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11 August 2011 @ 10:45 pm
Why Won't They Just Take Off Their Pants?!  
I have been in a bit of a rut when it comes to writing. I have all of these half-finished plotty fics on my computer and I can't seem to get anywhere with them. So, I thought, "You know what might break me out of this rut? Porn. Maybe I just need to write some good old-fashioned porn. A little PWP with no substance whatsoever. Porning was always my thing back in the day and I haven’t written hardly any porn at all this year." So, I decided to just write me some porn. How many times did I just use the word 'porn' in that paragraph?

I had a pretty easy set-up in mind. Quick intro of Guy A. Guy A walks into room where Guy B already is. Short flirty banter. Unzip pants. Whip them out.

Simple, yes?

I figured the set-up should take 400 words at most and then the porning shall commence. Easy.

715 words in...and everyone still has their pants on. Guy A hasn’t even gone into the room yet. Guy B hasn’t even made an appearance.

Jared and Jensen - (whom the story is not about) - seem to be taking over the whole damn thing. Jensen was only suppose to be there long enough for me to bounce Guy A’s personality off of him and Jared was suppose to be a vague mention at the most. Now they are awkwardly flirting with each other, while Guy A is stuck standing there.

What the hell? WHY WON’T THEY JUST TAKE OFF THEIR PANTS?!?! Why can’t I write porn anymore, you guys?

Deni: Dean - SMOOTHdenig37 on August 12th, 2011 03:18 am (UTC)
dodger_sister: porndodger_sister on August 14th, 2011 08:58 pm (UTC)
No, no!! This is a serious problem - stop laughing! 8)

So...does roflmabo mean "rolling on the floor laughing my ass-butt off"? Because if so...genius.
Deni: Cas - Don't ask stupid questionsdenig37 on August 14th, 2011 09:06 pm (UTC)
dodger_sister: porndodger_sister on August 14th, 2011 09:24 pm (UTC)
Ha! It looks like I even commented on that post - I guess I forgot the ass-butt thing!! :)

PS: Your icon is both hot and appropriate!!

Edited at 2011-08-14 09:25 pm (UTC)
Deni: Misha/Jensen - It's a parade!denig37 on August 14th, 2011 09:33 pm (UTC)
Gotta use and enjoy the icons 'til I can...they were a gift from Brie when she saw me squeeing and enjoying icons (making and using and adoring them) and then being sad that I can't afford them (that's why I made for her the Chad icons then too :-D)
Kate: Dean and Anna love hurtsceitfianna on August 12th, 2011 04:02 am (UTC)
Porn is hard. Good luck.
dodger_sister: writingdodger_sister on August 14th, 2011 09:00 pm (UTC)
You said, "Porn is hard." heehee

Yes, hi, I am a twelve year old boy.

Porn is actually what I find the easiest to write. It's really where I started out in fanfic writing anyways and I figured I could fall back on it easy. But apparently everything has to have plot and character development now...argh. Thanks, it's coming along, but I still haven't gotten to the porn yet.
sarahk_1963sarahk_1963 on August 12th, 2011 06:51 am (UTC)

i guess eventually because it is your porn, you'll write the character's taking off each other's pants (btw, I like the fact that it's morphing into porn about the J's ;)
dodger_sister: j2dodger_sister on August 14th, 2011 09:03 pm (UTC)
Writing is hard, yo.

I just freak out when it takes too long to get to the point I want to get to - because I am always afraid I'll get blocked before I make it there. I have successfully moved the character away from the J2 flirting - he left them behind to keep making eyes at each other - so maybe next I'll actually get him into the room with the other guy. /xxx fingers/
sarahk_1963sarahk_1963 on August 16th, 2011 07:59 am (UTC)
xxx fingers too - or try this trick - walk away from the story for awhile - read something that makes you giggle (try Janet Evanovich's Wicked Apetite)- I find she writes in a style that has me laughing out loud - which is pretty good for a paperback novelist :)

xxx fingers again anyhoo ;)
Menel: J2 - Groomsmenel on August 12th, 2011 09:08 am (UTC)
It's official. The world is ending. (But that doesn't mean it's a zombie apocalypse, damnit 'cos we're not starting that streetfight again!)
dodger_sister: apocalypsedodger_sister on August 14th, 2011 09:06 pm (UTC)
Please don't take my Queen of the Slash Porn tiara away from me!!! Yes, the day I can't write porn is clearly a sign of the upcoming apocalypse. Agreed.

500 words later and Guy A is just about to push open the door to the room where Guy B is. I am so close.

Dude, we don't need to street-fight when I am clearly right. And Zombie Apocalypse is the best kind of apocalypse, followed closlely by Plague Apocalypse. Trufax.
Menel: Ewan - Effing Teasemenel on August 20th, 2011 02:27 pm (UTC)
Remember the original title was the "Undisputed Queen of Slash Porn"? I think the word 'undisputed' is under dispute now, but no. I won't take away the tiara . . . yet.

