dodger_sister (dodger_sister) wrote,
dodger_sister
dodger_sister

Fic: Hookers and Blow - PG-13, Dean/Cas & Sam, AU, Crack, Humor

So, after The BFF handed in her last law school paper, she called me and said, "Hookers and blow from here on out!" It became a running gag for us for about two weeks - we ended all our calls with, "Got to go. Time for hookers and blow." - "Want to come down on Friday? It's hookers and blow night." Etc. Because we find ourselves amusing.

Anyway, my sister left me unattended for an hour while she got ready for The BFF's celebratory dinner and - well, leave me unattended for an hour and this is what you get.

For those of you waiting for another epic awesome Dean/Cas fic like my last one...sorry to say, this isn't it. Instead you get Crack. (Crack I am rather proud of, but Crack nonetheless).

Or as I call it - Ridiculous!Dean. PG-13 for ridiculous!Dean and mentions of hookers and blow. AU, Crack, Humor - Dean/Castiel (kind of) and Sam/Castiel (not really). 584 words for my girl, liptonrm


Title: Hookers and Blow (or W.M.L.)
Author: The Artful Dodger / dodger_sister
Fandom: Supernatural
Category: AU, Crack, Humor
Characters/Pairing: Dean, Castiel & Sam with Dean/Castiel (kind of) & Sam/Castiel (not really)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Ridiculous!Dean and obviously mentions of hookers and blow.
Spoilers: None, it’s Crack AU.
Summary: Sam was joking when he said he wanted hookers and blow. And yet, there is a hooker sitting on his couch.
Word Count: 584 words
Date Written: 01/22/2010
Disclaimer: “Supernatural” is Eric Kripke’s and The CW Network’s. I don’t even want to know what they would think of this. I wrote this fic, makes me no money, good thing liptonrm will be a rich lawyer someday and buy me shoes.
Feedback: Bring it. dodger_sister / TheArtofDodger@comcast.net
Beta’d: Nope.
Author's Notes: So, when my best friend in the whole wide world, liptonrm, finished her last class of law school EVER, she may have said something like - “Hookers and blow from here on out!” It kind of became a running joke with us for about a week or two. Then today, I was in the bathroom, getting dressed for her graduation day dinner and I started thinking about the hookers-and-blow comment. Following which I had like an hour to kill while my sister showered and got ready for the celebratory dinner and well…leave me unattended for a hour, this is what you get.
Dedication (or Apology): liptonrm, I don’t know what the hell this story is, but I find myself amusing. On another note - I AM SO FRICKING PROUD OF YOU AND LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH AND YOU SERIOUSLY DESERVE ALL THE HOOKERS AND BLOW EVER!!! /big giant hugs/




One week after Sam’s law school graduation, he came into the living and found a strange man sitting there.

“Hey,” Sam said to the man.

The man - untamed, slightly spikey, dark hair and big blue eyes - looked up at Sam and nodded. “Hello there,” he said.

“Is my brother…”

But then Dean came tearing into the living room and stopped just short of running into Sam’s broad chest.

“Hey, Sammy, got you some presents for graduation,” he said with a big stupid grin.

“Graduation was last week and you already got me a new laptop, which I told you not to, so…”

Dean was sort of bouncing on his toes and smiling gleefully and Sam just stopped talking because he knew for a fact that Dean wasn’t even listening to him anyway.

“But these presents are better.”

Sam looked around the living room to see if there was a stack of gifts somewhere, but all he saw was the stranger on the couch.

“So, you got me a dude for my graduation?” Sam asked and gestured at the man.

“Hookers and blow,” Dean said matter-of-factly.

“Say what now?”

“Last week, after graduation, I hugged you and said some chick shit about being proud of you and you said some chick shit and then you said, ‘hookers and blow from here on out’ and waved your arms in the air.”

Dean was smiling up at Sam, clearly waiting to be told how awesome he was.

“Wait…did you get me cocaine?”

“Uh…no? Because that would be wrong and illegal?”

“Dean!”

“So you don’t want the blow?”

No, Dean, I don’t want the blow.”

“Bummer. Me neither.” Dean pointed over at the man on the couch. “Hooker, do you want the blow?”

The man made a strange facial expression that Sam could not quite read and said simply, “I do not.”

“I’m pretty sure his name isn’t Hooker, Dean.”

His brother just shrugged. “Yeah, but I can’t pronounce his name. It’s like Cassomething, something, whatever.”

“Castiel,” the man said gruffly.

“Hi, I’m Sam, sorry about my brother,” and Sam sort of half-waved at the man.

Dean just glared up at him.

“You don’t appreciate the things I do for you, Sammy.”

“You got me a hooker.”

“What’s the problem? You don’t want a dude-hooker?”

“I don’t want a hooker-hooker, Dean.” Then Sam turned to the man and smiled apologetically. “No offense.”

“Why would I be offended?” the man asked and he sounded like he actually didn’t know the answer.

Dean shrugged. “Fine, I’ll take the hooker then. Hooker,” Dean said and pointed at the man. “Cas-whatever,” he added after glancing at Sam’s scowling face, “go wait in my room. And remove thy clothes.”

Remove thy clothes?” Sam said with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s fancy speak for get naked,” Dean told him. “I’m gonna go flush the cocaine.”

Dean ran out of the room in a rather giddy fashion and the hooker, Castiel, slowly stood up from the couch, looking rather dejected.

“Are you sure you don’t wish to engage my services?” he asked Sam hopefully.

“Sorry, buddy, not really my scene.”

Castiel just sort of hung his head and muttered, “Woe my life.”

Sam awkwardly patted the man’s shoulder. “I think the phrase you are looking for is F.M.L.

“Hooker!” Dean hollered from the bedroom.

“Indeed,” Castiel said and headed towards the back of the house.

Sam went to see if there was any leftover pizza and then turned the TV up really, really loud.


The End
Tags: character - castiel the angel, character - dean winchester, character - sam winchester, fandom - supernatural, fic - alternate universe, fic - crack, fic - humor, fiction - mine, pair - dean/castiel, rating - pg-13, the bff is my bestest best friend, word count - 501 to 1000, written - 2011
Subscribe

  • 10 Years - Double Digits!

    *a wee late because the darn thing wouldn’t crosspost from Dreamwidth, but yes May 13, 2020: It is my Livejournal ten-year anniversary. Ten years!…

  • Cruise, Day Two.

    March 1, 2020...Day 2: Day 2 started out perfect, even though it was super early in the morning, because I woke up sailing through the middle of the…

  • Cruise, Day One.

    I have been home one week, and I took notes everyday, so gonna try to stick with posting one of these for every day of the cruise. We will see if I…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic
  • 29 comments

  • 10 Years - Double Digits!

    *a wee late because the darn thing wouldn’t crosspost from Dreamwidth, but yes May 13, 2020: It is my Livejournal ten-year anniversary. Ten years!…

  • Cruise, Day Two.

    March 1, 2020...Day 2: Day 2 started out perfect, even though it was super early in the morning, because I woke up sailing through the middle of the…

  • Cruise, Day One.

    I have been home one week, and I took notes everyday, so gonna try to stick with posting one of these for every day of the cruise. We will see if I…