dodger_sister (dodger_sister) wrote,
dodger_sister
dodger_sister

Fic: Illegal, Immoral and Incestuous - R, Humor, Chin/Kono, Danny/Steve

My first H5O fic - and it's Chin/Kono. I'm kind of shocked by that. While looking up the varying degrees of cousins, I found this word - "cousinship" - in a genealogy essay. I think H5O fandom should adopt that term in regards to Chin/Kono, don't you? It sounds very fandom-y.

queenklu, this one is for you, bb. It's Humor, but it has some sexy times in it, including mild voyeurism & exhibitionism, yes, yes. Also incest, but not really. Rated R for said sexy times. And with a little Danny/Steve thrown in for good measure. - Summary: Danny knows they are cousins, so he can’t figure out why Chin has his hand up Kono’s shirt. 1,086 words.


Title: Illegal, Immoral and Incestuous
Author: The Artful Dodger / dodger_sister
Fandom: Hawaii Five-O
Category: Humor
Characters/Pairing: Chin/Kono & Danny/Steve
Rating: R
Warnings: Adult Language, Sexual Situations, some mild Voyeurism & Exhibitionism, Incest but not really.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Danny knows they are cousins, so he can’t figure out why Chin has his hand up Kono’s shirt.
Word Count: 1,086 words
Date Written: 01/11/2010
Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 belongs to Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci and CBS. Scott Caan belongs to me. No? Fine. I wrote this story and it makes me no money.
Feedback: Bring it. dodger_sister / TheArtofDodger@comcast.net
Beta’d: Nope.
Author's Notes: So, apparently, I am very good at writing all official and shit, and sounding like I came straight from my day job at Wikipedia. Which I don’t have. In short, my sarcastic humor convinced some people that there was a legal and moral way for Chin and Kono to be naked together. Which wasn’t true. Except, there is a way for them to be naked together - because the word “cousins” can encompass a wide range of the varying degrees of “cousinship” - <--that’s not a fandom word, I found it in a genealogy essay. Anyway, they aren’t naked in this, but still, look - I wrote Chin/Kono. Woo-hoo!
Dedication (or Apology): To queenklu - I know you wanted to believe it so bad, bb. But it’s okay, because there is a way the show could totally make this happen. Then we can have office orgies on the show. Yes, we can.




When Danny arrived at the office, the first thing he saw was Chin and Kono in the parking lot. Kono was sitting backwards on the seat of Chin’s motorcycle and Chin was facing her, leaning over, right in her space, their noses…

Wait. Their noses brushing together?

That was kind of weird.

Had to be an island thing.

“Uh…hey. Morning,” Danny said and hurried past them.

“Morning!” Kono called cheerfully after him.

Once he made it inside the office, Danny immediately dumped all his files on his desk and went to pour some coffee.

It had been a whole fifteen minutes since he’d had any, after all.

Behind him, he heard the cousins enter the building, Chin chuckling at something. Danny paid them no mind, until he turned around and saw Kono, bent over her own desk, sorting through the mail.

Chin was leaning over her back, kissing a strip of exposed skin on her neck.

Okay, that was totally weird, right?

“Um,” Danny said.

Chin looked up to meet his eyes and then promptly bit down on Kono’s neck.

If Danny didn’t know better, he’d swear the girl had thrust back into Chin’s crotch while her eyes sort of rolled up into her head.

He definitely didn’t miss the moan that fell from Chin’s lips though.

This was a very strange day and Danny had only been up for an hour and a half.

“Um,” he said again. It seemed to be the word of the day.

“Yes,” Chin said, while licking the abused skin on Kono’s neck. “We would love some coffee, thanks, Danny.”

Mostly because he tended to work on autopilot in the mornings, Danny went ahead and poured them each a cup of coffee.

He was slightly reluctant to take it over to them though, especially since Kono was now sitting on her desk, Chin standing between her legs and stroking up the inside of her thighs.

In the end, he set the coffee cups down on Chin’s desk and ran over to his own corner of the room.

“Thanks,” Kono said and honestly, it was instinct that had Danny looking up to say your welcome.

Not that he managed to, since all the words sort of got caught in his throat.

