dodger_sister (dodger_sister) wrote,

The Night Before Christmas, Winchester-Style.

Twas The Night Before Christmas
As told by Dean Winchester
Transcribed by Dodger_Sister

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
(Yeah, it’s a motel and it definitely has mice.)

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In the hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there
(Okay, those stockings are only hanging over the radiator because we had to wade through some muck earlier to kill a swamp monster.)

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar plums danced in their heads
(What the fuck is a sugarplum? Is that like code for ‘hot chick’ or something?)

And Mamma in her kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap
(Hopefully to dream about some of Santa’s little helpers, if you know what I mean.)

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
(Somebody better not be messing with the Impala or there will be serious hell to pay.)

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash
(Or pulled back the flimsy paisley covered curtains that are nailed into the wall for some reason.)

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave a luster of mid-day to objects below
(Heehee, breast.)

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer
(Holy shit! Sammy, wake up! You’ve got to see this!)

With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment, it must be St. Nick
(Wait, for real? Uh…Sam, get the shotgun.)

More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name
(Shit, he’s gonna wake up the whole damn neighborhood like that.)

"Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!
(Is it me or do all the reindeer kind of have stripper names?)

To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall,
Now, dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
(Oh shit, they’re coming straight for us!)

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
(Damn, that’s some serious horse power. Or maybe, reindeer-power. Shut up, I’m not a dork. You’re the dork, dork.)

So up to the housetop the coursers they flew,
With a sleigh full of toys and St. Nicholas too
(Toys! Hell yes!)

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof
(That can’t be safe. This place looks like it hasn’t gotten a new roof since it was built.)

As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound
(Uh, are we suppose to be staking this guy now?)

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot
(Yeah, been there, man.)

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack
(Toys! Right, sorry, Sam. Focus, I got it.)

His eyes, how they twinkled, his dimples, how merry,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry
(Rosy cheeks and red nose, huh? Sounds like an alcoholic and a coke-head to me. What? I am not an alcoholic!)

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow
(Silver knife or wooden stake then?)

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath
(Dude, Santa, what’s in the pipe?)

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly
(Jelly! Sorry, I’m freaking starving.)

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself
(We don’t have to gank this guy, do we? What does Bobby say?)

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread
(Cool. ‘Cause he’s really starting to grow on me.)

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk
(Uh, Santa? Man, you might not want to touch those socks. You do not know where those have been.)

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose
(Awesome! Sam, did you see that? That shit was cool.)

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle
(He really needs to stop whistling though. The hooker next door will be pissed if he wakes her up.)

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good-night!"
(Awww, well that’s nice. Yeah, merry Christmas, Sammy. Merry Christmas.)

The End

Tags: christmas - the magic and the wonder, dean winchester - i'd tap that, fandom - supernatural, fic - holiday, fiction - mine, i apologize to my flist, poetry - mine, rating - pg-13, spn love, written - 2012

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