For your pleasure. Not mine. /looks around shifty eyed at you all/
Also, I live under the delusion/truth that AS ALL WORLD TURNS IS A REAL SHOW - DON'T TELL ME IT ISN'T - I CAN'T HEAR YOU - LALALALA
Episode Three - Love For All Ages
Kitty Pryde and Jubilee have suddenly become young adults, in three episodes, oh soap operas. Kitty works at the grocery store and Jubilee works at the graveyard. Living together, I expect them to engage in pillow fights, and because it's Sunset Valley, the gayest place on earth, lesbian-ism. Go progressive soap operas.
Dean Winchester quit his job at the police department! Boo, no more uniform!! Oh wait, he decided to stay home and watch TV all day. In his UNDERWEAR!! (a white wifebeater and grey boxer-briefs, ladies, OH YAY As All World Turns Rocks!)
Dean’s brother, Sam, was kind of weirded out by this turn of events, mostly because Dean was sitting around in his underwear in their living room watching ESPN all day. It turned out to be a lucky thing for Sam, though. It forced him out of the house more and he met a wonderful man named Rob Benedict. They were, like, immediately all over each other. Go, Sam! It was kind of hot, actually. I might need to vid their relationship at a later date. Maybe after I vid Misha/Richard4evah! <--I’m having trouble finding the perfect song.
Edward Twilight brought two co-workers home to live with him and his wife, Bella. Undercover cops investigating the mysterious disappearance of their daughter Jaime? Or just orgy people? You decide, Fandom.
I don't know why Giles is still living with The Teagues, but he totally has a boyfriend now! Warren Worthington aka Angel. I hear Warren has money. Go for it, Giles! He can be your sugar-daddy and you won't have to live with the incestuous mother/son duo anymore.
But shit, oh shit, I almost forgot - worst news ever you guys!!! Bobby Singer, like the nicest cranky old man ever, is dating Genevieve Teague now! Just cuz Jason totally reminds him of some boy he couldn't save back whenever (oh soap opera monologues where they talk aloud to themselves about exposition), maybe he'll try to save Jason from his crazy evil mother. But Bobby, honey, no!! It’s not worth it. Just run, Bobby, run!
Shawn Spencer is dating Genevieve Cortese, but we know something he doesn't - she is also totally carrying on with a co-worker behind his back. Like in the supply closet at work and shit. God, she's such a skank. Shawn is too much of a sweetheart for this woman. (okay, he’s a total crack-monkey too, but whatever, he’s still a total sweetheart!) I'm so protective of these guys, but seriously, Shawn, everyone knows she's a total skank.
Still unemployed, but no longer friendless, Chuck Shurley got a girlfriend - Dodger!!! Go, Dodger! They are so sweet together. Chuck is all shy and Dodger is all trying to get his attention, awwww. Plus, Dodger has the best purple skirt in this scene. I wonder if the TV Guide will do one of those pieces where they tell you how to get your hands on the clothes and accessories on the show. I want that skirt!
And speaking of Walkers, Karen started dating the Evil Djinn. He is also dating the Evil Krusty the Klown. He's trying to hide it from her, but seriously, why? I think Karen Walker would be into a threesome. AAWT is a progressive enough show for an alcoholic/djinn/clown threesome, right?
Oh, and apparently they paid attention to the outrage on the internet about Adrienne thwarting Castiel's advances, because she was less of a bitch to him this week. Maybe that will work out after all. (Oh, I know, they already had this episode filmed by the time we started that petition to hook those two up, but I like to pretend we made a difference.)
And the police bring home Paul Mulvaney.
Episode Four - Dipping Your Pen
So, now Paul Mulvaney is a young adult too (which is good since he's been dating Jubilee for a while and it was starting to get creepy that she was dating a high school student). Anyway, he got a job at the graveyard, just like Jubilee and now they totally do it in the open graves. I'd be weirded out, if Jubilee wasn't such a hot-ass.
Frannie and identical twins, Charlie and Chandler Mulvaney, are also young adults. Frannie and Chandler are working at the spa (If I were writing this show, there'd be some prostitution ring being run out of this place, and hey, it is AAWT, so maybe there will be.) Charlie is still unemployed. He better get a job before he accidentally knocks up Elle Fanning. They do it, like, all the time.
Also, one of The Twilight's houseguests has gone missing. I guess that doesn't necessarily rule out my "undercover cop" theory, but it seems less likely now.
OH OH OH - Adrienne totally is all over Evil Councilman Mark Pellegrino!! Oh, he had better not bring her to The Mansion. Dodger will smack that bitch down for breaking Castiel's heart. Cas deserves better than her anyway. God, Mark is such a whore! I think he thinks she would make a good trophy wife. She doesn't care, as long as he buys her clothes. God, what did Cas ever see in her?
Scott "Cyclops" Summers and Lee "Apollo" Adama started a romance. It's kind of adorable. But what's with their stupid nicknames? Was this whole town formally in a biker gang or WFF wrestling?
Dawn Summers started a relationship with the town Witch. I know Dawn grew up in a house with Tara and Willow, and so she is more open-minded than most, but this witch is evil. I mean, she spews bodily fluids, Dawn. Oh, alright, I'll try not to be judgmental, even though Which-Witch is like a couple hundred years old and Dawn is like 20. I mean, would it be cool if Dawn dated Angel the Vampire? No, that's cradle-robbing.
Good Councilman Jeffrey Dean Morgan started dating Wesley Wyndham-Pryce. I'm not sure if this is a political move, but I'm not buying it. I can see them working together, but dating, idk. I think they just didn't know what to do with these characters. Which is stupid. They should concentrate JDM on his political battle with Evil Councilman Mark Pellegrino. He's gonna get all distracted by Wesley, and Mark is going to swoop in and do eeeevilll political stuff.
Dean Winchester is making good use of his unemployment. He is totally sleeping with Joyce Summers. Go, Dean! Also, we are totally getting DEAN SEX SCENES - YOU GUYS, OMG!!! They mostly do it at her house, though, cuz Rob just moved in with Sam and Dean, and he and Sam are all in their honeymoon phase. It’s cool of Dean to give them some space and alone time <--very un-dick-ish like for Dean. Okay, Dean is hot, and a douchebag, I kinda of love him. Who’s surprised?
Oh, and fandom is being a little slow to jump on the Jared/Jensen love (though I’ve already found myself another AAWT J2 fan-girl, hi there jojothecr) - but this week will change that. They keep hanging out together. They go everywhere together and Jared is so happy all the time and Jensen can’t stop laughing at everything he says. Then Jensen wants to know why the cute guys he keeps smiling at, don’t smile back? Oh, yeah, Jensen - it’s cuz they all think Jared is your boyfriend! All the time, when watching the other characters, you’ll see the Js out together in the background, like on the boardwalk and the coffee shop and at the Bronze and Jared is always smiling! I squish their faces!
Castiel was pretty heart-broken over Adrienne. But at the very end of the episode, he met Traci Dinwiddie. She’s totally crushing on him. I think it might be just what Castiel needs.
And the police bring home Nicky Mulvaney.
I'm so excited for Dean's MILF action, you guys. I think this J2 thing is going to totally take off the ground. And I kinda want to write some hate-sex JDM/Evil Councilman Mark Pellegrino <--what? He's evil but he ain't ugly.
Now I'm gonna go look for some As All World Turns fan-fiction.