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22 November 2011 @ 10:58 pm
The Good. The Bad. The Beautiful.  


Had to get up at ass o'clock today to go have yet another test done. It was not an icky test at least, but I could not eat or drink for five hours beforehand. And then I had to ride an hour in the car to the hospital. And I am person who gets car sick very easily. I did not throw up, but it was not pleasant. Luckily my sister took the day off to take me, since if I was going to be ill at least I could do it on her. (that's sisterly love, right?)

At this point my symptoms have lessened considerably and I am starting to think that I just need to get back on a regularly structured schedule, both to deal with my exhaustion and my stress level. Structure helps a lot. But they keep sending me for more tests/doctors and that makes me more exhausted and it is like "to find out why I am exhausted we run tests that make me exhausted" in a Catch 22 kind of way. I am hoping to make it through the Christmas holidays and then maybe I can get back to a decent schedule.

My dad is also not well and he keeps taking more and more pain pills but refuses to go to the doctor. Seriously, what is wrong with the people in my family? My mom got hit in the head once and was literally bleeding out of the side of her head and refused to go to the ER. My parents, ladies and gentlemen.


I have finished my Christmas shopping online. Bunch of it has already been shipped. I still have to do my sister's stocking stuff and a couple things for the cats, but both of those are shopping trips with The Nephew. His parents said they would bring him in sometime before Christmas and he can help me both pick out things for my sister's stocking and for the cats' stocking. The year he was 3yrs old, we hit the dollar store and just bought her ridiculous things for her stocking and had so much fun doing it!

I also maybe bought a few things for myself because I've earned it,. The new Needtobreathe album, "Reckoning", because ranua recently recced a bunch of their music and I loved it. Dungeons and Dragons the cartoon series (for $6 on Amazon!) and who remembers this show? I have a stuffed unicorn doll and his name is Uni - (if you remember this show, you'll know why I am randomly talking about unicorns, okay?) And a discounted pinball game for my DS. I am a huge fan of pinball, always have been, and I figure it is a good game to play when in waiting rooms and during my snatches of time at physical therapy because the games are shorter than getting involved in a role-playing type game or something.

I heard on the news today that Michigan is passing an act that will allow foster children who have aged out of the system to continue getting housing subsides and medical coverage if they choose to attend college. I believe up to the age of 22. This is something that I feel strongly about, as a person who worked with kids for over a decade and who knew far too many homeless teenagers in my life - anything that helps any child have a brighter future is a good thing.

I don't have to go anywhere or do anything for Thanksgiving this year and yet I still get pie!! I may not even put on pants, just sit around in my pjs and eat my pumpkin pie and my giant tub of cool whip! That's right, I said it, giant tub of cool whip!

The Beautiful: We are watching My So-Called Life right now, and yeah I watched it as a teenager when it first aired, but I had forgotten how unbelievably pretty Jared Leto is as Jordon. Like. So. Pretty. IT MAKES ME FEEL FUNNY IN MY PANTS, YOU GUYS. I have many thoughts about this show that I must share but for now, I share this...

Teenaged Angst and Woe.

I want to touch his eyelashes.

That is all.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on November 23rd, 2011 04:13 am (UTC)
I always wanted a roller coaster that would give me awesome hero type powers....
dodger_sister: cartoondodger_sister on November 26th, 2011 08:52 pm (UTC)
Even as a kid, I was like "Why are they so bent on getting home? It's all they care about. But they have awesome powers and are in a world with dragons and unicorns. I'd stay forever."

I should have known you'd be the one person on my Flist who remembers this show. /fist bump/
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on November 26th, 2011 10:44 pm (UTC)
*fist bump* indeed!

I never understood the whole going home thing, either. But I really, REALLY didn't fit in with my family.
dodger_sister: cartoondodger_sister on November 27th, 2011 11:23 pm (UTC)
Yeah, my life sucked hard as a kid and the idea of living somewhere with magic powers and fighting dragons - well, hell, that still sounds better than my real life.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on November 28th, 2011 12:53 am (UTC)
I'd probably miss my comfortable house... but other than that, and so long as those I love get to come play hero too, I'm all for it! Let's go!
Why all the pearls?Why all the hair?Why anything?rhymephile on November 23rd, 2011 04:56 am (UTC)
I too enjoy pinball! We could be pinball wizards together!

Bummer about the stress and testing and all that. Be glad that you can afford to have them, though. Luckily I was able to get covered under my girlfriend's insurance starting January. I am now a "domestic partner"! LOL.

