?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
19 July 2012 @ 09:21 pm
I Am Not A Morning Person.  
Let me start this story by saying that everything turned out fine, in the end. It was just a bizarre morning.

Today started with me waking up to the whole house shaking and this horrible banging noise, as if the house was about to come apart. I woke up screaming, “Oh my god, what is it?” while my sister was just screaming my name. I couldn’t get her to answer me at first, she just kept screaming my name. My first thought was tornado and if repeating my name like that was her trying to get me to take cover, then I needed her to form more words than that. In the meantime, I had sat up damn quick and was slipping into my shoes. Then finally my sister says that she thinks it is an appliance and since it is coming from the front rooms, it must be the dishwasher. “I am going out to investigate,” she says. This, of course, terrified me because it sounded like whatever was making the whole house shake was about to explode. I could just picture her going out to the kitchen to inspect it just as it blew up and killed her on impact. Three of the cats had run in terror downstairs when the house started shaking and Big Buddy had come running back into my room and was cowering under his chair. So now my brain was picturing my sister all exploded on the floor and the house catching on fire and me unable to round up the cats or do anything but flee myself.


You know how people always say, “Oh, I would want to save this or that if the house were on fire,”? I have said that in the past and I know for sure I would be devastated the most by losing all my writing. Family photos can be scrounged back together from family and friends and my lifetime baby-doll - (got her when I was three days old from my sister) - was right next to me on the bed and some portion of my brain had already made me pick her up. But my writing, all my childhood notebooks and my folder of plays I have written and my thousands of words of fanfic and my movie screenplay on my computer - those would be sorely missed after-the-fact in a way that I am sure would break my heart.

But right then, right then in that exact moment - all I could think was, “Just don’t let anyone die.”

Guess what it was? My sister bought this giant wand massager for us to use on our shoulders, since we both carry terrible tension there. I mean, this thing is big enough that I actually have trouble lifting it. She had left it on the floor under her living room chair and the cats had been tussling and had somehow managed to turn it on. It was trapped under the big cushioned chair and flipping about this way and that.

When my sister went out to the living room, the first thing she saw was the box the cats play in - (they like to jump in and out of it and put toys in it) - was shaking like crazy. She thought that one of the cats must be inside and be having like a serious hardcore seizure or something. Then she saw her living room chair was literally jumping up and down and thumping all over and she was like, “OMG, the chair is possessed!! Holy shit!!” We have gone back and forth over whether or not there is something in this house and right then, she was a firm believer. Of course, she then realized it was the ginormous massage wand stuck under the chair.

But holy crap, did that wake us up right and good. I couldn't believe that thing could shake the whole house like that. I got a good cardio workout this morning, that’s for damn sure.
 
 
 
Shireboundshirebound on July 20th, 2012 01:33 am (UTC)
Then she saw her living room chair was literally jumping up and down and thumping all over

That's the wackiest way to wake up I've ever heard! I'm glad you're all still alive, and can laugh about it after the fact. Wow, how bizarre!
dodger_sister: wtfdodger_sister on July 22nd, 2012 07:50 pm (UTC)
It was the craziest thing ever. I have had some startling ways to wake up before but this one was the wackiest by far. We definitely could laugh about it later in the day, after our hearts stopped pounding so hard!
Ironlily - Making My Marque: kinkvikingprincess on July 20th, 2012 01:34 am (UTC)
I am SO GLAD that everything turned out okay (except for the terror and whatnot).

But girl, I have to say, "Ginormous Massage Wand" does NOT sound like it was made for SHOULDERS. AT ALL.
dodger_sister: wtfdodger_sister on July 22nd, 2012 07:57 pm (UTC)
Your icon is hysterical. ;)

I am SO GLAD that everything turned out okay (except for the terror and whatnot).

Thanks, babe! Considering we woke up thinking the house was about to explode or get ripped from the ground, we are fine with taking a little sole terror instead.

But girl, I have to say, "Ginormous Massage Wand" does NOT sound like it was made for SHOULDERS. AT ALL.

I knew one of you perverts was going to say that. ;) But no, nononono, it would be like having three fists inside you at once - I don't care what your kink is, that does not sound fun!
Ironlily - Making My Marque: BlameTheMonkeyvikingprincess on July 22nd, 2012 08:54 pm (UTC)
Ha, thank you! I made it myself, pixel by pixel on some parts. It's rarely used these days, but it's perfect when I need it.

Also, when you say the GINORMOUS MASSAGE WAND would be like three fists, all that makes me ask is... could you ride it like a pony?

