Me: What'd you do today, buddy?
P: I don't know.
Me: Your dad said your friend Dylan was coming over.
P: Oh yeah.
Me: Did you and Dylan do anything fun?
P: We played with my toys. And we did a game where we hide from people.
Me: That sounds good.
We eat for a minute and then somehow puppies get a mention and suddenly The Nephew is off...
P: Hey, did you know my dog, Zoom Zoom died?
(Zoom Zoom is an imaginary dog that he has had for a year and half and talks about him all the time.)
Me: Oh that's so sad. I'm sorry.
P: No, no, it was yesterday. Today he's a ghost. I took him to the zombie bookstore. We read a book about zombies and they fought aliens but they had to use a special Harry Potter weapon cuz the aliens had robots. Do you think Robots helped build the Deathstar?
Me: I think robots absolutely helped build the Deathstar.
P: The day before yesterday, Zoom Zoom got almost killed by a zombie but then he scratched the zombie's eye out and then the zombie turned into a bat and he flew away. I have a horse now too.
Me: What's your horse's name?
P: Superfly. I have two horses actually. The other one is named Magic Shooter Lego Zombie Stormtrooper.
It's like talking to a fan-boy on speed, I swear. This kid is the coolest. It's clearly all the influence of his two awesome cool aunts (okay and maybe his mom) cuz my brother still thinks Michael Bay and James Cameron are true Gods or whatever bullshit.
Then later, while we were playing Legos, The Nephew abruptly asks, "When will you be done growing up?"
I'm thinking he means in regards to the fact that I am only five foot tall. So I answer with, "I'm all done growing up, buddy."
P: If you're all done being growing up, then how come you can still play talking cars with me?
(Talking cars is a game where we take matchbox cars and drive them around and make them talk at each and go on adventures together.)
Me: Grown ups can play toys too. Talking cars is awesome fun.
I've heard from P's dad that I ruined his son because instead of wanting to race his toy cars now, he just wants to make them talk at each other.
Me: Well, that's how it's fun, dude.
My brother: No, I don't play like that.
So, as is evidenced, I am clearly the coolest aunt and his father needs Super-Nanny to teach him that it's okay to look like an idiot in front of your kids.
In sum: The Nephew is the coolest kid ever. Also, whenever we watch Scooby-Doo, I start thinking about writing a gritty, rough fic where the Scooby peeps are actual hardcore hunters. Definitely rated R. Maybe even rated NC-17.