I know I don’t talk about my health a lot on LJ, mostly because LJ is a much needed break from people acting like my health problems are all that make up who I am.
But this is too big not to tell you guys.
I had a seizure this weekend. That has never happened before. I hit my head on the medicine cabinet in the bathroom on Friday. My vision whited out for a few seconds and then I felt nauseous for a few minutes but after that I was fine. Except for the giant lump on my head, that apparently even bled a little.
On Saturday, I entertained the houseguests and watched the ballgame. Then right before bed, I got overcome with exhaustion, ringing in my ears, sweating. I went to the bathroom so I could get ready for bed and I felt like I was about to pass out. I hollered for my sister and she came in. One minute I was talking to her and the next I was having a seizure. I went unconscious after that but when I came to, I was oriented and understood what had happened. The whole thing lasted less than 30 seconds.
The doctor say it wasn’t an actual seizure but instead when I passed out, my heart rate and breathing went so low that I was denied oxygen to my brain and that caused seizure-like symptoms. They admitted me for three days and ran all the tests - heart and brain activity were all good. They can’t tell me what happened. No one seems to think it was a concussion from the head injury though, but I don’t believe them at this point. One doctor said it could have been “the perfect storm” - exhausted, stressed, dehydrated, head injury all working against my body regulating itself when I felt faint, causing the oxygen loss to my brain.
It was scary as fuck. Scarier even for my sister. And the whole time I was in the hospital I just wanted to go home and snuggle with my cat but then I remembered I lost him last weekend. It’s been a bad few weeks. I am home now but still without any definite explanation. I swear, doctor work is just guess work most of the time. I have to wear a heart monitor for three weeks (it itches and I hate it) in case it happens again, they can see what my heart does during it. I am exhausted from the anxiety of it all. The lump on the back of my head still hurts. I missed most of my brother’s visit. My mother is driving me insane. My best cat is gone. I am FML about everything in my life.
In sum: If one more person tells me that I am an inspiration for others, or that God made me special for a reason, or that I need to keep a positive attitude to keep bringing hope to other sick people - I am going to kick someone’s fucking teeth in.
I'm just going to try not to dwell too much on it all and get back to my regularly scheduled program. It's how I deal.