So, here you go - Reflections from John while sitting outside the house in Lawrence at the end of the first season episode, "Home". Rated PG, obvs themes of death, angst and 436 words.
Title: Home, For The Last Time
Author: The Artful Dodger / dodger_sister
Category: Angst, Drabble, Episode Coda, General
Characters/Pairing: John (with mentions of Mary, Dean & Sam and minor mentions of Missouri & Jessica)
Warnings: Themes of Death
Spoilers: Home & The Pilot & Scarecrow
Summary: John lingers outside the house in Lawrence, thinks about Mary.
Word Count: 436 words.
Date Written: 02/16/2010
Disclaimer: “Supernatural” belongs to Eric Kripke and The CW. I don’t own these characters, at all. This story, however, is all mine. I make no money off of this.
Feedback: Bring it. dodger_sister / TheArtofDodger@comcast.net
Author's Notes: Because I wanted to convert The Cousin to the love of The John Winchester. Seems maybe I did and now she kind of hates me for it. /evil laugh/. John’s angst and pain over Mary never ceases to break my heart into little shards.
Dedication: The Cousin was asking for fic. She’s all…Fandom now. It’s awesome! Love you. Welcome to the Club!
John Winchester sat outside the house in Lawrence, Kansas he had once called Home.
He wanted to go in. Needed to go in.
Knew someone else called it Home now.
He wondered if it still smelled the same. Wondered if her scent was still in there.
If she was still in there.
Missouri had said Mary’s spirit was gone, burned itself up to save the boys, but maybe Missouri didn’t know.
Couldn’t know. Couldn’t sense Mary the way John could.
He wanted to go in, to wander the halls and remember something good from inside that house.
He craved for it, telling himself, in a complete lie, that she was still in there. That he would be able to see her and smell her. Hear her and feel her.
There was a pain for his boys then, for what they had endured, going back into that house. And a hatred, an unsettling hatred for what they had received, the gift of that one last moment with her.
He pushed the hate away, focused on the love Mary always had for Sam and Dean, even before they were born. Focused on the love John and Mary had for each other.
It was the only thing he could be sure was real, that they had loved each other.
He watched the nursery window for hours, hoping she would appear, knowing she wouldn’t. When night fell, he slept; fitful and uneasy and dreamed.
There was another beautiful, blonde-haired girl with a smile that lit a room and a twinkle in her eyes.
And she was burning on the ceiling and dripping blood and though John hadn’t been there to see it himself, couldn’t be sure he was seeing it quite the way it had happened, he knew one thing was real here too.
The sound of Sammy screaming her name, “Jess! Jess! No!”
John choked awake.
In the darkness, he could still see the fire.
He shook himself, looked up at the nursery window but it was empty.
It would always be empty.
John started the truck, slid it into gear.
He knew out there was a monster, a killer. It had taken away two beautiful perfect women who had been loved by Winchester men. It had killed Mary and killed Jessica.
It had killed John and killed Sam.
And now John knew, he would kill it. Somehow, he would kill it.
He looked one last time in the nursery window and lied to himself that he could see her there.
Then John Winchester pulled away from the only place he had ever called Home for the last time.