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10 January 2011 @ 02:59 am
Serious But Happy Post #2  

The last time I made a post titled as such, was in July. It was my six months drug-free.

Today, January the tenth 2011, it is my year.

I seriously don't know how I made it this far.

Even better, I can say that I no longer have any secret stashes hidden around the house.

I was working towards the goal of having my knee surgery - which didn't happen and may never happen - but I still feel a million times better than I did physically a year ago. It wasn't for nothing.

Still, mentally, I know why I let it go on for so long. It is so much easier to live in a haze, than deal with what it turns out is some anxiety and trouble sleeping. I can't tell if it was this bad before the drugs got out of control, or if I have just lost the ability to deal with these issues after years of covering them up with pills.

A few months ago I did have to start taking Melatonin at night, because I wasn't sleeping and would literally be shaking in bed, unable to unclench my jaw. I was extremely reluctant to take it, even though it is all-natural, but it was the only thing my doctor felt safe suggesting.

In the end, I know I wasn't the best person when I was strung out and stoned all the time. I wasn't running around stealing people's TVs to support my habit or anything, but I was adding more stress to the shoulders of people who were just trying to help me; a few family members and some fantastic friends.

Most of the time, that was The BFF and The Sister. They were both going through some rough times and I wasn't really there for them the way I should have been. I can never be sorry enough for that. I don't know if there is anything I can do to help with the loads they are both currently carrying, but I can at least try to not add any extra stress to their lives now.

Sometimes I still think slipping back into the oblivion would be an easier way to live - but then I think about the things I have gained and try to focus on those things. One of which, for you my LJ friends, is fic writing. I wrote as many words in 2010, as I wrote in the entirety of the last five years before I got off the pills. So word to that. :)

Now I have to go to bed, so that I can get up this afternoon, when The BFF is taking me to get my VERY FIRST TATTOO! Then The Sister is buying us Olive Garden to celebrate.

Wait until the tat heals, you guys, and I will post pictures. I cannot thank tringic enough for cleaning up my design for me. It looks amazing and is just what I pictured!

Real Life post is over now.

I'll be back later this week with Fic! Yes, I will.
wolfrider89: tattoowolfrider89 on January 10th, 2011 12:35 pm (UTC)
I'm so happy for you on the year off drugs!

And tattoo! Weeee! I'm excited, and I'm halfway around the world, by a computer. :P I hope everything turns out exactly like you want it! I'm cheering for you!
dodger_sister: hugdodger_sister on January 13th, 2011 05:34 am (UTC)
Thank you! It was a weird day - I think the tattoo was way too much excitement, lol.

So when does is flaking and peeling around the tat that Annie keeps talking about gonna happen - because /knock on virtual wood/ it hasn't happened yet. :)
wolfrider89: BB deadlineswolfrider89 on January 13th, 2011 09:19 pm (UTC)
Hmm, that's a good question. I think it took at least a week for mine to start with the itching, but it didn't really peel all that much. I guess it depends on where it's located and how fast you heal. :)
Ironlily - Making My Marque: elephantflyingvikingprincess on January 10th, 2011 01:09 pm (UTC)
COngratulations, sweetie - that is HUGE and you should be so proud of yourself.

I can hardly wait to see the tattoo!
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2011 05:37 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)

Dammit, I forgot again to get my sister to email me the photo of the tattoo that she took with her camera. Crap, she's asleep already.

Your elephant icon will never stop amusing me.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on January 13th, 2011 03:28 pm (UTC)
So, get a photo sometime after you read this instead. :)

That elephant icon makes me happy all over.
afra_schatzafra_schatz on January 10th, 2011 01:30 pm (UTC)
Oooh, all excited about the tattoo for you! Mostly because it reminds me that I NEED to make a date to get mine as well :).

Also *hugs*
dodger_sister: hugdodger_sister on January 13th, 2011 05:38 am (UTC)
Have you ever had a tattoo before? Where do you plan on getting yours on your body? I think I picked a really good spot, on my outer bicep/shoulder area - it barely even hurt.

/hugs back/
afra_schatzafra_schatz on January 13th, 2011 05:46 am (UTC)
No, I haven't :). My sis recently got her first which reminded me that I need to get on that *g*. - I'm not entirely sure about the location yet, I'm thinking about my left side because I think what I have in mind might look good there (it's just a rather long word) but I'll see what the professionals say. Oooh, will we get to see pics of yours soon :)?
dodger_sister: celebratedodger_sister on January 13th, 2011 06:40 am (UTC)
I keep forgetting to have my sister send me the photo she took with her phone. But there will be pics sometime soon.

My suggestion, when you get yours, have them put the stencil on (or whatever they call it when they put the design on before they start inking) - look at it in the mirror and make sure it is exactly how you want it, right size and place. Mine looks good, but I think it might be a tad bit too big for my tiny arm. Maybe it's just the shock that every time I look over, I'm like, "HOLY SHIT! I HAVE A TATTOO!"

How many tats does Sean Bean have? (oh, dude, I know you know the answer to this!)
afra_schatz: Sean esSEX boyafra_schatz on January 13th, 2011 02:44 pm (UTC)
OOh, yay, pics!

I made my appointment today :). Thanks for the advice!

Well, I'm sure that he has at least 2, the 100% Blades one on his shoulder and the fellowship tat but I'm not sure whether he has got anything else...

hiyacynth: BoB: Lip: Yeah boy!hiyacynth on January 10th, 2011 01:42 pm (UTC)
I was thinking about you last night, realizing that today was your one-year clean date. Congratulations, my friend. Having gotten to know and love you during your hazy times and seeing hte difference you've made to yourself in the last year, I can say that the transformation is truly amazing. The things we love about you are only magnified by being pure YOU rather than you masked over.

