Now all of those things that seemed so terrible on Monday seem slightly less so, except for the fact that the Detroit Tigers traded my favorite pitcher! WHY?! They traded Doug Fister and I…I can’t, it’s too awful. At least the few people I have talked about this with agree that it was a BAD IDEA. I am so sad about it. Guy Therapist told me about it and then he was all, “Omg, I’m SO sorry, oh shit, you’re gonna cry. Don’t cry. Shit, I made you cry,” and I said in the saddest voice, “I hadn’t heard that. Why would they do that? Between him and Fielder, it’s like 1992 all over again, I don’t even recognize my team anymore.” It’s so messed up, you guys.
But anyways, here, let me tell you some kid-stories:
1) The Nephew double-checked with my sister that we would be taking him to see The Hobbit while he is here over his Christmas break. Then he said, “What if it is gone already by Christmas? I don’t want to miss it on accident. Maybe we should just go the day it first comes here. That seems like a better idea.” The little fanboy wants to go on opening day! There’s no way he is coming with us during our first viewing, but still, it shows his true fanboy heart!
2) For my Sleepy Hollow peeps…We were playing action figures and The Nephew had a snake attack one of my guys. My guy fell over and yelled for the paramedics, because the snake was poisonous. The Nephew’s guy came over and starting sucking the poison out (he learned this from some movie or another) and I said, “Is he the Poison Eater?” and The Nephew said, “Yep, that’s his paramedic job, he’s the poison eater,” and I said, “Does he suck it out and then spread it on bread and eat it?” and he, completely serious and without blinking or, you know, having any idea what I was talking about, goes, “Yep. That’s how he does that, you know.”
3) We Skyped with The Canadians around Thanksgiving and for The Canadian Niece’s birthday, so we got to watch her open the presents we’d sent her. They put the Skype visual up on their TV and she kept waving at us and putting on a show with all her new dress-up costumes. Her brother, who is 2 ½ now, just kept staring at the TV, all bug-eyed. See, he knew us, but we were on his TV and people on TV aren’t real, but we are real, but we were on his TV. See the mind fuck we had on that kid? So then, because he wouldn’t engage with us, we called him on the phone. Then he could hear us on the phone, and see and hear us on the TV, and he could watch us talking to him on the phone while he talked to us on the phone…I didn’t know the human eyes had the ability to bug out that hard. Seriously. When people say the expression, “His jaw dropped open like a hinge,”….that’s EXACTLY what The Canadian Nephew looked like throughout all of this, like a freaking Looney Tunes cartoon. It was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.
Alright, way past my body's bedtime. Night all!