How about this? I'm at 16, 000 words into a story and all I've managed is one smoking hot kiss with some minor references to sex. I have no idea when the sex will come - if it will at all (pun intended) - and I'm totally not forcing it. Sometimes it's just not about the sex. *shrugs*

And shit, this comment has reminded me that I've totally let The Great Dodger T-Shirt Project lapse. I had a friend do the artwork for your shirts over the summer too. (My summer, that is.) And when I popped over to Cafe Press, your size and the color you requested was out of stock so I told myself to come back and then I didn't! *groan* I'm bloody useless. (You're still the same size, right? Medium? Not that I'm hinting anything here. *g*)

dodger_sister: apocalypsedodger_sister on September 2nd, 2011 01:25 am (UTC)
I have finished The Porn! May I keep my tiara now?

How is that 16,000 word fic coming along? I'm gonna guess and say that it is Primeval. Yes?

I have no idea when the sex will come - if it will at all (pun intended)

I am fake laughing at your bad pun, baby.

Sometimes it's just not about the sex. *shrugs*

This happens to me all the time and you can't force it, yes - but in the case of the The Porn I was working on, that was the whole point. It was a birthday fic for someone who loves a good mindless piece of kink, so I really needed the porn to work out. There wasn't enough plot to sustain it otherwise.

I have let the Great Menel Project fall to the wayside as well. I have this stack of stuff in the corner of my bedroom waiting to be sent out to you, only I have that one last thing to do and man, I am lazy as shit <--as in, I just lay there and stink it up. ;) You had a friend do artwork for me for my shirt? That makes me like really happy for some reason - you love me enough to recruit other people into the madness. Awwwww.

I'll take any color, as long as it is the ringer tee style, cuz I look good in those. (why yes, I am vain) And yes, still a medium.

I guess this means I have to stop being lazy and get on that project of yours. I am aiming for Christmas!
Menel: Ewan - Effing Teasemenel on September 3rd, 2011 03:28 pm (UTC)
Very well. The tiara is still yours.

There wasn't enough plot to sustain it otherwise.

Reading that made me smile. From the sound of things, your fic grew enough plot to sustain itself. *g* Since I got back into fandom, I haven't tried a true PWP. I dunno why. It's not just a 'sign of maturity' as someone told me (although I think there is something to it), it's also that I've lost those PWP skillz, if I ever had them. I think back now on my "Tactics" trilogy (a series of three PWPs) and I'm stunned now that I could ever have produced anything like that. In fact, the "Tactics" trilogy together with "Getting Into Hot Water" are the last two fics I ever wrote in LotR and they were both PWPs. I just can't do that anymore and that does make me sad. :-(

I have this stack of stuff in the corner of my bedroom waiting to be sent out to you, only I have that one last thing to do and man, I am lazy as shit <--as in, I just lay there and stink it up. ;)

LOL! I honestly don't know what's worse - laziness or forgetfulness. And I had to get someone to help me with the graphics. You know how I'm completely graphics-impaired. Even when I was at Cafe Press I agonized over how to get the graphics on the shirts just right. I know I'll fuck it up somehow because that's what I do and you'll end up with two wonky shirts!

You'll take any color? I thought pink and yellow were off-limits. Am I remembering this correctly? It would be nice if the next time I visited the site they miraculously had more practical colors for the ringer tee style.

I shall follow your lead and give The Dodger T-shirt Project a Christmas deadline as well . . . again!

We are hopeless! *g*
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on November 11th, 2012 02:16 am (UTC)

I have a theory that PWPs are for our youth - the way you are more prone in your early 20s to pick up a guy at a nightclub or do it in a public restroom. Stories with Plots are things for in your 30s, when you want more from your relationships. But I don’t feel like a person who is too mature to say “no” to a quickie in a public restroom at a nightclub - not that I ever have - but I can’t imagine being like, “Oh no, I am in my 30s now and don’t write PWPs, thanks anyways”. Though maybe I would say that just to see the look on imaginary-man’s face.

Shirts - Honestly any color is good. Like normally I would say that much pink is too much - (pink is no longer off limit’s the way it was years back but it can be too much sometimes) - but I would have said that about the yellow/orange tee and yet it looks really good on me. The blue/greeny one is the best color for my skin, but it also faded the fastest. The yellow/orange one would normally be the worst color for my skin but the one I have (am wearing right now in fact) looks really good on me (maybe I am biased because it is my Jayne Cobb shirt?) and the pink is the only color I don’t have yet, so…yeah, anything is good. Though you might want to go Large on the size. I put on about ten pounds this past winter and it all seems to be in my boobs - which is not a bad thing except my shirts all keep riding up now.

Yeah, we kind of suck.
Menel: Ewan - Effing Teasemenel on November 16th, 2012 01:52 pm (UTC)
This comment is a bit better. It's only one year old instead of two. Hahaha!

Your theory about PWPs for our youth and plots for our 30s makes sense. It's pretty much what elfscribe5 said to me about a year ago too. Having said that, there's a large part of me that resists it and the fantastic ladies that I met through Primeval (all of whom were older than me) would completely prove the theory wrong. The Primeval fandom is a small one, relatively speaking, but the level of high quality porn that is being written there truly staggers me. More than that, it made me feel insecure. I've lost all my porn skills and then there are these ladies writing porn of the highest standard. Being in Primeval made me recognize how truly vanilla my fiction is and that amuses me too.

