November 13th, 2014

teenaged angst and woe

What Did I Ever Do To The Gods?

I shouldn't post when I am having a panic-crisis, but I need to do something to get it out. I just found out that my dad has started physical therapy...at my clinic. I can't breathe. I love my dad, I do, but he weighs 500 pounds and is dirty and smelly and has sores all over him and I can't...I don't want these people to associate how he lives his life with me. I work hard to stay as healthy as I can. It takes a lot of spoons for me to shower and get dressed and put on makeup before I go to PT, but I do it because I try to take pride in myself. And my dad lives in his own filth. He doesn't even care at this point and I just can't...

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/deep breath/. This is not really the issues that are why I am in counseling, but it will be nice to have someone to talk this out with that isn't my sister, who deals with her own issues with my dad. I'm going to watch some Firefly now and eat a shitton of Cheezits and worry about the rest of it tomorrow. Also, reminder to self that once I chill the fuck out, I want to post about how zen I found the aquarium in Chicago and the crazy Ebola-Steve McGarret-Chad Michael Murray dream I had the other night. But not now...now I just breath and try not to think about how good taking like 3 Xanax sounds.