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18 November 2014 @ 04:33 pm
Next Step Forward.  
Thanks to everyone for your support and advice last week. It made me remember that I am not crazy for freaking out about things like this. I did kind of feel like a drama queen and even though Sis and The BFF were like, “No, this is a terrible thing,” I thought maybe I might seem bent for being all, “No, my dad and I can’t go to the same clinic!” I know there are parents out there that if you said to them, “This is a little weird and uncomfortable for me. That’s the same place I go,” - they would be like, “Oh, that hadn’t even occurred to me, I’ll look into one of their other locations, no problem, honey.” But not my parents.

I was suppose to see my counselor today, but she rescheduled for tomorrow as her mother is ill. But I was already up and dressed, so I thought, “Fuck it,” and called PT to see if K could squeeze me in. He couldn’t, but then they wanted to put me with his PTA - whom I like, but I can barely stand the thought of going in there and I need somebody I am more comfortable with. Or like if my anxiety spikes, I could say to K, “You know what…let’s call it a day,” and he wouldn’t make a big deal of it. I didn’t want to explain why I can’t work with someone else right now, so I just said I’d get back to them. They called me back 15 minutes later to say K said he’d stay late on Friday to work with me. Fuck, he can be such a jackass sometimes, but I really love that guy.

Actually, I was meant to go to PT the day after I found out about my dad going there and I called to ask K if I’d be working with him. But I was on Baseball Guy’s schedule, who I like, but whom I’ve never worked with before. So I said, “I have to cancel then,” and K was all, “What, why?” and then I told him a quick version of what was up and that I thought I could make it through the appt if I was working with him and he was all, “Wait, why me?” like an idiot. At the end of the conversation, I said, “Make sure BG knows it’s not him or anything,” and K said, “I’m gonna tell him it’s all because of him,” and I said, “Thanks, asshole,” and he said, “No problem, babe.” Which oddly made me feel better.

Anyways, still haven’t made any plans for a long-term solution there, but am slowly calming down and trying to move on to other things. And also painting. Lots of stress painting.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on November 18th, 2014 11:49 pm (UTC)
I love you, babe. Do what's best for you. *hugs*
dodger_sister: hugdodger_sister on November 23rd, 2014 08:52 pm (UTC)
Aww, I love you too, bb! I had my first appt back at PT on Friday. I had to remember to breath for the first ten minutes or so, but then it got better. I do wish I didn't have to see Dad on Thanksgiving, just so I had more time to calm down about it all. I know he doesn't mean to be the way he is - (well the giant bigot part he means but not the crazy completely unaware part) - but just because it's not on purpose doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on November 23rd, 2014 09:30 pm (UTC)
Makes perfect sense to me - I'm glad it's mostly working so far, though. Like, SUPER glad!
lizibabes: petelizibabes on November 19th, 2014 01:55 am (UTC)
I'm sorry I didn't see your post before. I would have sent all the hugs. It makes total sense for you not to want your dad at your clinic. PT is hard enough with out that added stress. You are not a drama queen, in fact it sounds like your dealing with a shitty situation really well.
K is an awesome asshole. I hope he looks out for you.

Stress painting sounds like a good way of letting out all your feelings.
If you need to talk quickly just message me on tumblr. and if I don't answer quickly send me an ask, pocking me to look at my messages (Ask sends me an email notification, where as messages I have to check to see if I have any) But yeah, here if you need to chat, or vent, or anything.
dodger_sister: hugdodger_sister on November 23rd, 2014 09:00 pm (UTC)
I told my little brother what was going on with Dad at the PT clinic and he was like, "Why does that bother you? You have some lingering childhood issues." And I was like, "Oh really, what if Mom volunteered at the same soup kitchen as you?" and he was like, "What? That's not even funny! Don't say that." So I guess we all have different issues with different parents in this family.

K is an awesome asshole. I hope he looks out for you.

He is looking out for me. He made them rearrange his schedule so he could keep me on his service instead of handing me off to someone else. He told the receptionist it was for 'consistency in treatment' but it was really to keep me from having a panic attack at PT.

Stress painting sounds like a good way of letting out all your feelings.

It really is - it always calms me down. I literally painted a pictured based off a Samifer poem and the whole thing is just flames and ash and blood swirling together under the dark sky and it felt <>I>great</i> to get it out.

But yeah, here if you need to chat, or vent, or anything.

Thanks, babe! You're the best!
lizibabes: pete and Patricklizibabes on November 23rd, 2014 11:36 pm (UTC)
You think he'd get why you don't want your dad at PT, In your space. Like he wouldn't want your mom in his space. Families can be really tough. My parents and brother are awesome, but the rest? Ugh. No thanks.

Panic attacks are so rough, I hope having K there can stop you having to go through that. It's not like PT is easy as it is, with out adding to it. It's hard on your body, you need all the mental energy you have for that.

That painting sounds really cool, almost apocalyptic

Should be sending your pressie this week. Bit early, but I want to send all my long distance stuff before my surgery, in case it takes a while for me to recover.

Hugs <3
lindahoylandlindahoyland on November 19th, 2014 03:48 am (UTC)
dodger_sister: hugdodger_sister on November 23rd, 2014 09:01 pm (UTC)
/hugs back/ Thanks, darling.
Denidenig37 on November 20th, 2014 05:46 pm (UTC)
You do know what this post does to me, right?

dodger_sister: smirkdodger_sister on November 23rd, 2014 09:14 pm (UTC)
You do know what this post does to me, right? *FANGIRLS SO HARD OVER K!!!*

Not even a little surprised, bb! You are so easy to please. ;)