Pie! I could eat pie every day, which would be bad, but I could.

I am ready to wake up at 3 a.m. to be ready for Amazon's Black Friday deals. Since they start at 12 a.m. on the West coast we East coasters get a little more sleep. I did it last year too. This year I want video games. Oh, but I already bought myself an early birthday present: LotR Blu-ray Extended edition is on sale for $49.99. Bought that one.
dodger_sister: cartoondodger_sister on November 26th, 2011 08:59 pm (UTC)
I think I got my pinabll skills from my dad. I had a tabletop pinball machine as a kid and my dad and I were constantly one-upping each other for top score.

I am on government insurance and having watched my brother struggle to get insurance for his family, I am grateful that being disabled does have a few perks. I can't believe we have places now that recognize domestic partnership - it makes me so happy, in general and for you. On this hospital form I filled out the other day it asked for marital status - "married, single, widowed, divorced or partnership" and I was so impressed with how forward thinking our crappy little hospital is. I mean, they still suck hard at the medicine end, but that's something at least.

I will get pumpkin pie every morning for breakfst for a week - it is marvelous.

We rewatched the LotR trilogy this weekend! It makes me so warm in my heart. $50 is really good for a blu-ray, they are wicked expensive.
elfscribe5: JRMelfscribe5 on November 23rd, 2011 05:04 am (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear you're going through medical stuff. Not fun. I suffered from chronic fatigue for years and still don't have a lot of stamina. I have no idea why and no doctor could figure it out. Part of it was surely due to awful stuff at work though. I hope you're doing better soon.

Ooh, cute Jared Leto. I never saw My So-called Life.
dodger_sister: sickdodger_sister on November 26th, 2011 09:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I keep thinking it is possible I could have Mono but as I already had it once as a teenager, I will always test positive, so there is no way to tell. Now I am thinking it is all just lingering stress. Also, they made me cut back on my caffeine. Boo.

I suffered from chronic fatigue for years and still don't have a lot of stamina.

It's weird, I have heard this from other people, that they suffer from something and even after it is all cleared up, they never quite feel like themselves.

Jared Leto is just so pretty in My So-Called Life, it is ridiculous. My So-Called Life is actually a lot more interesting to me as an adult then it was when I was a teenager. I did not have anywhere near the "normal" teenage years experience and I couldn't really relate to any of the characters (there were two characters I kind of related too but it is narrated by the lead, Claire Danes, and I could not relate to her at all). As an adult, I am not trying to connect so hard to the characters and from a story-telling view, I am in awe of the way they are able to quiet and simple like convey All The Feelings a teenager has so perfectly.
fragrantwoodsfragrantwoods on November 23rd, 2011 01:59 pm (UTC)
Man, I'm angry on your behalf...it sucks that right when you least feel like it, you're expected to have the stamina to do all kinds of exhausting medical stuff.

Yay for Christmas progress. I'm in denial so far about the whole thing.
I never watched My So-Called Life, but he's pretty and he didn't turn out too bad, from what I can tell. He does scruffy well.
dodger_sister: my so-called lifedodger_sister on November 26th, 2011 09:13 pm (UTC)
It's so backwards - oh, you feel like crap and need sleep? Let's give you more shit to do than you have done in years. Wow, we are so surprised you don't feel better yet.


I always get my shopping done before Thanksgiving, that way I can get the free shipping, even though it takes longer to arrive. I keep thinking of more things to buy people but thus far I have held off and been a good girl.

I remembered that Jared Leto was in My So-Called Life as the pretty boy crush of Claire Danes' character, but I had forgotten how pretty he actually was. Like I see him as the punked out scruffy rocker guy he grew up to be, so this is very surreal to watch. I am liking MSCL a lot more as an adult than I did as a kid. She is a typical teenager trying to sort out who she is in the world and as a teen, I was like, "Listen, bitch, you think you have problems? Let me tell you about problems, mkay." But as an adult, I am able to see it through a whole different set of eyes and not feeling quite like she is such a whiny emo chick so much. Anyways, who wouldn't be whiny and emo if they wanted to touch Jared Leto's eyelashes and weren't allowed too?

Edited at 2011-11-26 09:42 pm (UTC)
ranua: pieranua on November 25th, 2011 03:12 am (UTC)
The whole medical system is wacky imho. I'm sorry you're still getting the run-around from doctor to specialist and back. But I'm happy to hear you're feeling better. I do hope that trend continues for you.

