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07 October 2014 @ 08:11 pm
Fangirl Epidemic.  
So, I’ve started seeing a counselor for my health anxiety, which causes me anxiety in and of itself, since I don’t like talking about my anxiety. But anyways, I had my second appointment today and I realized I never shared with you all what happened in my first session.


Counselor asking about my anxiety in social situations.
Me: Blahblahblah, but mostly what I don’t like about family events is just people asking me stupid questions. Like, “What have you been up to lately?” These people all talk about the same things and I’m not married, don’t have kids, don’t work. Why do they want me to say? Do they want me to tell them about The Avengers fic I’m writing, cuz I can. I’m really excited about it, it’s awesome, but they’ll probably just think I’m weird.
C: Blahblahblah, and also, when you mentioned writing an Avengers story, like oh, you write fanfiction.
Me: Yes, I do. You know what that words means.
C: Oh yeah, I’m in fandom too.
Me with my mind boggled. More blahblahblah about stuff until the end of session when…
Me: So, just curious, since I’m a multifandom girl, what fandom are you in?
C: I started out in Harry Potter but that was like eight years ago. Now I’m into this show called ‘Supernatural’.
Me: Omg. That’s my show.
C: Really. So just to warn you, I’m a slasher.
Me: Uh duh, me too,
C: I used to really be into Wincest, but not anymore.
Me: Well, in the beginning it was the only thing really heavy in the slash side of SPN.
C; Yeah, true. But then Cas came along…
Me: /noises of love/
C: And now I’m super into Destiel.
Me: Omg, that’s my OTP of Love.
C: They are so in love, it’s crazy!
Me: Right?!

So, that was how I discovered that my counselor is a Dean/Cas girl. When she gave me ‘homework’ this week, I said, “This better not get in the way of my fanfiction time,” and she said, “There is never enough fanfiction time.” True story.
 
 
 
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on October 8th, 2014 12:30 am (UTC)
At least this means you won't stress about going to talk with her, right? :)
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on October 11th, 2014 01:24 am (UTC)
At least this means you won't stress about going to talk with her, right? :)

LOL No. Because we still have to talk about the anxiety and the health issues. But it does mean I don't have to gloss over how I spend my time, like I do with social workers where it's a fine line between not going into too much detail about how I spend my time - because then I get stupid questions or criticized that my hobbies aren't social enough - but also not giving them too little detail and making them think I don't have a full and active life - or else they try to get me involved in 'activities'. But it's nice to know my counselor and I are of one mind!
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on October 11th, 2014 02:51 am (UTC)
Gotcha. Still stress, but not as many kinds!
Kate: goddess with birdceitfianna on October 8th, 2014 01:46 am (UTC)
A counselor seems like a good idea and I'm glad she's also a fandom person.
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on October 11th, 2014 01:26 am (UTC)
A counselor seems like a good idea and I'm glad she's also a fandom person.

That bout of bronchitis last winter really did me in - it's just too hard to handle all the health issues these days. But what are the odds she would turn out to be a fandom person, and on top of it, ship the same OTP as me in the same fandom and stuff? Weird but cool!
Jo Ann: Garfield: Thumbs up seal of approvalyeuxdebleu on October 8th, 2014 03:20 am (UTC)
Wow! That's one cool counselor you've got!
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on October 11th, 2014 01:27 am (UTC)
Wow! That's one cool counselor you've got!

It made me feel like I was among my own kind, for sure! Like, of all the fandoms in all the world, she walked into mine. ;)
lindahoylandlindahoyland on October 8th, 2014 03:20 am (UTC)
That's nice your Councellor is on the same wavelength. Hope talking to her helps.
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on October 11th, 2014 01:30 am (UTC)
That's nice your Councellor is on the same wavelength. Hope talking to her helps.

Right? Very cool it worked out that way! Fangirls really are everywhere! And now, even though talking about the health issues and anxiety they cause is still rough, at least when she asks, "How have you been spending your time?" I can answer, "I'm working on this Hawaii Five-O story.." and I won't have to explain what the hell I'm taking about!
shell_77shell_77 on October 8th, 2014 04:30 am (UTC)
THAT is beyond awesome!
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on October 11th, 2014 01:32 am (UTC)
THAT is beyond awesome!

Right?! It was just one throwaway line I said to her about my Avengers story and it was like a neon sign lit up over her head, flahsing the word 'Fangirl!'. Like our EMF readers went off, signaling a fangirl in her presence. ;)
Denidenig37 on October 8th, 2014 07:57 am (UTC)
ROFL :-D
That has to help with the anxiety of talking about the anxiety :-)
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on October 11th, 2014 01:35 am (UTC)
ROFL :-D
That has to help with the anxiety of talking about the anxiety :-)


It was so bizarre, but cool! Like, yes, I am in fandom...yes, I am in SPN...yes, I am in slash...YES, I AM IN DESTIEL! So insane! It won't help much with the anxiety about talking about stuff, but at least I won't have to worry about slipping up and mentioning fanfic and then having to try to explain it all to somebody from the outside. I mean, at least she's in my club!
ranuaranua on October 12th, 2014 12:34 pm (UTC)
What a stroke of luck! In my opinion, counselors should be someone we can relate to, like a jury of our peers, they should be our peers, have knowledge of where we're coming from, and you, my dear, seemed to have totally lucked out on that front.

