?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
20 April 2013 @ 05:12 pm
That Answer Is Incorrect.  
I feel like I've posted a lot this week, but I had to get this one off my chest. It's been bugging me since yesterday.

When a medical professional asks me a medical-orientated question…I answer them. They are a professional and we are suppose to be partners in my health care.

The correct answer to details about my health history is not..."Oh, you poor thing."

It is especially not the correct answer when you are suppose to be a professional. I expect that kind of bullshit from little old ladies - which is why I tend not to answer those kinds of questions when asked by little old ladies or well, anyone I don't know enough to be able to gauge what their reaction will be.

But as a medical professional, if you ask me a question that pertains to my treatment, I will answer you. I'm not going to be all, "That's personal," to someone whom I am entrusting my body and health with.

But the answer is never, under any circumstances, "Oh, you poor thing."

I even gave her just the quick, 90 second summary of when the arthritis kicked in, which answered her question, yes the damage now is from years of living with the disease, and yes those years have encompassed most of my life.

But, just...no, lady. This is the same girl who does my massage sometimes that I think she doesn't do it aggressive enough. And before that, I had been working with The Kid, a nice young guy who is very funny and silly and likes to talk about movies and TV with me, but she came over and kicked him out so that she could take over. Maybe this is why I have never been that comfortable with her, because I could sense that would be her reaction to things like this. Whereas, The Kid would probably be like, "Dude, that bites ass," and my actual PT would just have the professional restraint not to make any comment on it, other than to ask other medically relevant questions.

Anyways, that happened and I was 'grrr' for a bit, but hopefully typing it out will help me let it go. On the upside, I’ve gotten a lot of movement back in my shoulder that I was losing and my PT and I had a good talk about what things I am still having trouble with and decided to focus on rotation movement for awhile. I just miss the days when therapy didn’t feel quite so much like going to the doctor.
 
 
 
sarahk_1963sarahk_1963 on April 20th, 2013 09:20 pm (UTC)
It never ceases to amaze me, at how unprofessional, some professional care givers are.

I'm sorry that you had to hear such rubbish, and I should make a formal compliant about this, otherwise this person is going to continue to upset patients.

Because no one has actually told them (even though they should already know) that this type of response, is wrong, wrong, wrong and downright rude!

Glad that you have a bit of movement back in your shoulder and that you are focusing on the positive :)

sarahk
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on April 22nd, 2013 11:50 pm (UTC)
It never ceases to amaze me, at how unprofessional, some professional care givers are.

Right? Do you ever feel like you have to wade through ten different health care professionals to find just one decent one?

and I should make a formal compliant about this, otherwise this person is going to continue to upset patients.

I thought about it after reading your comment, but I am a little uneasy about it. Because I am friends with the boss of the place, I don't want people to start being like, "Oh, watch what you say around Dodger, she's friends with the boss!", you know? But I could say something to my actual therapist because this girl is her assistant, so that would be a good chain of command without going to the top or making it an official complaint. I was just so baffled at the time because I couldn't believe a person who deals with 50+ patients everyday with varying degrees of injuries/illness would actually say those words out loud to a patient.

Because no one has actually told them (even though they should already know) that this type of response, is wrong, wrong, wrong and downright rude!

Clearly, which again, baffles me!

Glad that you have a bit of movement back in your shoulder and that you are focusing on the positive :)

Thank you! After that terrible exchange with the assistant, I was glad to have a real sit down with my therapist and find a solution to one of my problems. <3
Jojojojothecr on April 20th, 2013 09:43 pm (UTC)
"Oh, you poor thing."
Really?! Oh, you poor thing! No, honestly, that's just sad. Especially that she kicked out 'your guy'. Didn't she know you're feeling better with him? Or did she know and simply didn't care? Bitch.
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on April 22nd, 2013 11:56 pm (UTC)
Really?! Oh, you poor thing! No, honestly, that's just sad.

I couldn't believe it. This girl knows very little about my life in the scheme of things - she certainly does not know enough to be offering me pity that I don't want!

Especially that she kicked out 'your guy'. Didn't she know you're feeling better with him? Or did she know and simply didn't care?

