeping themselves occupied but its different. There was warning but I've been in interview and fact checking land so felt like wait, visitors, eep.
dodger_sister: familydodger_sister on August 6th, 2014 08:40 pm (UTC)
Family visits are always exciting. We have a relative, her daughter and French exchange student staying over. They're pretty good about keeping themselves occupied but its different. There was warning but I've been in interview and fact checking land so felt like wait, visitors, eep.

It can feel like, when you have guests, that it is hard to keep up with your regular to-do stuff. Because your stuff keeps going on, even with people up in your house, yes. I think it will be better when the kids are a little bit older (3 & 4 right now) and they understand a little better like Aunt J has to go to work or Aunt A needs to take a little break now. Or when they understand like 'we can't play right now but later we are going to do x-thing', you know? It's a fun age they are at right now but also very tiring! It was a good visit overall though and I love that they really know us now and know our house and are comfortable here.

How old ware your visitors> With an exchange student I am guessing high school?
Kate: booksceitfianna on August 6th, 2014 09:00 pm (UTC)
Oh yes and while I was doing well on the fact checking at that time, I still couldn't take a huge amount of time off. Fact checking takes up a lot of my mental space.

The visitors we had last weekend were even better, older who just wanted to read. This week, my brother, wife and their two daughters have come over. The girls are now 10 and 11 so take care of themselves.

The other guests were two 16 year olds and one of their mothers. It was nice and now I'm done with fact checking and they want me to do more which feels good. No news yet on the job front but I feel like a big weight is off me.
Trigger Warning: Lifematchboximpala on July 28th, 2014 06:28 am (UTC)
It sounds like it will be a crazy, but fun week. I hope you get the rest you need, though.
dodger_sister: familydodger_sister on August 6th, 2014 10:37 pm (UTC)
My family visit was a crazy, but fun week, exactly! The kids are at the perfect age right now where they can really engage with you but also are still young enough to think that I am hysterical and cool! (The Nephew has started to get 'too cool for school', if you know what I mean). I tried really hard to not overdo it while they were here but it still took a awhile to get rested up, as always. More family visitors this weekend, but just for one night - my 10 year old cousin is coming over for Girl's Night!