Re: The Dodger T-shirt Project
Thanks for giving me an update. I still want to send you that shirt. It's now Christmas Project Take 2. So lame! Btw, I have a file for all the details. Now I can update it. I haven't been to Cafe Press since last year. Here's hoping that there are more colors to choose from otherwise you really might end up with a pink T-shirt. (Don't you dare ever send me anything in pink. Or yellow!)
Menel: Ioan - Idiocy Tires My Beautymenel on September 3rd, 2011 04:48 pm (UTC)
I am lame.

I had to come back to this comment because I realized that I'd forgotten to answer one of your questions, namely:

How is that 16,000 word fic coming along? I'm gonna guess and say that it is Primeval. Yes?

Yes. It's Primeval. For the August PriWriMo that just ended (PriWriMo = Primeval Writing Month), my goal was a 'short' Becker/Stephen story. I figured it would be 10, 000 words max, but after finishing the first part (which really was a little over 10, 000 words) and seeing how the story was developing, I quickly realized that I had a Big Bang on my hands. *head desk* The story is now at 21, 000 words and looks to be stalled, not because I don't know what's going to happen next but because I don't have the time to write anymore. (I haven't written a word all week which makes me sad.)

The good news is the last scene I wrote had real sex in it (it took me 19, 000 words to get there). Not very good sex, imho, but better than nothing. Definitely no ring or earrings or any other kind of small jewelry for my porn. Your tiara is perfectly safe. *g*
book_nerd57book_nerd57 on August 12th, 2011 10:51 am (UTC)
LOL! This post just made my day better :)
dodger_sister: writingdodger_sister on August 14th, 2011 09:07 pm (UTC)
lol :) Well, I am glad someone's day was made better, because I have now reached 1280 words and EVERYONE STILL HAS THEIR PANTS ON!!! Why is it so hard to get them naked? Just get naked already! /headdesk/
ranua: riley's watchingranua on August 12th, 2011 10:52 am (UTC)
Maybe they're shy and don't wanna get undressed while someone is watching?

And damnit! Why is it when you want them to talk they won't and when you don't want to hear a peep outta them they won't shut up! (I'm having that first problem on the last scene that needs to be done on my big bang)
dodger_sister: porndodger_sister on August 14th, 2011 09:10 pm (UTC)
Trust me, when you see the pairing, you will know it is ridiculous to suggest that these two guys are shy. ;)

I don't know why our characters will never do what we tell them. I need them to stop talking. Of course, we both know the best way to get someone to shut up...is to stuff something in their mouth.

Hope the bigbang writing is going a little smoother for you by now.
ranuaranua on August 16th, 2011 10:39 am (UTC)
we both know the best way to get someone to shut up...is to stuff something in their mouth. lol! amen to that!

(the big bang is done! and at the final beta! Now I just have to resist poking at it after I finish the last edits)
Ironlily - Making My Marque: btvsrashandimpulsivevikingprincess on August 12th, 2011 11:18 am (UTC)
You are freakin' hilarious. BRING ON THE PORN!!
dodger_sister: porndodger_sister on August 14th, 2011 09:11 pm (UTC)
1280 words - Guy B still has not made an entrance.

Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on August 14th, 2011 09:55 pm (UTC)
You poor, poor frustrated woman! Bad porn boys! BAD, I say! *rolls newspaper for the smacking of porn boys' noses*
wolfrider89: Em Misha happywolfrider89 on August 13th, 2011 08:57 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, dude, I always have that problem. (OK, not THAT problem. Jared and Jensen don't usually hijack my fics, since they're mostly already in them, but the part about them never getting to the taking-off-the-pants part.) I was actually surprised at how soon I got to the porn in a certain fic I'm writing that shall remain nameless but has a deadline in TWO FUCKING DAYS. :P

I hope you get to the naked part soon, bb! <3
dodger_sister: writingdodger_sister on August 14th, 2011 09:15 pm (UTC)
I wanted just the slightest mention of the J2, in case I ever felt the desire to write what happened to Jensen at the party (they are at a party in the fic). But it wasn't suppose to take over everything!!! Damn those J2 and their epic love.

They all still have their pants on, but at least the character has moved away from the J2. I felt like I was slowly backing away from them myself when I was writing it. Like, "You two stay there, STAY, and I'm going over here - I said STAY!!"

Is the porn-thing you are working on a birthday fic for a certain girl we know? Is it? No, you don't have to tell me. ;)

Thank you for the support, baby!
wolfrider89: Dean sniperwolfrider89 on August 14th, 2011 10:35 pm (UTC)
Haha, those J2 people truly take over everything. Damn them. :P

So, progress, then! The J2 can stay in a corner and chat and make out while the porn happens. :D

The porn thing is actually the OTHER fic. You know, The Fic. *hint at icon* Although, now that you mention it, damn, I need to write more on that porn for that girl I kind of know.


Edited at 2011-08-14 10:35 pm (UTC)