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12 July 2010 @ 12:19 am
Serious But Happy Post...  

So, I debated about even making this post, but then I thought it was important and it is a good thing and I should be proud of it, even if I'm not that proud of how I got here.

Saturday, the 10th, I was six months clean off any drugs.

I'm really proud of that.

Not so much the decade before that, with the pot smoking and the bad choices in friends, or the mis-use of prescribed pain pills or using medicine for things they weren't meant for. Also, two years ago, I broke both my legs, and they started giving me Oxy and then they just kept giving it to me. I kept taking more and more of it...until one day I looked down at the handful I was holding and thought, "At this rate, I'm going to run out weeks early. I need to take less. I could take less if I tried snorting it.". And then I thought, "Holy shit." and got kind of freaked out.

I tried several times to stop, I kept trying to reduce the amount and slowly get off it, but eventually, I would end up with a handful again.

Finally, on January 10th, I had a full day without anything - pain pills, muscle relaxers, xanax, cold pills, benadryl - and the next day too, and the day after that...

Writing has helped, given me something to throw myself back into, something I didn't realize I missed until I started doing it again. Knowing it's not just my life I'm making better, but the people who love me and support me - there's not a lot of those, but the ones there are, have done so much for me, and I want to be in a better place so I can return the favor.

There's more to the story - there's a lot to the story actually, probably tons I'll never share with most people - but for today, I can't believe I made it six months. Back when I was detoxing - vomiting and unable to sleep for days and shaking all over and trying not to break - I didn't think this would really happen.

Six months. It's not much, but it's probably more days total without drugs than I've had in the entirety of the last decade - so it's enough for me right now.

I also did the math and realized my nine months will be Sunday, October 10th - during which I will be at SPN Chicago Con. So I guess my reward will be Jared and Misha. That should be everyone's reward for getting clean. *g*

Anyway, I just thought I should say something, so I have it down somewhere that I actually made it this far.

Now, on to tomorrow.

Dara :): [SPN] Gabrielsansdatelimite on July 12th, 2010 05:00 am (UTC)
It's probably not my place to say anything, since we're not really friends or whatever, but this is so very good and I'm happy for you in the way only a random person you've talked to a handful of times on the internet can be. :)

I don't have anything else to say besides good luck on the next six months. <3

Also? Jealous about the SPN Chicago Con.
dodger_sister: oc group hug-hiyacynthdodger_sister on July 13th, 2010 04:42 am (UTC)
Thank you! It's weird to be like talking on the internet about things that aren't just Chad Michael Murray or Misha Collins, but I'm actually really glad I made the post. *g*

Am so excited about Chicago Con - mostly because I am taking my fifteen year old cousin to her first convention ever (she is so nervous, it's adorable!) I am also psyched that Richard is going to be there and that I found my Sim Comic Book (where Dean and Sam compete in So You Think You Can Dance against Dodger Sim and she totally wins, not because my sister rigged it, but because Dodger Sim wins all dance competitions always!) so I can get Jared to sign it. Castiel isn't in it, so Misha will have to sign something else.

In other news - have I told you how awesome you are today? Will give you proper feedback at a proper time, but I was skimming your journal, catching up now that my epic project is over, and I went to see what other fics you've written besides that one I constantly bother you about - and I realized YOU wrote that Gabriel and Sam are neighbors who go to college at Stanford and omg, I have read that story 5 times - how did I not know that was you?! Will ramble at you about it over on your journal when I have time but, suffice to say, I must now read everything you have written - you know, when I'm done devoring everyone's HS_Bingo fics. <--Omg, Young!Dodger in my mind just beat me upside the head for admitting I read that shit - when did I turn into a girl? Oh right, wait, am a girl, shit. *g*
Dara :): [Heroes] Adamsansdatelimite on July 13th, 2010 05:22 am (UTC)
Weird, but good, I think. :)

You're making me so jealous! The only con I've ever been to was Anime Iowa, two years ago, and that... was traumatizing. I'm going to the San Deigo Comic Con next year though. Still way jealous about Chicago Con. So, so jealous. My best friend is going, too.

