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26 September 2016 @ 05:08 pm
This Used To Be My Playground..  
So much family drama. I was going to post about this over the weekend, when I was all wound up, but I thought it better to take a breath first.

But now…: My youngest uncle on my dad’s side - let’s call him Uncle DBag - has always been kind of a self entitled ass. A late-in-life birth, baby-spoiled, you know. A blowhard of sorts. When he was married, his wife kept him in line. Then they got divorced and he bought a fast car, got an earring and brought two dates to a family wedding. I figured he’d settle once his post-divorce wackiness was out of his system. Nope.


Now he’s remarried to a woman who seems nice, but pushed her way into the family a bit too hard. She immediately started telling everyone how things needed to be done. Yeah, Cousin and Sis have been handling the family just fine since they turned like 25, we’ve got this T, settle down. DBag’s kids were super close to Grandma and Grandpa growing up, went on vacations together, saw all the kids sports games. It always made me a bit jealous tbh. But after their parents divorced, they disappeared. The first great-grandkid they gave my grandparents was eight months old before they ever bothered to bring him out to see them. They cite ‘living far away’ as why they don’t do any family things, but they both live just over an hour away.

Now Grandpa had a bunch of stuff from his great grandfather, who was in the Civil War. Papers, letters, a picture and a sword. He told my older brother years ago that - as the oldest male in the family - the sword and picture were to be his. Also there were some pieces of jewelry set aside for each of us girls from Grandma, but almost all of it was stolen in those break-ins a few years back. At any rate, it’s all in the will and has to be doled out by the lawyer and the estate (of which my oldest uncle is the executor).

After the funeral, we all went out to the farm and everyone helped sort the stuff that Grandma had stacked around. We took our own childhood pictures and knick-knacks we had given them over the years. I got the decorative egg with a hummingbird on it and the Christmas ornament I cross stitched Grandma that she had hanging by her phone for 30 years. I also got the pier photo I took that they had hanging on their sun porch for years and the Navy blanket a friend gave him.

Then we all left the farm with the understanding that Cousin and Sis would go out and get all the stuff to donate (clothes, food, paperbacks) and sort and box the rest of it for the three sons to go through at their leisure. Sis was going to scan in important family photos, then box everything in an organized way in nice photo boxes and deliver it back to Oldest Uncle. We all left. As it turns out, DBag left with the Civil War picture. My brother wasn’t sure he wanted to take all of that stuff, but we suggested donating it to the Michigan Historical Museum and that was agreed on, if the sons were amendable - which, at least, Oldest Uncle was. Cousin had it priced out - the papers, sword and picture (<--that DBag stole) and found it to be worth 10k - 20k.

While Grandma’s body was still in the house waiting to be removed, The DBags had started talking about turning off the electricity. Then they showed up at the lawyer meeting to say they’d hired a realtor, they wanted everything out of there, when could we sell the farm. To which the lawyer was like, ‘one thing at a time, we’re just starting’. (‘she hasn’t been buried a week,’ is what I would have said.)

When Cousin got there this weekend - a week after we buried Grandma - to take the food that was still good and donate it to the local pantry, she found people there - realtors & looky-loos. The DBags had taken everything. The sword, the papers, all of the family photos that we didn’t take last time; our grandparents as kids, our parents as kids, shots of the farm. Everything is gone, ‘vultures’ (Oldest Uncle called his brother that) picked it over. Cousin went to her dad’s down the street, sat in the driveway and cried and cried. Then she called Sis and Sis started crying. I do NOT like when people make my sister cry.

There is nothing left. If he wanted, as executor of the estate, Oldest Uncle could bring charges against DBag. Felony charges, for taking the Civil War stuff that is worth 15k. He won’t. Grandma wouldn’t have liked that. Grandma wouldn’t have liked DBag’s behavior either, but she wouldn’t have wanted the family to go at each other. Also one of my cousin’s wanted a small plot of the land to build a house on, since his dad has a plot as well. It just needed the three sons to sign off on, but DBag won’t because it ‘decreases the value’. DBag’s personally gonna get 200k from the sale of the farm, he can spare 10k of that so my cousin can have a piece of land.

Death in the family brings out the worst, I know. I’ve seen it before when my maternal grandma passed. It shouldn’t be about money or things. For me, it’ll always be about the memories I carry in my heart for my grandparents and the farm. The DBags can keep the stuff.
 
 
 
Shireboundshirebound on September 26th, 2016 09:30 pm (UTC)
That's appalling, and shocking, and I'm terribly sorry you and your family are going through this. For some people, money comes first, and everything else -- including civility and family -- come second.

