dodger_sister (dodger_sister) wrote,

Fangirls are Love! and a Letter to The Cousin...

So, oselle made a post a little while ago about Fandom. It was about how, during the season, she bitches a lot about Show but then as soon as it is summer hiatus, she's all nostalgic and stuff. (Much like a relationship, in the thick we can get annoyed by every little thing, but then the person goes away for a bit and suddenly all we remember are the good things.) Then she talks about all the great things that have come out of having a Fandom, that go beyond just watching the show for an hour every week. There was some talk about her days in Lord of the Rings (which is where she and I met).

It was well-spoken and beautiful and inspiring. You can read it here. baylorsr made a list of her favorite Supernatural moments that she shared with oselle in the comment section. I thought how lucky I am to have been there for even a few of the things she listed, because let's face it, the world is bright and shiny when those two get together, and I bitch at them about their ridiculousness sometimes, but I love it.

Anyway, it inspired me to write a letter to The Cousin. She's fifteen and just discovered Supernatural and Fandom at large. I was thinking back on all the good things I got from Lord of the Rings (which was my first real fandom, the first time I had the internet and realized there was name for those stories I was writing in my notebooks all my life). Mostly I got my favorite girls in the world from Fandom, but I got so much more than that. Honestly, I am a different person. I have confidence and a voice that I never had before these people came into my life. Even through the internet, I have found a way to express myself that I so desperately needed. I can't ever tell my girls exactly how much better my life is because of them. It just is.

And I want all of those things for The Cousin. I hope someday, when she's moved onto to her third or fourth fandom, she can look back on Supernatural days and feel this way too.

I hope that someday, you can look back and be all nostalgic about your first fandom - Supernatural. I hope you have all of these fantastic memories and experiences and friendships that come from all the things outside of just watching the show on Thursday nights. Because loving a show can go so far beyond just sitting in front of a television or occasionally standing around a watercooler discussing the episode. I can count my friends on one hand and I met three of them through online Lord of the Rings things. That then blended into meeting up in real life, and I'm so glad it did.

I could not live without these girls in my life. At all.

And then, Supernatural gave me you. Now we have this solid, real friendship, beyond just family, and beyond just Supernatural, and we owe that to the show. To that one weekend I hounded you until you came in and we watched half of first season and then talked about music for three hours and I realized you were the coolest teenager I had ever met.

Fandom can give you so much. Even the things I did with Mary were about Fandom - the first time we hung out ever, we marathoned Friends. When the finale came along for the show, a bunch of us girls all went to watch it with her (she was pregnant with "W" and very emotional and needed Kleenex). It was her show and she wa so happy to have someone to share it with. The best time of my entire life was spent with Mary at Supernatural Convention 2008. We did the Harry Potter book release party at the mall together and I had so much fun. I never would have gone to a party at the mall but Harry Potter was Mary's fandom and she wanted to go so badly, and it turned out to be awesome.

Even Danny's wife, she has such a different kind of life than I do - married, kid, her job - but we introduced her to Supernatural and when I gave her Mary's ticket for convention last year, it was the best thing I ever did. Now we are friends in a way that we never were before that trip and has led us to actually know each other beyond just 'she's maried to my brother'.

Recently, I was looking through the newest Supernatural stories and there were some names I recognized. I went and looked and sure enough, two of my old Lord of the Rings friends and a West Wing friend from back in the day, (Eight years ago? Ten?), when those were my fandoms. One of them, I used to talk to nearly every day, before I got sick a few years back and gave up the internet. And I had just been talking about some stories she wrote and how I lost them when my computer crashed and look, she's in Supernatural now (of course she is, she's smart and awesome), and it is so great to find these old friends.

Who knows, maybe there will be some online friends you make or meet at convention this year. Maybe you'll make friendships through Fandom like I did with the girls. Whole new wonderful friendships can form and the little things can really change your life.

Supernatural is a really great show. It really is. But if people give you shit for loving something that much, for it being such a big part of your life, don't sweat it. Because what they don't understand is how everything in life is connected to everything else and Fandom has a place in that too.

I love you and I'm so glad that Supernatural brought us together.

And all of that talk, inspired me to tell my girls how much I love them.

I wax on under the cuts.

- For oselle - thank god for you and baylorsr. I am so grateful that she brought me to you all those years ago. Back when we started out in LotR and then moved onto The Faculty. And that led us to probably one of the best vacations I've ever had, better even than the week I spent on a houseboat in Kentucky. Okay, there was that whole Evil Dead fiasco, but I really have no one to blame for that but myself. What did I think would happen when mixing The Evil Dead and a Box O' Wine with you and Baylor, really? And rememebr when I convinced you that Kenny the Caretaker was really a ghost? And that whole "Yaya Zekehood of the Traveling Vodka" incident at our old apartment? You probably don't remember that as you ended up passed out, but trust me, it was hysterical. I made a mix out of it. And still, to this day, Baylor just randomly says "4-9-4" and somehow, it conveys everything she is trying to say. And that's on you. Oh yeah, and the lovely pictures of you and Baylor and The Niece where she is chewing on the naked paratrooper. I love that picture. And honestly, sweetie, I love you.

