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27 April 2014 @ 11:05 pm
The Cycle Of Doom.  
I hate everything right now. Short-ish version cuz I'm in bed typing on my IPad's screen keyboard, but I spent all day Saturday in the ER. Because I passed out. On the toilet. In the middle of peeing. They scanned, xrayed and ultrasounded my brain, abdomen, kidneys, bladder, ribs and chest, as well as labwork and urine and all they came up with was a UTI. I looked it up and WebMD says nothing about passing out being a symptom of a UTI and the Mayo Clinic only lists it in the 'if it's turned into a kidney infection' section. But several message boards have people complaining about being dizzy/faint during urination with a UTI, though no one mentions actually passing out. A relative told me that she always knows the exact moment she gets a UTI because she gets a sudden massive dizzy spell out of nowhere and then 15 minutes later she starts having to pee like crazy. IDEFK at this point.

My mom asked me how I felt about that diagnosis and I said, "I don't even fucking know anymore, Mom. I give up. If the doctors say it's a UTI, then it's a fucking UTI. Whatever. I can't even deal with it, so yeah, sure, it's a UTI." Idk if it is or not or if that was the cause of the fainting - maybe a few days of antibiotics will help determine that - but I just can't deal with my body anymore. I've had it. I mean, I'm currently afraid to go pee and it's terrifying. And fuck, I'd finally started to really come back from that bronchitis, had such a good day on Friday; got dressed, ran errands, hung out with The BFF and was actually engaging in the socialization like at my normal level, stayed up until 10 like a pro...and twelve hours later was on my way to the ER in an ambulance.

It all started with a sharp pain in my side, so UTI or passing a kidney stone, yeah maybe. Or maybe my body is trying to kill me again. It wouldn't be the first time. That's what an auto-immune disorder is, your body attacking itself - and I have two of them. Ugh. You guys, I haven't even told you half of the shit that is going on with me these last two months because there is so much and it sucks so bad and I'm in not the best of places emotionally (though that was finally starting to look up for a second) and I've had to go on anti-anxiety meds and FUCK ALL. I'm just getting tired of this shit and I needed to vent it out. In a few days, I'm going to go back to working on my zen routine - it was going pretty good there for a minute, but nothing like a day at the hospital to set me back, right?

Anyways, I miss you guys. I wanna get some stable energy levels back - even low ones, as long as they are stable - so I can be back regularly with my peeps and my fandoms, where I belong.
Ironlily - Making My Marque: buffysurlyvikingprincess on April 28th, 2014 03:47 am (UTC)
Oh, honey. I am so sorry that all of this is happening. It sounds so far beyond sucktastic that it's not even in the same universe....
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on May 15th, 2014 11:38 pm (UTC)
It's been a major rough go of things since, oh, Thanksgiving when I started to get sick with the bronchitis, but certainly since Grandpa died, for sure. I thought the warm weather coming along would help things to look up again, but not so much. On top of it all, I've had a major snafu with my health insurance (putting t mildly) and so every time I am sick and have to see someone, I get that extra added worry about whether or not this will even be covered or if I'll have to pay for it.

Thanks for all the love and support, babe! At least baseball season is back!
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on May 16th, 2014 01:14 am (UTC)
Oh, honey. I'd say 'try to put it out of your mind,' but I know that's freaking impossible. *hugs*

Hooray for your Boys of Summer, though!
bugeyedmonsterbugeyedmonster on April 28th, 2014 03:52 am (UTC)
Sending hugs.
dodger_sister: comfortdodger_sister on May 15th, 2014 11:38 pm (UTC)
/hugs back/ Thanks, darling! <3
Shirebound: Sleeping Frodo - Mucun/Reishirebound on April 28th, 2014 12:42 pm (UTC)
That must have been frightening. I'm sorry that your year has been so awful so far.

*tight hugs*
dodger_sister: sickdodger_sister on May 15th, 2014 11:42 pm (UTC)
Passing out/fainting is quite literally the thing that terrifies me the most. Idk what it is about it that sets me off, but I am scared to death of that moment where you regain consciousness and are disoriented and still unable to make your body work for you. I've had two broken femurs and I'd take those over passing out any day.

This year has been rough - it seems like it's been one thing after another every since Grandpa passed away. I try to look at the positive things - like at least it's getting warmer and baseball is back and all my babies have remained healthy so far this year!

