I’m just gonna rant for a bit. I am sad to hear about Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death. Obviously, it hits close to home for me. I’m not spiraling out like I was over Cory Monteith, mostly because Cory’s story came into my life right when I was getting sober and I related a lot to him, and then to lose him like that was wracking. But I’ve always liked Hoffman and realizing how long he’d been sober before he relapsed, it’s a hard thing to wrap my head around - that it really never ends, addiction is forever. So I (stupidly) went to Tumblr, to see all the love there (I should have learned a long time ago that Tumblr is not a place to go for comfort). Bitches be pissing me off! If one more person makes a post about how taking drugs is a choice, that implies that addicts deserve to spend the rest of their lives being punished for a bad decision or a stupid mistake or even circumstances out of their control - but sure, that means they deserve to have it chase them all the way to the grave. But hey, my anger is keeping me from being depressed about it all. At any rate, it’s sad to have lost another great man and he will be missed. Rest In Peace, Mr. Hoffman.


Also, my mom is driving me nuts. While Grandpa was dying, she kept calling to ask, “Who’s with Grandma now? Whose turn is it?” Keep in mind, these are my father’s parents and he and my mom have been divorced for 18 years, so while she should certainly come to the funeral, the rest isn’t any of her concern. “Well, it sounded to me like you needed updated information, because you don’t know the latest.” I finally told her not to worry, that ‘they’ were taking care of everything and she said, “Who’s they?” And I was like, “*Cousin* and *Sister*, the two people who have been running this family since the day Grandpa went into that nursing home, three years ago. Who do you think?!” I mean, seriously, Grandma’s had her hands full with Grandpa since he got sick, how does my mom think this family stayed together? I was actually really pissed on their behalf. Then, the day he passed, my sister let everyone know at 7am and later my mom told me, “Well, I just talked to Canadian Brother and he didn’t know anything about it and he had just talked to your father and your father didn’t know either.” Which wasn’t true, but she wouldn’t believe me. “I had to be the one to tell your brother that Grandpa had passed.” My sister talked directly to my brother, so there was no miscommunication, and my dad had already even made a Facebook post about it. I’m a little concerned because Mom talked to my brother for 20 minutes and she honestly believes that she was the one that informed him of Grandpa’s passing.

She’s been super maniac lately actually. She’s (unfortunately) having to get all of her remaining teeth pulled and it’s causing her a lot of (completely justified) anxiety. Also, (sadly) The Canadian Niece has been diagnosed with arthritis (only in the one knee but she is dragging her leg behind her and everything). My mom is 110% worked up over that, no matter how many times I tell her that a) it will never be as bad as it was for me and b) even if it is, this isn’t 1979 and they actually know something about arthritis in kids now. I’m worried, yes, but my mom is completely gone about the whole thing. All of that on top of Grandpa passing away has her in a full maniac spiral. She also keeps trying to talk to me about my own childhood illness, but I finally told her straight up, “I don’t want to talk about any of that. Ever.” She will never understand how traumatizing the things that were done to me were and nothing good will come of me exploding at her about the shit she stood by and watched happen because ‘doctors know best’. I did tell my brother that any questions he has, I will revisit all of that if it can help my niece even a little, and that the best thing he can do for her is to stay by her side for everything, don’t let them run him out of the room unless it’s a radiation thing and to make them explain every test and procedure to him, so that he can explain it to her as it’s happening. It’ll make the whole thing a hell of a lot less scary for her.

Well, that was 800 words and I didn’t even get to what a pain in the ass this memorial service is becoming and how my sister’s stress levels are through the roof, all because Grandma refused to go through a funeral home and let her (not rich but certainly well-off) sons pay for any of it. Also, Canadians arrive Wednesday and I get to see the kids, but otoh I’m still sick and I just don’t have the energy. We’ll have to come back to the health issues later, guys. But seriously…I really can’t wait for the week to be over.