As someone who's been round and round the mental health merry-go-round for years and years, I can say having an uninvolved third party to listen is great. I really hope you're able to get something out of it and that it helps with the anxiety and stress.
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on October 15th, 2014 12:24 am (UTC)
What a stroke of luck! In my opinion, counselors should be someone we can relate to, like a jury of our peers, they should be our peers, have knowledge of where we're coming from, and you, my dear, seemed to have totally lucked out on that front.

Absolutely! And like knowing that I don't have to worry about slipping up and mentioning my hobby and getting odd looks and stuff. Like I don't normally hide what I do but with these types of people (social workers etc) they are always looking for how active and social I am, on account of being like 80% homebound and stuff. Like homebound people often get depressed due to a lack of socializing and hobbies. So with her, I won't have to worry that she will think I have that problem, because she'll understand how active a fangirl life can keep you!

As someone who's been round and round the mental health merry-go-round for years and years, I can say having an uninvolved third party to listen is great. I really hope you're able to get something out of it and that it helps with the anxiety and stress.

I'm going more for the technique building - what should I do when I am laid up on the couch, sick, and my mind won't stop running over my symptoms and trying to suss out the issue. Or when I wake up with a pain in my side and I get an immediate flare of anxiety before I even have time to process what the pain could be. That kind of thing. She has me doing a lot of homework on how to retrain my brain on health issues. It's interesting so far, but not helping as of yet. I'm going to give it time though!
ranuaranua on October 19th, 2014 01:59 pm (UTC)
She has me doing a lot of homework on how to retrain my brain on health issues.

That's pretty cool. I use behavior modification for my depression, I hate all the drugs and their side-effects with a passion, and it is a lot of work, but worth it I think. Tho it is hard to remember what I should be doing as opposed to what I'm actually doing when I'm having an episode!
dodger_sister: sickdodger_sister on October 20th, 2014 06:30 pm (UTC)
I just have to take Lexapro until I get things a little more in check. This past winter with Grandpa dying and the bronchitis, I kind of lost my shit. But I can't stay on the Lexapro forever because it is bad for your liver and my liver already sucks. The side effects from that were awful at first (landed in the ER with a rare 1% side effect, of course) but now the only one that still effects me is uh, tmi, 'not being able to get to my happy place', if you know what I mean. Which kind of counteracts the whole stress relief thing, since that is my major stress relief technique!

Right now I feel like I am struggling explaining to the counselor what it is like to live with the idea that you could go down at any minute and even the tiniest of symptoms could be the precursor to doom. It's like I'm a hypocondriac (sp?) but with the actual illnesses I fear I might have.
ranuaranua on October 26th, 2014 12:48 pm (UTC)
It's like I'm a hypocondriac (sp?) but with the actual illnesses I fear I might have.

I can't imagine what I fine line that must be to walk. Between knowing you have these illnesses and being vigilant of your health, and worrying every little thing is a precursor to worse.

I'm not sure how you feel about it, but I do keep you in my prayers, and since my gods are a bit more hands on than the Christian one, hopefully it does some good.
dodger_sister: amazingdodger_sister on October 28th, 2014 08:46 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure how you feel about it, but I do keep you in my prayers, and since my gods are a bit more hands on than the Christian one, hopefully it does some good.

Thank you, babe! My religious views are kind of like 'unsure', but it's not so important to me what the real truth is because if there is one god or many gods or no god, we should still be loving and accepting and try to live our lives as best we can. If this is our only life, we should live it well. And as for people praying for me, it is a sign of love and caring and that is a good thing! (as long as they aren't doing it condescendingly like, 'you heathen, I will pray for your soul,' or 'you poor little thing, I will pray for you,' - you know what I mean? Happens a lot to me, idk why!)
Trigger Warning: Lifematchboximpala on October 29th, 2014 06:07 am (UTC)
I think that is absolutely hilarious: bonding with your therapist over fandom and slash fiction. You have some great luck with the people you meet in health care. I guess that is one small silver lining in the crap you have to deal with.
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on October 31st, 2014 12:17 am (UTC)
I think that is absolutely hilarious: bonding with your therapist over fandom and slash fiction. You have some great luck with the people you meet in health care. I guess that is one small silver lining in the crap you have to deal with.

Actually, it was so bizarre - I don't live in a very big town, what are the odds? But the cool thing is that now we can speak the same language and communication is so much easier!

My sister said the other day, "You met fangirls everywhere you go!", because someone that my mom woks with agreed to come over and do my hair for me and while she was here she just casually mentioned not catching the first few eps of The Walking Dead, so I pulled them out of our Tivo and we watched them while she did my hair. She was SO into it, laughing and screaming about Rick, "That's my man!", and she is a Daryl/Carol shipper, just like me, and we discussing characters arcs and stuff. The random lady who cooks the food at the daycare my mom used to work at. How does this keep happening?!

Edited at 2014-10-31 12:18 am (UTC)