I need help.

Desperately.
dodger_sister: wtfdodger_sister on July 22nd, 2012 09:30 pm (UTC)
Also, when you say the GINORMOUS MASSAGE WAND would be like three fists, all that makes me ask is... could you ride it like a pony?

OMG! Well, um, sure. It would be more like riding a broomstick but, yes I suppose you could. Man, I am pretty sure my sister sold her Cowgirl Jessie doll in the garage sale last year or else I would totally take a picture of that for you. Hmmm.../contemplates what else I could make ride the massager/ heehee 'Ride the massager' sounds ridiculously dirty

I need help.

Desperately.


Agreed. But then so do I, apparently. ;)
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on July 22nd, 2012 09:46 pm (UTC)
Ride the wild massager!
I will look at any pictures you create. Promise.

(we may need help, but at least we understand each other)
dodger_sister: wtfdodger_sister on July 23rd, 2012 01:11 am (UTC)
Re: Ride the wild massager!
'Ride the wild massager' is like the Ladies Night version of riding the mechanical bull. (omg, how have I never noticed how dirty it sounds to say, "Ride the mechanical bull."?? It sounds SO dirty).
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on July 23rd, 2012 01:23 am (UTC)
Re: Ride the wild massager!
You do know that one version of a Greek legend has Pasiphae of Crete falling in love with a bull, and hiding inside of a mechanical cow so she could get busy with it, right? Their offspring: the Minotaur.

Everything can go back to the ancient Greeks. EVERYTHING.
dodger_sister: wtfdodger_sister on July 23rd, 2012 01:26 am (UTC)
Re: Ride the wild massager!
OMG. I did know that but I think I read it when I was like 14, so I tried to block that from my brain. I guess I just wasn't ready for bestiality at such a young age. ;)
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on July 23rd, 2012 01:37 am (UTC)
Re: Ride the wild massager!
I'm still not ready for bestiality!
dodger_sister: wtfdodger_sister on July 25th, 2012 12:54 am (UTC)
Re: Ride the wild massager!
I'm still not ready for bestiality!

Dude, 14 year old Me was a perv, I'll admit, but I didn't even know that shit existed back then - you know, years before my trip through SPN fandom. Who says fandom isn't educational?! ;)
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on July 25th, 2012 01:12 am (UTC)
Re: Ride the wild massager!
I would never make such a claim. Of course, it's also sometimes TERRIFYING, but that's beside the point. Right?
Kate: Hatter is bemusedceitfianna on July 20th, 2012 01:38 am (UTC)
Oh my, I'm glad that it turned out okay and that sounds terrifying. Hopefully soon it will be something to laugh about.

In good and surprising news, I have a job interview at a school in Michigan next week.
dodger_sister: wtfdodger_sister on July 22nd, 2012 08:01 pm (UTC)
Oh my, I'm glad that it turned out okay and that sounds terrifying. Hopefully soon it will be something to laugh about.

I am so glad it didn't happen while you were sleeping in the basement! You would have thought the floor above you was about to come crashing down. :) We were able to laugh about it later in the day because what a wacky thing to have happen.

In good and surprising news, I have a job interview at a school in Michigan next week

AWESOME! I hope it goes well. I'll try not to get my hopes up too high, as I am super superstitous about jinxing things, but that would be so cool.
Kate: Blair and Serena smilingceitfianna on July 22nd, 2012 08:06 pm (UTC)
I'm the same way. Job stuff has been happening so sporadically that I try hard to not focus too hard on anything. I'll just go, do my best and keep getting moving stuff done.
lizibabeslizibabes on July 20th, 2012 06:23 pm (UTC)
Not the best way to wake up at all. I would not have known what to do at all. Poor kittys
dodger_sister: wtfdodger_sister on July 22nd, 2012 08:05 pm (UTC)
It was so freaking scary. I was sure it was a tornado at first because what else could be shaking the house so hard. I am glad it was just wacky antics in our living room. But oh yeah, the cats were so terrified, the poor babies. We don't keep the massager plugged in anymore, so that will never happen again.
Why all the pearls?Why all the hair?Why anything?: B/K rhymephile on July 21st, 2012 04:33 am (UTC)
So, *ahem*, your vibrator was shaking the entire house. Damn, girl. *coff*
dodger_sister: wtfdodger_sister on July 22nd, 2012 08:08 pm (UTC)
Omg, your icon is so good for me. And appropriate for your response, you perv!

Yes, yes, my vibrator was shaking the whole house. I wonder what the neighbors thought. ;)