Um...no. It's actually my current "tattoo" icon, as I am now about to SHARE PICS OF MY TATTOO WITH YOU. (I know, I know, it only took me 6 months). But I figured since I got the tat for my one year drug-free celebration, and
Yep...18 MONTHS! In which I haven't swallowed a pill stronger than a regular strength Tylenol.
I'm actually feeling a lot better about it too. Especially since I started physical therapy. Even though I often come home from my sessions and have to lay down on the couch with the heating pad - overall, I feel better and stronger. Before I would get these bouts of pain and I would get so freaked out, thinking that some day, at some point, I will have to give in and take something for the pain. But now that I have someone working with me and getting me limber and keeping my muscles in good shape - I think maybe that day might be a lot farther off than I could have hoped for. Kevin, my physical therapist, and I had a good talk about it the other day and I basically said as long as he would put up with me being a pain in his ass, I would keep coming in and doing the work. Whatever it takes to put off that inevitable day for as long as I can.
Of course, there are still times where I want to surrender to the oblivion for personal emotional reasons - (nope, still don't want to talk about my mom yet) - or I forget why I am struggling so hard to stay clean, because what the hell am I doing with my life anyways...but I don't quite feel like I am up against the emotional and the physical at the same time, which is a good thing.
I should probably point out that this doesn't include alcohol, as I did get a little tipsy on vacation. I allow myself a drink or two like twice a year, but I really am a disgrace to my Irish heritage in that respect and don't really enjoy it that much anyways.
Anyways, I would have made this post yesterday - I actually typed it all up and everything - but I couldn't find my photos I had taken of the tattoo. I searched my computer for the phrase "tat" and all I got were pictures of Chad Michael Murray. What has my life become? Thankfully, My Wonderful Awesome BFF took some new ones for me. Thank you, liptonrm - (I could say it a million times a day for a million things, babe!)
I designed the tattoo myself and then I sent it to tringic - (My Girl!) - and she cleaned up the lines for me so it was perfect and exactly what I wanted, because my version was nowhere near good enough for my arm - (tringic is an amazing artist and she totally pulled this out for me and I can't thank her enough! Seriously). It is an Ankh, which symbolizes rebirth - and a Sun, which also symbolizes rebirth. I don't just feel like the rebirth was about getting off the pills, but I am also trying to work more on other things about myself as well. And I started writing again and I realized how much I missed it. So I thought the ankh and sun were good choices. Plus, I have always been oddly obsessed with the ankh in general, dating back to a necklace I had when I was like 14. The tattoo is on my left arm.
Now maybe tomorrow I'll catch up on comments. What? Don't give me that face - I totally maybe will.