*hugs you tight*
dodger_sister: comfortdodger_sister on March 8th, 2017 11:30 pm (UTC)
That's appalling, and shocking, and I'm terribly sorry you and your family are going through this. For some people, money comes first, and everything else -- including civility and family -- come second. *hugs you tight*

My grandmother never came first for my uncle, but now selling the farm and collecting the money seems to be his number one priority. (At least we managed to get back a few of the things he stole from the house.) Honestly, I don't want the farm to sell, it breaks my heart, but at this point I kinda just want it to be done so we don't have to deal with this uncle again until the next family funeral. /hugs back/
Kate: Hiding Catceitfianna on September 26th, 2016 09:59 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Wow, that's awful. I can understand not doing anything in terms of legal as that's painful but ugh, such a horrible choice after a death.
dodger_sister: comfortdodger_sister on March 8th, 2017 11:33 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Wow, that's awful. I can understand not doing anything in terms of legal as that's painful but ugh, such a horrible choice after a death.

Grandma would be horrified if there was some sort of legal fuss made and the family had to pick sides, but this uncle never even occurred to him to think of that. We did manage to get some of the civil war stuff back from him and some of the family pictures, but at this point most of the family has written him off as that one uncle you only see at funerals, which would also make Grandma sad. I would say death brings out the worst in people, but this particular uncle was always the worst.
lindahoylandlindahoyland on September 27th, 2016 03:57 am (UTC)
Hugs.
dodger_sister: comfortdodger_sister on March 8th, 2017 11:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I thought it would interest you to know that we managed to get back some of the family photos and the Civil War letters and documentation of our great-great-grandfather's from the uncle that stole them. He is still behaving like an ass, but now all there is to do is wait for the farm to sell - at which point I am sure he will behave like an ass again regarding the money from that sale. But getting back those family photos was a relief!
Trigger Warning: Lifematchboximpala on September 27th, 2016 06:19 am (UTC)
Wow, how awful. I am sure it is for the best that your brother is letting it go, but I'm not sure I could. :(

dodger_sister: comfortdodger_sister on March 8th, 2017 11:38 pm (UTC)
Wow, how awful. I am sure it is for the best that your brother is letting it go, but I'm not sure I could. :(

Thank you. My brother was kind of excited to donate our great-great-grandfather's Civil War stuff to a museum, because we all know how happy that would have made our grandpa, the history buff. I was excited to think of people viewing our family's history in a museum. We did manage to get some the pieces back from the uncle that stole them, but without all of the pieces I am not sure if a museum would take them. Oldest Uncle is holding onto everything we do have until after the farm sells and the estate is settled, at least.
Jo Ann: Text: I see guilty peopleyeuxdebleu on September 28th, 2016 12:37 am (UTC)
Death in the family brings out the worst, I know.

That is so true. I'm sorry you and the people you care about had to go through this. Maybe the DBag uncle will fall on that sword and impale himself. It would be justice, no?
dodger_sister: comfortdodger_sister on March 8th, 2017 11:41 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you and the people you care about had to go through this. Maybe the DBag uncle will fall on that sword and impale himself. It would be justice, no?

Ahahaha, that made me laugh so hard.

We did get some of the stuff back from him - most notably most of the family photos. And the slides of my dad's from Vietnam, which was important to my dad. The farm still hasn't sold - which, while it breaks my heart to think about, really needs to get done. It breaks my heart even more to think of it sitting there empty and dark. Until it does sell, the estate won't be settled and we won't be done dealing with our DBag uncle. But for now, things are quiet on that front. /knocks on virtual wood/
Jo Annyeuxdebleu on March 25th, 2017 12:02 am (UTC)
It breaks my heart even more to think of it sitting there empty and dark.

There are two houses we pass every time we go to town that have been sitting empty for several years. They were such beautiful homes and so perfectly maintained, but I guess something happened to the owners. It's makes me so terribly sad to see them sitting there neglected. It's almost like they're human and I can feel their neglect and pain.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on October 6th, 2016 03:39 pm (UTC)
What a fucking ASSHOLE.
dodger_sister: comfortdodger_sister on March 8th, 2017 11:43 pm (UTC)
What a fucking ASSHOLE.

Dude, you have NO idea. This was only the half of it. There has always been something that rubbed me the wrong way about this uncle, even as a kid. Something about him made me very uncomfortable. Maybe it was that I knew he was a thief all along!!