I know you're not a big fan, but I can tell you from years--literally, coming up on 16 this spring--that the single best cure I've found for anxiety and related insomnia is regular counseling. Your choice, obviously.

So much love to you!
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2011 06:11 am (UTC)
Wow. I didn't realize that anyone else was paying attention to the dates. :) Of course, you know this means you have been married for almost a year now.

I know the last few years there, I was pretty much stoned every time you came to visit and probably talking inappropriately about Spike or something (okay, there is no way to talk about Spike except inappropriately, but still...) I hope I wasn't ever too offensive or obnoxious. I can't believe the first time you met me was way back when I was living with my mom - and I know that of all the places I have been in my life since I met you - that this place is the best.

I am in favor of counseling in general - and I am so happy it has helped you so much - but personally, it means talking to a stranger - which is anxiety causing in and of itself.

I was just sitting here trying to figure out why it wasn't so bad earlier this year, as it seems to be right now - and I realized I was going to physical therapy earlier this year. I think the combination of the physical exertion and just getting out of the house a few times a week helped a lot. Thankfully I'll be heading back in a week or so.

Love you (and Marc and Munchy P!)

Menel: Ewan 1menel on January 10th, 2011 02:10 pm (UTC)
You know how very proud I am of you for turning your life around, right? How completely in awe I am of how far you've come? And here's my other really selfish reason . . . if you hadn't done this and discovered LJ land as a pretty, shiny distraction for other things, you may have never found me again. And honestly? My life is better for having you in it.

So, CONGRATULATIONS for making your one-year clean date!

/end sap

In other news . . . a tattoo! Exciting stuff! Where are you having it done? (That was totally not meant to sound kinky in any way. *g*)
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2011 06:34 am (UTC)
Finding you was a definite upside to being drug-free. I can't believe there was a time when I had so little motivation that I let such a great friendship like yours disappear on me.

I won't let that happen again.

And one more sappy note - I came home from getting my tattoo, grabbed the mail and there was a Christmas card from you in the box! I maybe read it like 5 times and now it is sittig on my dresser. Also, kittens are sappy and cheese-tastic, but I do have three cats, so I think it's okay.

Tattoos are kinky, or sexy, or something. I hope so anyway...because I got one! On my arm, on the shoulder/bicep area, on the side. You'll like this - nerd that you are - it's an ankh with a sun symbol inside it, to symbolize rebirth. My only complaint is that it looks a lot larger on my arm than it did on the page. Like my arm is even tinier than I realized, and I know how freaking tiny I am. I might have gone a little bit smaller. I should have been paying attention when he put the stencil on, but I was so nervous that it would hurt, I was trying not to look. lol But it looks good, it's all colored in black and the design is my own (someone cleaned it up for me so the lines were proportional but she did it from my sketches, so I can tell people that I designed it, which is cool).

Shall we hug or belly-bump today?
Menel: Glee - Puck (Rainbow)menel on January 20th, 2011 01:51 am (UTC)
Yay! My card arrived! Y'know, the Philippine postal system, which I normally have so little faith in, has been quite awesome this past holiday season. Nothing's been lost (so far!) and stuff's arriving quicker than usual. *g*

And yes, kittens are cheese-tastic, especially the damn kitten on that card (it's the only cat-themed card that I sent out this time), but since you're going to be the crazy, old lady that lives and waxes poetical about her cats, I figured it would be okay. *g*

Also, my new credit card billing cycle started this past week (and I'm in the black, totally free of Christmas debt, which is just damn amazing!) so I'm going to be able to place an order for your super-belated Christmas/New Year's gift this weekend. Finally! I wish I could take credit for the designs but that all goes to e0wyn, who is a rather awesome graphics artist. At least I can say that the text is all mine.

I'm excited to see pictures of your tatt! Tattoos are out of my range, unfortunately. I'm also afraid that they'll hurt too much and I'm a wimp. Truly. :-(

Shall we hug or belly-bump today?

Neither! Too much sentimentality to start off the New Year. It's back to the good ole fist bump!

/fist bump/
ranua: just over the horizonranua on January 11th, 2011 01:37 am (UTC)
Having lost a good friend to prescription drug abuse several years ago, all I can say is thank all the little gods you were able to turn your life away from that path. Congratulations dear, it is fantastic beyond words.

And woohoo! tattoo! can't wait to see the pics
dodger_sister: hugdodger_sister on January 13th, 2011 05:54 am (UTC)
Thank you for sharing that with me. I know when most people hear "drug problem", they automatically think cocaine or something, but that is not always the case. Just because something is prescribed, doesn't mean you can't abuse it. I tended to think that way, even while I was abusing it. And frankly, I wasn't really living my life...so even though this is harder, it is also better.

Most days anyway.

flawed_x_designflawed_x_design on January 11th, 2011 06:51 am (UTC)
Obviously, I haven't know you very long, so I proabably don't have a place to say anything, but what I do know is that that an achievement like that takes a LOT. So congratualations hun, I'm so so happy for you &hearts

Also, excited to see pics of the tattoo :D
dodger_sister: happydodger_sister on January 13th, 2011 05:43 am (UTC)
Thank you. I would never say that it isn't your place to comment on this - livejournal/fandom is a community that you and I are both a part of, and that is why I made this post here - because this community has helped me through this past year - including having people comment on my fics and then liking them so much that they friend me and then tell me crazy stories like that they don't get snow where she lives.

Oh wait, that was you. lol

Seriously though, thank you. :)