I think I was suppose to be 'honored' or something that she took over. In the ladder of who has more training and such, it goes Therapist, Therapist Assistant and then Aide - which means this girl was one step above The Kid and I think I was suppose to be like, "Oh good, I get to work with a professional today!" Except I don't think she does any better of a job than any of the aides do anyway.
Kate: charlie cat bullshitceitfianna on April 20th, 2013 09:57 pm (UTC)
Oh that's stupid. Health professionals should know better than anyone not to be patronizing to their patients because that just makes something that's not fun anyway worse. People suck sometimes.
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on April 23rd, 2013 12:02 am (UTC)
ahahahaha Your icon is wonderful!

Oh that's stupid. Health professionals should know better than anyone not to be patronizing to their patients because that just makes something that's not fun anyway worse.

It's always been the thing I like the best about my therapy place - that it doesn't feel like a 'medical' facility and I never feel like I am the 'disabled' person when I am there. That should be their job, to make it feel like that too.

But now, with this girl, idk it's like...there was always this constant feeling when I would go with my now-passed grandmother to her coffee hour, this struggle to make all those ladies see 'me' and see past my health issues and this reaction just reminded me so much of that.
Kate: Bones Oh Pleaseceitfianna on April 23rd, 2013 12:05 am (UTC)
You're welcome to snag it as its one I made. It looks so much like my cat Charlie did that I had to do something with the image.

Ugh, I know that feeling, its how I've felt with my administrators. I hate when people who's job it is to be helpful and professional end up patronizing and out of touch.
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on April 23rd, 2013 12:28 am (UTC)
Lol Your McCoy icon is also awesome. I think I will grab the Charlie Cat, it's too cute, thanks!

Ugh, I know that feeling, its how I've felt with my administrators. I hate when people who's job it is to be helpful and professional end up patronizing and out of touch.

We were watching this documentary today about inner city schools in DC. (we had to stop watching it after a little bit because J was getting depressed by the system) But anyways, there was this new teacher, about your age, first job, first year at the school, and the principal made a point of observing him once a week for a short time and then having an end of the week sit-down with him every week to discuss whatever he needed to be working on. Like she noted he didn't seem to have much of a lesson plan and he wasn't really letting the kids do enough hands-on, so she wanted him to work on that. She said he had a case of fresh-new-teacher going on and she just wanted to keep nudging him in the right direction. They were set to do that for the first two months and then maybe go bi-weekly or once a month or whatever.

The whole time I was thinking, "This is what K needed! A quick, even ten minute sit-down once a week to guide her while she got her bearings." But of course, you weren't a 'teacher', and they clearly don't care enough for the rest of their staff to bother with that kind of thing. But anyways, it made me think of you.
Kate: gaze to tomorrowceitfianna on April 23rd, 2013 12:35 am (UTC)
Yes, exactly and that's the kind of thing that they do give new teachers. Their first year, they are given a light review, mentored, lots of help because the department structure is so good. But I was a librarian with no department and my supervisor and I might as well have been speaking different languages.

I was able to learn a lot from teachers and the other librarian but not the committed mentorship I expected. They had even promised me an outside school librarian mentor as I made it clear when they hired me, I would do my best but I had never done this before.

There was just so little care, they kept forgetting how far I'd moved and all that stuff adds up. I think some of the staff do get that treatment but as with all groups, its a matter of luck. The right person to help you out, someone who gets you and cares and can do things. The lower school librarian completely got me but has little power.

Its a mess but I've been feeling good by writing up a sort of end of the year report, packet for the next librarian. 3000 words so far full of details of this worked, this didn't, I started this. I just need to edit to take out the and they sucked at this.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on April 20th, 2013 10:08 pm (UTC)
The next time she tries to "oh poor thing" you, can you look her dead in the eye and say, "I don't feel you're being professional to say that in such a condescending way, or really, to make that sort of comment in any tone at all. Can we just address the history, symptoms, and procedures for improvement, please?"
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on April 23rd, 2013 12:10 am (UTC)
The next time she tries to "oh poor thing" you, can you look her dead in the eye and say, "I don't feel you're being professional to say that in such a condescending way, or really, to make that sort of comment in any tone at all. Can we just address the history, symptoms, and procedures for improvement, please?"