- For hiyacynth - how long ago was it that Baylor said, "So my friend on my flist is going to the LotR concert and I think we should join her.", and I said "Okay. What the hell is a flist?". Oh, the night of Barbie's World of Middle-Earth Sluts. I had read so many of your BoB stories online and one day I said to Baylor, "So, you should read these fics. They're the reason I fell head first into BoB, even though I tried to resist." And she said, "You're an idiot. That's *yourname*." We'd been friends for like months already and I was like "Huh? Crap. Really? That makes sense." Remember the weekend of the underwear? You were like, "What are you doing over there? Writing a book on the damn things?" And the drunken repetition of Lake Homo-Erotica (sorry it all ended with a dislocated shoulder for you, but still the best weekend ever.) And you gave me The O.C. - yeah, I know, I pointed at you and laughed because you were crying over the O.C. But then I too watched the S1 finale and had to call you and incoherently sob and apologize and call you stupid. Who would have thought, all those years ago when we sat in that motel room playing your awesome game, that I would someday be watching you get married and crying like a little girl. Because I love you so.

- For liptonrm - there are not enough words, you are my sister. Now and forever. Seriously, my aunt was shocked the other day when she heard how we met and when we met and I said, "Why? What did you think?" And she said, "I don't know. I just thought she was always here." The late night crying over Return of the King. The day we called you and said "Come over, it's time for Lost," and then looked out the window and you were walking across the courtyard in your pjs and barefeet. (oh, god, remember when Charlie got hung from the tree and we collasped in screaming hysterics?) The clutching during the original Narnia (because none of the other people who were with us had any idea the magnitude of what they were seeing, all of our childhood dreams and desires right in front of us, how could all of those people in my life be so oblivious and yet you completely understood.) When I freaked out in the movie theater because I saw Adam Baldwin in the Serenity trailer (and can you believe I didn't know what Firefly was?) And you waited for me to sit back down and then promised you would bring me Jayne Cobb (and I was like "who?" and you said "hot military guy from Independence Day" because you know my secret codes for everything.) And of course, a year watching Supernatural by yourself (I am so sorry you had to do S1 finale alone) until you finally just started screaming at me, until I sat down and let you put it on. 12 straight episodes and 3am before I finally let you turn it off. And then what - six hours of sleep? - and I was up and demanding more. Did I know that one day, years later, I would have a conversation with Jared Padalecki about cage dancing Sims? No. Do I owe it all to you? Yes. I know there will be a day when I accidently marry Chad Michael Murray in Vegas. But you will still be the one that I take to The Farm for family holidays. (and not just because it is very hard to get Chad to put pants on). But because you are my family. It is your farm too. They are your grandparents too. And apparently, they all think you have just always been here anyway. I love you more than words.

- For baylorsr - do you remember all those years ago when you shared your very first fandom with me? 21 Jumpstreet. And here we are, netflixing S4 all these years later. You never got mad when I would occasionaly stray from my two boyfriends, Harry and Doug (and yes, even at the age of 11, I needed two boyfriends for myself - hear that Ash and Andy? It's not because you aren't enough of a man for me, it's just because I'm greedy and high maintenance), and I'd wander over to Tom Hanson land. You didn't mock me when I said I wanted to watch the Booker spin-off, because, come on, Richard Grieco, I won't be ashamed of that. Calling me from college, after an episode of The X-Files, sometimes drunkenly, and babbling incoherently about Mulder and Scully and Krycek. For never blinking when I, at the age of like 14, announced that Skinner was mine and I claimed him (because, come on, you had to know even back then). For literally forcing me to read LotR and then flying in to take me to the Fellowhsip at the theater (I thought I was having a hallucination because I was asleep and then you were standing next to my bed telling me it was time to go to Middle-Earth and you didn't even live in the same state as me, how were you suddenly in my bedroom wanting to go to the movies?) The only time I have ever gone to a midnight opening showing of anything - Return of the King (remmeber when we made lembas with the pink blender?). And mostly, for Tea and Small Talk. Everything it represented - that even though we had grown up and seemingly apart, we were still sisters. There I was babbling on about fan-fiction and you just smiled and wrote me a story because you knew. Of course you knew - you are my sister and I learned all the best things in the world from you. Everything that is worth knowing, every important thing like how to ice skate and John Cusack and music worth listening to and how to set the table and make my bed and cook french toast and how to write with my own voice and how to let it all go, even when the world slams me down, and just enjoy a good afternoon of watching the ridiculousness of Dark Alec. I love you in a way I can't even say. You always carried me, like a freakish Amazon woman, when I couldn't walk.

I think I'm all done being nostalgic and emotional and squishy for the day. I've had a huge year already and I felt like there were things I needed to say to the people I love. And honestly, I couldn't have made it through this year without Fandom at my back. So I guess, whoever it is appriopriate to thank for that - thank you.
Tags: emotional waxing, fandom fun, fandom saved my life, lord of the rings took my virginity, my girls, real life, sister oh sister, spn love, the bff is my bestest best friend, the cousin

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