It's not just your family that's weird about doctors. One of my clients told me about a guy who called in with chest pain that to her sounded like heart attack symptoms. When told they couldn't get him in to see a doctor that day and he should go to an emergency room since it sounded like a heart attack the guy said no, he'd take the next available appointment. *shakes head* people are strange.

Yay for online shopping! I too have done like 80% of my shopping online this year and it's all shipped and in my closet waiting to be wrapped.

Hope you have a good day out with The Nephew.

Glad I could recommend you some music you liked enough to buy :D

That is pretty cool of the foster system in Michigan. It seems like kids who are stuck in the system until they age out have little to no support. It's good to hear of a program that would give them the same type of safety net other kids have (parents and their money) when they go off to college.

\o/ pie!!

*sighs* Claire Danes *drifts off in teenage remembrance*
dodger_sister: teenaged angst and woedodger_sister on November 26th, 2011 09:29 pm (UTC)
I think I will be done with all the doctor-running-around by the Christmas holidays. I hope so anyways. My aunt keeps telling me that I can tell them 'no' about tests and stuff but I'm like, "I don't want to miss something if there is something really wrong." The last time I dragged my heels, I was like deathly ill before they started paying attention. There's a line between over-doing it and not paying enough attention to my own body, and I can't tell the difference anymore.

One of my clients told me about a guy who called in with chest pain that to her sounded like heart attack symptoms. When told they couldn't get him in to see a doctor that day and he should go to an emergency room since it sounded like a heart attack the guy said no, he'd take the next available appointment.

WTF?! That's just...yeah. My mom had a stroke and went back to bed because she didn't want to call an ambulance. She waited until the morning and then called her sister to drive her to the hospital. But when she has an indetermined pain, one that when asked "where is your pain?" she can't actually tell you, then she calls an ambulance. I don't even.

A whole bunch of the stuff I ordered has arrived but none of the things I bought for myself! I want my music! And my pinball game! (the dungeons and dragons dvds can wait until The Nephew's school break). I debated between Louden Swain's album, which I really liked and used to listen to for free on their website until they took that feature down and now I miss "Poptart Heart" (what? it's a song!) and Needtobreathe. I went with NTB.

I always planned on being a foster parent someday. Now that my health is so much worse, I figure even if I get married I won't be well enough to care for kids, but it is still something that is close to my heart. I worked with a lot of troubled kids back in the day and we really can never do enough. I have very little good things to say about our current governor but I am so pleased he is signing this bill.


You are the first person to respond to this post who actually watched My So-Called Life. I should not even be a little bit surprised by this - the things we have in common are astounding sometimes. I actually didn't like it that much as a teen because I felt like Angela's problems were so stupid, when I had real problems (all teenagers think their problems are the worst of all) but my sister who was a freshman in college at the time, was really into this series. So I bought it for her birthday last year and am I really enjoying it this time around. Plus, it has given me fic ideas and that is never a bad thing. (BTW, Ricky was my first intro into boys who likes boys).
ranuaranua on November 29th, 2011 11:58 am (UTC)
Glad that the doctor running round will be done soon. I totally understand about not wanting to miss out on something that could finally provide the correct diagnosis. As long as you can stand all the bs I say keep going til you are satisfied.

I think it's some kind of denial of mortality thing, the not wanting to go to the hospital. When it's not a big deal you holler and shout like mad, but when you can tell it's serious you wanna curl up in a ball and not let anyone near. Maybe it's a throwback reaction that pops up outta our deep subconscious.

I always wanted to be a foster parent too but due to a misspent youth and the history of mental illness I don't qualify.

I need to pick up another pumpkin pie. (well not really seeing as how I'm the only one in the house that likes it and I don't really need to eat another pie all on my own even if I do spread it out over a week)

I know I've seen episodes of My So Called Life, but I don't remember much of them. I had a huge crush on Rayanne though. I've always had a soft spot for the bad girl.
dodger_sister: my so-called lifedodger_sister on November 30th, 2011 02:45 am (UTC)
I want kids but I can't fathom giving birth since the chances the kid's health would be terrible are high with all my illnesses/disability. So I'm being responsible. But those things also mean I don't qualify to adopt or get foster kids. Unless I had a spouse, then I may qualify. But now I don't think I can actually take care of kids. I may be one of the few people who wants to marry someone who already has kids. :)

I ate my last piece of pumpkin pie today. I am sad-face.