Actually this suggestion really helped me formulate a plan of action. I think the next time this girl asks me a medical question (beyond 'What hurts today?") but like about the actual disease or doctors treatments or anything, I think I am just going to say the same thing I say to old ladies and friends of my mom's, "I am not comfortable answering that question." And if she pulls out the, "I am a medical professional" card, I am going to be straight up and say, "The last time I answered a question about my history, you gave me a very unprofessional response and I am no longer comfortable answering questions that don't pertain to exactly what we are doing right now."

Or something like that. I've had unprofessional responses from other medical personnel before, but it's usually someone that I know I am only seeing the once, so I don't worry about it. But if I have to keep working with this girl, I think the best course of action is just to shut her down when it comes up, just like I would any non-medical professional. Which is a sad thing, because she is suppose to be trained in PR as much as the actual treatment options.
Shireboundshirebound on April 21st, 2013 12:22 am (UTC)
"Oh, you poor thing."

Responses like that is the reason I don't share too many mentions of aches and pains with my mom. *sigh*
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on April 23rd, 2013 12:13 am (UTC)
Responses like that is the reason I don't share too many mentions of aches and pains with my mom. *sigh*

I feel ya'. That's why I don't give details to my grandma. She means well but she always makes me cringe with her responses.

My mother, however, is a one-upper. She dismisses whatever I say and then proceeds to tell me her own ailments. /shakes head/
ranuaranua on April 23rd, 2013 02:29 am (UTC)
I'm sorry your day at therapy kinda sucked. It sounds like this girl has a case of thinking very highly of herself. Butting in when you were already working with someone (aide or not) and then treating you with condescension. Is this the same person who discounted your assessment/knowledge of how you were doing a while back?

Imo a word with her direct supervisor might do the trick, hell it'd probably be a good idea. Like feedback or a comment card. If she doesn't know she's doing wrong, she'll never fix it.

That's lovely news about the improvement in your shoulder. I'll keep a good thought for you, babe.
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on April 29th, 2013 12:05 am (UTC)
I'm sorry your day at therapy kinda sucked. It sounds like this girl has a case of thinking very highly of herself.

And you know how that irks me! When someone thinks their schooling makes them somehow know better than me the person who lives in the body. You'd be surprised how many professionals though, people who had years of training, say the completely wrong thing to someone who is suffering. Once, when I started crying over something a doctor had told me, she then lectured me on how I need to be an inspiration for others. Which is never the right thing to say, let alone when someone is seriously ill and getting bad news!

Is this the same person who discounted your assessment/knowledge of how you were doing a while back?

I can't recall for sure, but probably. In the last year, she's the only person I've had a real issue with (besides the dude who didn't believe me that I need heat!)

Imo a word with her direct supervisor might do the trick, hell it'd probably be a good idea.

I thought about it, but it's so weird because I know these people so well by now that it feels odd to complain. I wish I had said something in the moment. It would have been less confrontational if when she had said it, I had just been like, "Uh, no. Disabled people don't want your pity - they get that enough from everyone else." Idk, the last session went better, so hopefully it won't be an issue again.

That's lovely news about the improvement in your shoulder. I'll keep a good thought for you, babe.

Thank you! I am already back to being able to do a few of the tasks I hadn't been able to in awhile, so it's def helping.
lizibabes: Brendonlizibabes on April 23rd, 2013 09:17 pm (UTC)
That sucks ass bb. What was she thinking?

I hope you get to work with the Kid more than her, that wasn't proffesional.

Like for me, I know my health sucks and it's fine to say that, but I don't want pity from a stranger.

*hugs*
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on April 29th, 2013 12:10 am (UTC)
What was she thinking?

It's like she wasn't thinking! Because I am sure her inside response was, "Oh no, I like Dodger so much and it is awful that she's had to be sick for so long," and that's fine, but you never say that out loud! Use your brain to mouth filter, you know.

I hope you get to work with the Kid more

I never get to work with The Kid. :( He's the youngest staff person there, so he literally seems to get the crap jobs, the 'run here, grab this, take this here, fetch me that' jobs. But I at least got to work with C last week, so we could talk about our shows together!

Like for me, I know my health sucks and it's fine to say that, but I don't want pity from a stranger.

EXACTLY. My whole fucking life has been trying to get people to see ME and not my illness or disability. We are so much more than our health, you know - we don't want your pity.