In one, my BFF was Chad Michael Murray, also a teenager. He helped me get a job at a historical artifacts museum where he worked too. Apparently all of our friends knew we were meant to be, but we were clueless and just thought ourselves BFFs. One night we broke in to the museum with a bunch of our friends to have a little drinking party. While there, some thieves busted in to rob the place and we had to fight them off ala Home Alone. For some reason, I think they had a bear with them. IDEK. But we were in serious danger and they almost killed us and Chad and I were separated and frantically trying to get to each other and then we realized like, “Oh shit, we aren’t just BFFs, we are in love.” So after we got away and were standing outside in the cold night with all our friends, we kept looking shyly at each other, trying to size the other one’s feelings up. Eventually there was kissing and then I took him to the farm to meet my grandma. Yep. My brain wrote self-insert HS AU fanfic about me and Chad Michael Murray.
In the other one I was with Raylan Givens, at night, at a Gas N Sip. We stopped to get food, but when we went inside, we found the store clerk’s dead body. And then another body in the freezer. And Raylan was all, “Got us a serial killer, gotta investigate,” and I was all, “Okay, but I can take some of these Hostess Cupcakes from the shelf, Daddy?” And then my brain thought, “Wait, what? Daddy? Oh no, he’s not my boyfriend, he’s my dad.” Like he had adopted me or something, idek. So he’s all Raylan The Marshal, doing that thing where he stands around crime scenes with his hands on his hips and his hat all tipped low, calling it in on the radio, and I’m standing there next to the dead body stuffing cupcakes in my mouth. And the serial killer is outside lurking in the shadows, unbeknownst to us. Raylan eventually sends me outside to the truck, while we wait on backup. But the serial killer is in the truck already and he puts a knife to my throat. But I’m totally calm and just keep eating cupcakes and say, “Oh man, you are in so much trouble. Do you even know who my dad is? Raylan Givens. And he’s killed men for far less than this.” And then I had to pee and I say, “Damn, I should have gone while I was inside the store,” and the serial killer, real casual like, goes, “Naw, I put a body in there too.” For some reason he decides to just leave me with my cupcakes and then there is a shootout, which obvs Raylan wins, and then we drive away into the night. But then it like flashed to daytime and I was at some race and I said, “Daddy, I don’t want to run this race. I didn’t get any sleep last night and I have PTSD from seeing dead bodies and having a serial killer put a knife to my throat.” And Raylan goes, “Bullshit. You were more concerned with your cupcakes than any serial killer and we came all this way for this race and your team is counting on you, so get out there and do your thing.” Then he tied my shoelace for me and I ran the race and then woke up.
For the record, I never used the word ‘Daddy’ as a kid. Okay. I use that word as an adult but it means something completely different. But I was clearly a teenager in this dream, so…it’s all more messed up than the dead bodies or the serial killer.
Anyways, there is my brain.