I was suppose to see my counselor today, but she rescheduled for tomorrow as her mother is ill. But I was already up and dressed, so I thought, “Fuck it,” and called PT to see if K could squeeze me in. He couldn’t, but then they wanted to put me with his PTA - whom I like, but I can barely stand the thought of going in there and I need somebody I am more comfortable with. Or like if my anxiety spikes, I could say to K, “You know what…let’s call it a day,” and he wouldn’t make a big deal of it. I didn’t want to explain why I can’t work with someone else right now, so I just said I’d get back to them. They called me back 15 minutes later to say K said he’d stay late on Friday to work with me. Fuck, he can be such a jackass sometimes, but I really love that guy.
Actually, I was meant to go to PT the day after I found out about my dad going there and I called to ask K if I’d be working with him. But I was on Baseball Guy’s schedule, who I like, but whom I’ve never worked with before. So I said, “I have to cancel then,” and K was all, “What, why?” and then I told him a quick version of what was up and that I thought I could make it through the appt if I was working with him and he was all, “Wait, why me?” like an idiot. At the end of the conversation, I said, “Make sure BG knows it’s not him or anything,” and K said, “I’m gonna tell him it’s all because of him,” and I said, “Thanks, asshole,” and he said, “No problem, babe.” Which oddly made me feel better.
Anyways, still haven’t made any plans for a long-term solution there, but am slowly calming down and trying to move on to other things. And also painting. Lots of stress painting.