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10 January 2013 @ 04:06 pm
...And Counting.  
Three years drug-free today. I just wanted to mark it down somewhere.


This last year felt harder than the rest because post-concussion, I was so stressed out and anxious and also unable to do anything that I could have easily fallen back into it. When you are basically only able to lay around thinking about how sick you are and you can’t even sit up long enough to read or write as a distraction, it makes the haze and oblivion more tempting.

I actually wonder if I would still be clean if I had access to anything and I think the answer would probably be ‘no’. But we keep the Benadryl and nighttime cold pills up so high that I can’t reach them and the Xanax my sister hid somewhere that I wouldn’t even know where to start looking for it and since I am unable to just go on down to a street corner and get something, I have stayed sober by default.

Which bothers me sometimes, but then I remind myself that the real accomplishment is that I get up everyday and keep going forward with life and I do it on my own, raw with nothing in my system to dull the edges. That I have done this everyday for three years is kind of astonishing to me.

I feel accomplished that I just made it through another year. I think we all should celebrate that sometimes, because we all get up everyday and keep moving forward, and sometimes that’s a feat in itself.

In other news, hiyacynth and Munchy P are coming for a visit this weekend! I feel like I haven’t seen them in forever. And my sister made a FanGirl Jeopardy for us to play (it’s a thing she’s been doing for years and yes, it is as fun as it sounds!) so I am seriously psyched for the weekend!
 
 
 
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on January 10th, 2013 09:16 pm (UTC)
Congratulations to you!

I think that no matter if the defeat came in the eye of the storm and access or not, that it's still a defeat and you should be equally as proud. It's great, too, that you have people supporting you and thus managing the things around you to keep you from them.

dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 08:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)

I am very grateful for my sister helping me manage things as she has. Honesty I wanted to throw out everything, anything I had ever abused, my sister was insistent that she needed to keep at least the basics in the house, so the compromise was that everything gets hidden away.
Kate: Dean time rambles onceitfianna on January 10th, 2013 10:18 pm (UTC)
Congratulations and you did it. That's the part that counts.
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 08:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Three years of actually living my life is certainly something to be proud of. And without this accomplishment, I would never have met you, which would suck. <3

edited for horrendous typos!

Edited at 2013-01-13 09:29 pm (UTC)
Trigger Warning: Lifematchboximpala on January 10th, 2013 10:36 pm (UTC)
Random Hobbit image to express determination and resolution:

TH_1

Congratulations, girl. That is a great achievement and one worth celebrating every day.
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 08:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

Your random Hobbit image to express determination has made me grin like a loon.
(Deleted comment)
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 08:54 pm (UTC)
"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it."

Damn, woman, you're going to make me cry, quoting Buffy at me. It is so very true though. Thank you. :)
lizibabes: Tommy long hairlizibabes on January 10th, 2013 11:25 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I think you should be really proud of yourself hun, what you've done is amazing and took so much strength, I know a lot of people who couldn't do what you've done.

Also fangirl jeopardy sounds awesome, your sister is clearly a genius
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 09:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks, babe!

I appreciate the support so much. Some days are easier than others but when I think 'Three Years' I just get kind of blown away.

Fangirl Jeopardy is awesome! My sister is always the host and asks all the questions and we have little buzzers to buzz in when we know the answer. In the past we have had a multifandom board and a Supernatural Jeopardy and this time it was actually Middle-Earth Jeopardy! My sister is totally a genius and I am glad this is the kind of thing she uses her superpowers for!
Shirebound: Piglet dancingshirebound on January 10th, 2013 11:45 pm (UTC)
I'm SO PROUD OF YOU.
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 09:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!!! <3s
bugeyedmonsterbugeyedmonster on January 11th, 2013 12:29 am (UTC)
Congrats! And if you have to keep stuff out of reach to stay sober, it's still a victory.
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 09:08 pm (UTC)
And if you have to keep stuff out of reach to stay sober, it's still a victory.

I think I need to hear that sometimes. I just get worried about the day I have to go back on pain pills for legit reasons and whether or not I will be able to manage it then. But for right now, I'll take the victory!

Thank you, darling.
Abyssisabyssinia4077 on January 11th, 2013 12:45 am (UTC)
1) Congratulations! Milestones are definitely worth noting.

2) I got to see Munchy P on Monday. He is adorable. You will be smitten.
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 09:13 pm (UTC)
1) Thank you!

2) Omg, Munchy P's hair with the longer curls forming at the back - how fricking cute is that? And he has the strangest sense of humor - he finds the weirdest things funny...all too adorable.

They are on their way home as we speak.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on January 11th, 2013 03:09 am (UTC)
Sober by default is still sober, and DAMN, but you should be PROUD.

I haven't been three months, let alone three years, off of smoking cigarettes since I was fifteen. That's thirty years of stupid. So you totally kick ass.
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 09:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I know and I am proud, but also overwhelmed when I think too much about it because Three Years, holy shit.

I smoked in high school but more to stave off anxiety when it hit than any real 'addiction' to actual smoking. It was more something to do with my hands. But you should quit, woman! That shit, it'll bite you in the ass as you get older. But you know that, of course.

How is that even possible when you work at a school? Do you all not have that 'no smoking on school grounds' policy out there? We had that policy in place even when I was in school, which was problematic at a school for troubled teens. The teachers just turned a blind eye to the fact that we all spent our breaks in the woods that ran along the edge of the school property.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on January 13th, 2013 11:49 pm (UTC)
I don't smoke at all during the school day - I have my last morning one in the car on the way in, my first afternoon one in the car on the way out. From about 7 am until 3:15 pm, I'm totally a non-smoker. :P

And it's still (partially) something to do with my hands. Which is why an e-cig will sometimes help.
lanie: celebrateprincesslanie on January 11th, 2013 04:45 am (UTC)
congrats, you are doing great.

i know what you mean about moving forword day to day as an accomplishment, hugs.

have a super awesome visit together.
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 09:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you, daring!

i know what you mean about moving forword day to day as an accomplishment, hugs.

It's true - 'one day at a time' does not just apply to addictions. I think divorce completely qualifies as a 'take it one day at a time' thing.

/hugs back/

I had a lovely visit with my friend. Her son is almost two and he has the craziest sense of humor. He cracks up at the best things!
lindahoylandlindahoyland on January 11th, 2013 04:56 am (UTC)
Well done!
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 09:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you, darling! :)
fragrantwoodsfragrantwoods on January 11th, 2013 04:30 pm (UTC)
Congratulations, you! Sober is sober, and if the universe wants to help by putting some things out of reach, more power to it :-) That's a wonderful accomplishment. Feeling bad has to make slipping more tempting, so yay, you, for getting through each day. That's so awesome :-)

Enjoy your visitors--it sounds fun-filled!
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2013 09:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)

Feeling bad has to make slipping more tempting, so yay, you, for getting through each day

It was definitely a hard year, since I was so unable to do much for so many months and staying busy and distracted is what has kept me going all these three years. But I did it, so it's all a Win in my book!

My visit was wonderful! We went to the mall and out to dinner and spent the rest of the time wrangling an adorable two year old! Not a bad weekend.