May 13th, 2018

80s movies

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

Today is May 13th!! You know what that means! The Nephew’s birthday! Well, yes. #12 to be exact. It was his 4th birthday the day I started my LJ though. Because, yes, it is my LJ anniversary! #8! And now Dreamwidth too! I came a little late to the game, but I am so glad I still came. Thanks to [personal profile] liptonrm for gifting this to me, setting it up and all, as an early bday present -- she’s the best bday twin a girl could have.

Sometimes I try to imagine, like, what would I be doing with myself if not for fandom? I was a geek/nerd as a kid, but I got older and angrier, and dropped that part of myself somewhere around 16. I was almost ashamed of that side of myself. I thought, for some reason, that you couldn’t be punk and a nerd, but that is SO not true. I can’t imagine where I would be if I hadn’t embraced that side of myself again. And fully. I don’t know if I’d even be here still. I would likely be a very angry person.

When I was in my early 20s, and had to move back in with my mom because of bad life choices and worsening health, I fell into such a depression. If I hadn’t stumbled across fanfic -- and realized that thing I had dabbled in as a kid had a name! -- I don’t know what would have pulled me out of that funk I was in. And years later, I fell out a bit, because of health issue, and then it went from there to drugs. But then I got sober and I got into fandom again -- even accidentally stumbled across some old friends from the mailing list days -- and for the three months I was detoxing, reading fic saved my life. When I couldn’t lay down without screaming pain, but I couldn’t sit up without shaking all over -- fanfic distracted me. I devoured it. And then, I started writing again. Like a miracle, like a new self.

Fandom saved my life.

It also connected me with my sister in a way I can’t even describe. The day she anxiously showed me her fic and confessed she too was in fandom and she had just been anxious to share her stuff with me -- that day cemented us beyond belief. And then, [personal profile] shirebound, coming to Michigan and having lunch with some Michigan fangirls, including my sister, and oh, The BFF. And my sister befriended The BFF, and brought her home, and the rest is a beautiful history that led to The BFF setting up this LJ for me! So many friends I’ve made on here -- some I’ve even had the pleasure of meeting face-to-face; [personal profile] dugindeep, [personal profile] rhymephile, [personal profile] ceitfianna. And now, soon, [profile] wolfrider89, who is coming all the way from Sweden to meet me!! I am so EXCITED! She’s got a conference in DC, but if you know the US map, you know Michigan is not a quick jot over from anywhere. I wasn’t sure how I would get to DC. And then she said, “Nah, I’ll just come to you and then fly out to DC after.” I am so fucking blessed by my friends.

The encouragment you have all given me on my publishing career, to stay sober, to keep finding ways to support and enrich my niblings’ lives, to get through the hard stuff with my health and family issues and yet keep going, to just enjoy my hobby of fanfic and not be ashamed of my geek/nerd side anymore.

I love you guys and I just got all emotional, sitting in my room, half laughing/half crying, because this day always marks a celebration of a part of my life that I know saved my damn ass.

For you, if you will, comment below and I will tell you five things I think of when I think of you. <3

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For You, Mom. Just Because.

Today is a strange day for me. I wish I had gotten to Mom's grave, just to make it feel a little like *something*. But alas, it was too wet to be pushing my chair across the grass of a cemetery - not very accessible places, unfortunately. But in Mom's honor, I did want to post a little something. After I got my IPad - but before I got my IPencil and was still doodling with my finger - I went through a phase of drawing little tree doodles. One night, when I knew my mom had had a rough day, I doodled her a Cherry Blossom tree. She always had an affinity for them. I sent it to her and she said, "What's this for?" and I said, "For you. Just because.

Cherry Blossoms - dodger_sister.jpg
Mom's Cherry Blossoms - dodger_sister

Because that's how Mom taught us to be. It didn’t have to be a special occasion for her to bring you home something or bake you something or offer to help you with something - it just had to be that she was thinking of you. That's all. I joke a lot about the things I learned and inherited from my parents being the *naughty* things, but I know, they gave me a whole lot else. So on this day, I share with you - Mom’s cherry blossom tree.

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