I appreciate the support, darling, thanks so much!
Denidenig37 on April 28th, 2014 01:45 pm (UTC)

You kick those health issues in the ass! *jumps up and down waving around like the weirdest cheerleader you have ever seen*
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on May 15th, 2014 11:43 pm (UTC)
/hugs back/

You kick those health issues in the ass! *jumps up and down waving around like the weirdest cheerleader you have ever seen*

LOL That put an image in my head that was totally bizarre and completely made me smile! Thanks, bb!
Who'da thought, baby? We're civilians.dugindeep on April 28th, 2014 02:34 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and life is knocking you down. But I know you'll persevere and get back up again!

dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on May 15th, 2014 11:46 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and life is knocking you down. But I know you'll persevere and get back up again!

I get knocked down, but I get up again? LOL

I'm used to life hitting me in the chest a lot, but multiple times in a row seems unfair. This weekend I am definitely staying in my pjs and watching crappy reality TV all weekend (I've taped some episodes of 'Sex Sent Me To The ErR and last weekend I watched 'Secretly Pregnant'!) and taking some time off for myself. I've earned it!

Thanks, bb!
Kate: fox kitsceitfianna on April 28th, 2014 07:10 pm (UTC)
*hugs you lots* Bodies suck and yours is being particularly cruel. I hope things get better.
dodger_sister: sickdodger_sister on May 15th, 2014 11:50 pm (UTC)
Thanks, darling! Yeah, my body has always hated me, but in general it sticks to the 'one thing at a time' rule. It seems to have forgotten that we had a deal! I'm just feeling kind of slammed and with some personal stresses on top of it all.

Want some good news? My brother and his wife bought their first house!! They are about 20 minutes closer than they were before and all on main roads instead of the back country area where they were, so now going to get The Nephew (and The Niece) will be much easier for us. They also live just down the road from a public park/lake area, so maybe this summer we'll be making some extra trips out that way and letting my brother handle all he family cookouts for a while!
Kate: goddess with birdceitfianna on May 16th, 2014 12:02 am (UTC)
That's not a good combo. Yay, I remember you talking about them looking for someplace and being near a park is great.
(Deleted comment)
dodger_sister: sickdodger_sister on May 15th, 2014 11:53 pm (UTC)
The awful thing about auto-immune disorders is that once you have one, you are more likely to get another one. I started out with one for about 25 years and then bam, slammed with another out of nowhere. Now my chances for a third are even higher. So whenever I get weird symptoms that seem to have no cause, like this passing out, I have to wonder, "What weird auto-immune disorder is coming my way now?"

I have since been told I did NOT have a UTI, but screw it, I stayed on the antibotiocs just in case. I am told now that I have a virus that causes inflammation around the nerves in my inner ear - though that still doesn't explain the passing out. So, IDEK, but I am slowly getting better, so at least that's something!

Thanks for the love, babe! <3
lindahoylandlindahoyland on April 29th, 2014 03:18 am (UTC)
I think any sort of infection can make you faint. Our minister's husband fainted in the loo while recovering from a gastric infection and ended up in the hospital. He is fine now.

Sending hugs and good wishes your way.Health issues are no fun to deal with.
dodger_sister: comfortdodger_sister on May 15th, 2014 11:58 pm (UTC)
The passing out was so weird because the day before, I had had one of the best days health-wise and energy-wise that I had had in a long while and then I woke up so seriously ill. It was quite scary! No real answer has been given for the passing out or the later dizzy spells but the anti-dizzy medication seems to be helping, so that's something at least. My body reacts to things going on inside of it in such weird ways, that what might cause someone else to just be extra tired, will cause me to pass out, or what causes someone else to pass out, will cause me to stop breathing. So it makes it extra hard to figure out what is going on in there!

Thank you for the good wishes! All your updates on little Harry have certainly been making me smile!!!
Trigger Warning: Lifematchboximpala on April 29th, 2014 06:31 am (UTC)
I hate to hear this. I wish there was something more I could do other than send sympathy your way. I thought of a good gif I could make to express your anger, but it is probably going to take me a few days to make it.

Until then: many, many *hugs*.
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on May 16th, 2014 12:00 am (UTC)
It seems like with the bronchitis and Grandpa passing away and then my mom's dog being attacked and some issues I've been having with my health insurance and now having this virus, it's just been a long year so far. And I feel like I've spent so much of it down and out, that I am getting frustrated with everything. All the support is appreciated, babe! You always make me smile!
Trigger Warning: Lifematchboximpala on May 16th, 2014 06:16 am (UTC)
And the year is less than half over. You need some good luck soon. I wish I had magical powers to send it to you.
dodger_sister: angrydodger_sister on May 16th, 2014 08:08 pm (UTC)
And the year is less than half over.

That's the part that is crazy to me though - it's already May and I feel like I have done nothing with my year so far, except deal with one crisis after another. Every week that goes by, I've got more things stacked up to deal with and that does NOT help my stress levels. I'm focusing on feeling better this month, but June is all for writing!