Wow, omg, I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me about my writing before, haha. Is leaving two long, epic comments that made me flail happily considered constantly bothering? Because, NGL, the comments still make me grin like a loon when I see them. Also, omg, the Stanford fic that I have like, half a sequel written for. @_@ I'm so glad to hear you liked it (even if it's in serious need of a beta, haha)! I'm so embarrased now, haha.

Don't feel bad, everyone has their own secret guilty pleasure fics. Like, I'm all about Castiel whumpage. :)
dodger_sister: thinkingface-quoth_thedodger_sister on July 13th, 2010 08:10 am (UTC)
Okay, I'm jealous you are going to Comic Con - because COMIC CON!! Like, every show/movie I love and all the people I love and I would be one of those people who wouldn't be able to decide where to go to next! I think it would be like when Willy Wonka took them all into the room where everything was edible and they all just stood there staring for like ten minutes with their mouths hanging open. *g*

Is your friend who is going to Chicago on LJ somewhere? At some point, closer to October, I plan to make a post that I'm going, see if anyone wants to grab lunch or something.

I have been maybe secretly wondering if there might ever be a sequel to the Stanford fic - and omg, if you were wondering if anyone was interested - yes, hi /waves/

Don't feel bad, everyone has their own secret guilty pleasure fics. Like, I'm all about Castiel whumpage. :)

Cas whumpage? Am fandom illerate it seems - please to explain, because whumpage is a fun word and I must know what it means.

I am so used to my guilty pleasures being about porn stuff. Porn stuff I have no shame over. But apparently, things like, "I like kid!fic or AUs about high school and college" seemingly embarass me more than, "I like Castiel to be tied up". /shakes head/ And there's a little insight into me. *g*
Dara :): [SPN] Property of Cassansdatelimite on July 13th, 2010 07:34 pm (UTC)
That's exactly how I feel about it, haha. I'll probably just end up following my BFF around the whole time because I'm incapable of making decisions when it comes to things to do/see.

I've been trying to get my BFF on LJ since I met her five years ago. She has an iron will though. :S

I've just had so much writing I need to get done (deancasbigbang, spn_gabriel_sam fic exchange) and I need a new job, so anything that isn't OMGDORIGHTNOW kind of got pushed to the back burners... Now that I'm thinking about it though, it probably wouldn't take long to finish... huh.

Urbandictionary has whump as "A fandom term, commonly used by fan fiction authors (particularly in the Stargate genre) to describe physical and/or mental abuse laid on a character in a story." becasue I'm too lazy to paraphrase. It's 87 degrees out and my AC is broken. I'm too lazy for everything today.

I love AUs that involve highschool or college or whatever. I don't even know why, haha. I get so embarrased when my friends see I have cute fics bookmarked/posted on my LJ 'cause I'm usually such an angst!whore.
bugeyedmonsterbugeyedmonster on July 12th, 2010 07:18 am (UTC)

dodger_sisterdodger_sister on July 13th, 2010 05:08 am (UTC)
Thanks! It was a good weekend. *g*
hiyacynth: SPN: Bobby: Giving Sam lessons in Awesomhiyacynth on July 12th, 2010 01:32 pm (UTC)
I'm so proud of and happy for you, sweetie. You're amazing!

*ginormous hugs*
dodger_sister: oc group hug-hiyacynthdodger_sister on July 13th, 2010 05:45 am (UTC)
Thanks, babe! Did you notice - the date the 10th - it's a good date, right? Your wedding was a pretty damn excellent way to celebrate my first 3 months! Haven't quite figured out how Chicago Con is going to work, but it'd be hella awesome if you and Mark wanted to do dinner or lunch on that Saturday (then I'd get to spend my 9 month celebration with you too!)

*hugs you back with big squishes*