Chin was sitting in the desk chair and had pulled Kono onto his lap. She was giggling softly while Chin was trailing a finger up and down her side, letting it slip under her shirt, his hand moving ever closer to her breasts.

And Kono was staring right at Danny, her eyes locked onto his, not even blinking, though there was an evident flush in her cheeks.

Danny’s coffee was really way too hot, which he discovered when he swallowed an incredibly large mouthful on accident.

And then choked and wheezed until Chin asked, “Alright there, brah?”

Danny nodded, got up and ran as fast as he could into Steve’s office.

“Good morning,” Steve said and let his eyes slowly rake over Danny’s body.

Danny took that time to get the coffee-burn-numbness out of his tongue.

“Can I work in your office today?” Danny asked him quietly.

“Miss me?” Steve teased.

“No. I mean, yes, of course,” Danny sputtered. “But mostly, Chin and Kono are being weird right now,” and he sort of half whispered and half hissed it at his boss.

“What’s new?” Steve said and shrugged. “Sure, you can work in here.”

Danny nodded and then realized he had left his case files on his desk.

In the other room.

With the weirdly intimate cousins.

“Shit,” he mumbled and decided to make a quick break for it.

But when he stepped into the outer office, his brain promptly fell out of his ears.

“What the fuck?!” Danny screamed and nearly fell backwards in his shock.

Kono was still sitting on Chin’s lap, his chest pressed firmly against her back, both his hands fully up inside her shirt fondling her breasts, while Kono rubbed her ass against his crotch and…

“That is…that is…that is…”

“Weird?” Steve supplied from behind Danny.

“Messed the hell up! That’s what that is!” Danny hollered and waved a finger at them and then at the room in general.

“I admit it’s slightly inappropriate for work,” Steve said casually, from where he was leaning in the doorway to his office.

“It’s inappropriate for work?!” Danny hollered some more and turned on the other man. “It’s inappropriate for the world!”

“Kind of hot though,” Steve said and shrugged one shoulder.

“That’s…no!”

“Why not?”

“Because they are COUSINS!” Danny screamed, his eyes wide, face red.

“Yeah,” Steve said, “like third cousins once removed or something. Hey Kono,” he called across the room.

“Yo, boss!”

“How are you guys related again?”

“Cousins,” she said and pushed Chin’s hands away from the inside of her shirt, though she stayed sitting on his lap.

Specifically. Before Danno has a coronary.”

“Our grandparents were second cousins.”

“You didn’t know that?” Chin said and Danny tried to ignore the hint of rough arousal in his voice.

Instead he just shook his head and looked down at his shoes.

“Feel better?” Steve asked, coming up behind Danny and whispering softly in his ear.

“Feel stupid,” Danny whispered back.

“You know, boss,” Kono said and she sounded far too chipper for how early it was or how weird the day had been so far, at least in Danny’s opinion. “This plan isn’t really gonna work, if the guy thinks we are being illegal and immoral.”

“Not to mention incestuous,” Chin added helpfully.

“Well, I didn’t know!” Danny said defensively. “I thought you were…wait, what plan?”

Kono shrugged. “Steve said you were a bit of a voyeur.”

“He what now?!” Danny cried and turned around to point a finger at the man behind him. “Why would you tell them that?”

“Because it’s true?” Steve didn’t really sound the least bit apologetic.

Danny turned around to point at the two cousins, whatever. “It is not,” he said.

“You sure?” Chin asked and slid a hand up inside Kono’s shirt again.

Danny narrowed his eyes. “I am not a voyeur. Steve is wrong.” Then he sort of half smirked/half glared and added, “I’m an exhibitionist.”

The only thing left to do was grab a hold of Steve’s shoulder, roughly push the man down to his knees and pop the button on Danny’s own finely pressed slacks.

Which he promptly did.

And okay, it had been a rough start to the morning, but it was quickly getting better.


The End
Tags: character - chin ho kelly, character - danny williams, character - kono kalakaua, character - steve mcgarrett, fandom - hawaii five-o, fic - humor, fiction - mine, kink - exhibitionism, pair - chin/kono, pair - steve/danny, rating - r, word count - 1001 to 3000, written - 2011
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