I just remember the worst part being the anxiety of no one knowing what was wrong with me. I didn’t talk about it much on LJ because this was my happy place to get away from the anxiety, but it was utterly nerve-wracking. I was watching an episode of ‘House’ the other day and the sick person was saying something like, “You don’t know what it’s like to know there is something wrong with your body and have no one believe you. To have them keep running tests and finding nothing and sending you away. You would think finding out you are going to die is the worst thing but it’s not. Not knowing is the worst thing.” It really jolted me because I know that feeling.
I was sure it was a concussion but the doctors at the local hospital never even looked at the lump on my head. Not once. The tech and my nurse were both horrified by the size of it and the fact that I had a scab there proving it had actually bled. But the doctors? ‘No, you didn’t have a seizure’ - (my sister told them if one more doctor told her that, as if she doesn’t know what a seizure looks like, that she was taking me out of there - now I wish she had) - and that ‘there wasn’t any bleeding in my brain, so it couldn’t be a concussion’. I mean, how stupid is that? You can have a concussion without bleeding in your brain - even I know that.
Later it was pointed out to me, by more competent people, that the scab was from the corner of the medicine cabinet literally stabbing into my head. And that it was in the soft spot of my skull - (adults have one too, it just isn’t as vulnerable as when we are babies) - and apparently it is the section of your brain that controls your breathing, heart rate, all that stuff that was completely wonky in me for weeks afterwards. Even when I started throwing up, they insisted I just had the flu, that it wasn’t a concussion. I spent months being terrified that I was dying and that no one would know what was wrong with me until after they did my autopsy, when I was dead. Because they just kept telling me that they couldn’t find anything and sending me away.
Let’s not even talk about how I had injuries from the seizure itself that no one bothered to check out, no matter how much I complained about pain. Turns out I popped my rib out of joint and it’s never going to stay completely in place again.
It was terrible and I wish it on no one.
And while we are on the subject of head injuries - people need to stop having them! I have had two friends in bicycle accidents in the last month, no helmets, and both suffering severe concussions - one that makes my head injury look like a candy-parade. One of the people was chased by a dog and the other hit by an elderly driver. They are both doing okay now, but they will be feeling it for months to come. And my Canadian Nephew fell down a flight of stairs, head first. A week before it happened, my brother was telling me how he had been nosing around the stairs with interest and yet, they apparently didn’t put up the baby gate. He ended up vomiting twice afterwards and the ER docs insisted he just had the flu. I call bullshit on that, but thankfully he is better now.
My point is…medical shit sucks ass, please wear your helmets when out riding your bicycles because you may be a good rider but the other people out there are stupid, and put up your damn baby gates. Also, please watch out for yourselves - you guys are all too awesome for anything to happen to you.
Thus ends the anniversary of the worst week of my life. Maybe by next year, I'll have let it go.