I HAD A CRUSH ON RAYANNE TOO! And Ricky (it was the eyeliner, I am sure) and Brain Krakow, true. But not really Jared's character - he was too emo for me. I really got an attitude problem right around the time I was watching this show and I am now wondering how much of it was me just wanting to be like Rayanne, cuz she was awesome.
ranuaranua on December 5th, 2011 11:52 am (UTC)
I may be one of the few people who wants to marry someone who already has kids. :) that makes me picture you as the heroine in some gothic romance where you melt the heart of the crusty (yet devastatingly handsome) widower and live happily ever after. :D

They were all so damned pretty. *sighs* I had an attitude problem before watching the show! lol (it's on my netflix que and I plan on watching it on The Boy's choir nights) (oh, he might like it too, but I'm not perving on my teen crushes in front of him! :D)
dodger_sister: my so-called lifedodger_sister on December 6th, 2011 01:55 am (UTC)
that makes me picture you as the heroine in some gothic romance where you melt the heart of the crusty (yet devastatingly handsome) widower and live happily ever after. :D

hahaha Okay, no, because it for some reason made me think of, um what's the book? Jane Eyre? And doesn't he have his old wife like locked up in the attic because he is tired of her and then falls in love with the nanny and they like raise the kid together or some shit? Yeah, that's where my mind went right there. IDK why.

I guess I had an attitude problem before Rayanne too but I don't know if I was so outspoken.
ranuaranua on December 9th, 2011 11:53 am (UTC)
I think that is Jane Eyre. I did read all those books in high school. Not because I had too, but because I went through a phase where I decided if I was going to be an educated, literate person I needed to have read all the classics. So, I have, not that I could remember them now, but I have read them.

I actually was thinking of this story: The Detective and the Woobie Widower it's SGA and one of my favorite 'verse's. Tho, I've read one or two J2 stories of the same nature.
wolfrider89: Jared/Misha <3wolfrider89 on November 26th, 2011 06:14 pm (UTC)
The bad: I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better, bb. I hope the doctors leave you alone soon so you can stop being exhausted!

The good: Chistmas shopping! Oh, God. Not, you now, that I COULD do any shopping, since I haven't had any money for the last three months, but still, it's be principle of the thing. I should at least look up what I want to buy for when I finally get money.

Go Michigan! Good law to pass, I hope it helps a lot of people.

Me and the roommate did fake-Thanksgiving this year, because we like the turkey and the stuffing and stuff. It was awesome, and very Americanized of us. :P

Dude, Jared Leto! First time I ever saw that man, he was kissing another man. He has a special place in my heart. :D
dodger_sister: my so-called lifedodger_sister on November 26th, 2011 09:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks, bb. I'm hoping to be done with all the doctor bullshit before the Christmas holidays.

I usually think about it for a few weeks, come up with ideas for what I want to get people for Christmas. This year I had like two ideas and that was it. So I just spent like a day browsing around and the next day I just ordered everything. It was the quickest shopping I have ever done. I, of course, forgot something my sister specifically asked for, but I got her something she has wanted for years, so I hope that makes up for it.

I don't really like our current governor but he signed this foster care bill, so that gives him some points from me. I'm really beyond happy to hear this. There is talk about offering it retroactively, to adults who were in the foster care system as kids and want to go to colege now.

Dude, Jared Leto! First time I ever saw that man, he was kissing another man.

I'm sorry.. what? Tell me more!!!
wolfrider89: Jared/Misha <3wolfrider89 on November 27th, 2011 10:58 am (UTC)
I have like ONE present planned, and that's for my dad's fiancé of all people. :P Need to figure something out for the roommate, since he gave me that Asylum 7 photo op. :)

There is talk about offering it retroactively, to adults who were in the foster care system as kids and want to go to colege now.
Hey, that's pretty awesome! I hope they pass that. *crosses fingers*

I'm sorry.. what? Tell me more!!!
Hahaha, well, he plays Colin Farell's lover in Alexander, and I think that's where I saw it... Um, maybe it's all in my head? Anyways, I have this image of Jared Leto kissing another man in my head. It is not unpleasant...
dodger_sister: my so-called lifedodger_sister on November 27th, 2011 11:13 pm (UTC)
Need to figure something out for the roommate, since he gave me that Asylum 7 photo op.

Good luck trying to top that! ;)

Alexander - /runs off to see if Netflix is streaming/
wolfrider89: S&D Impalawolfrider89 on November 28th, 2011 02:39 pm (UTC)
Yeah, and for my birthday he gave me a model Impala. He needs to stop being so awesome, I'll get an inferiority complex! :P

Haha, let me know if there's any actual kissing or if I dreamed that part!