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10 December 2011 @ 10:17 pm
Spontaneous Combustion - This Is How It Happens.  
I have lots of things to tell you, as usual, but I'm tired so you only get one story tonight. And I did promise you J2 Giraffe Sex, so...

Last weekend, despite how sick I felt, I managed to have a nice long visit with my friend, David. You may remember him as the guy whose wedding I went to this summer. He was in town for business and we got to see each other, which was Awesome.

We started our conversation with the typical family talk - (his family drama is crazier than mine) - and then moved onto how much he hates his job, followed by TV talk - (he is obsessed with some show about RuPaul and drag queens, that is basically Next Top Model in drag). Eventually, as it goes with us, we talked about porn.

And suddenly this conversation was happening…

D: Did you know that bestiality is called zoophilia now? What, was bestiality not politically correct enough?
Me: Is that what zoophilia is? I saw it on a kink meme and I was afraid to click it. I know bestiality is like Jensen having sex with a dog, but I was like, “Is zoophilia like if they are both dogs?”
D: No, zoophilia and bestiality are the same thing.
Me: Then what if like, Jensen is a giraffe and Jared is a giraffe and they have sex - what is that called?
D: What if they are both pterodactyls - what is that called?
Me: What if they are like pterodactyl-men? Like on The X-Men, where the dude is like a man by day and a crazy-evil-talking-pterodactyl by night.
D: And then they have sex with a man - what is that called?
Me: And he orders his minions, who as far as I can tell are just regular pterodactyls, to like gangrape Wolverine - what is that called?
D: I bet we could look it up on the internet. We should look it up on the internet.

Yeah. This is why David and I are such good friends.

Then at therapy, Kevin and I talked about buttsex. He started it! And then somehow my brain flashed to like a dozen different hardcore Sam/Dean fics, idek wtf but that's how my brain rolls and seriously - if I didn’t know how busy Kevin’s schedule is, I’d say he sits around thinking up things to bring up in conversation just to make my head explode.

Spontaneous combustion - this is how it happens.

Now you see why that all needed to go under a cut.

This is only the second time I have ever felt the need to rate a non-fic entry as "adult".

My life, peoples.
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on December 11th, 2011 07:17 am (UTC)
Your life has a much greater freedom of speech than does my life. Envy. I has it. :)
dodger_sister: talky-talkdodger_sister on December 13th, 2011 02:05 am (UTC)
lol Yeah, I try to watch my cussing in front of kids but other than that, I never filter. I haven't had a job in several years, so I have no reason to filter. I think I may have forgotten how to filter.

It's kind of liberating though. 8)
Annieaythia on December 11th, 2011 08:51 am (UTC)
*cracks up* Dude... that's SO awesome! :D

I think zoophilia is translated to like... love with animals or something like that. I think bestiality sounds better but that's just me.

Btw, you win at life :P
dodger_sister: smirkdodger_sister on December 13th, 2011 02:10 am (UTC)
Why, thank you, darling. I never set out to have a conversation about pterodactyl sex, but sometimes in life, these things just happen. (probably not to most people though).

I went to look up the exact definition of zoophilia...and I now know more than I care too.

bestiality sounds better but that's just me

You are right - zoophilia, if I hadn't seen the word on a kink meme, I would have thought was like "the study of animals in a zoo" or something. Not anything pervy. Yet somehow "bestiality" sounds pervy.

I win? Excellent. /evil laugh/
flawed_x_design: LOL!flawed_x_design on December 11th, 2011 10:59 am (UTC)
LOL! DID you look it up on the internet?? Because if so......what were the results?? O.O haha

I feel like Kevin has bets with himself like, "there's no way we can have a conversation weirder# than last time....unless....what if I brought up....*makes a list*

(# weirder, cooler, insanely more awesome *shrug* whatever)
dodger_sister: punk rockdodger_sister on December 13th, 2011 02:16 am (UTC)
We did not look it up on the internet, but just to appease you (not for me at all, lol) I searched "pterodactyl sex". Apparently Wiki_Answers will tell you how pterodactyls have sex. And also, Urban Dictionary tells me that to "pterodactyl" is when a woman gives oral to a guy while jerking off two other guys at the same time.

The More You Know.

My life, seriously.

Honestly, I think it is something about me that makes people just start talking about porn, even if I didn't even bring it this time! Also, Kevin knows I have no shame, so it's not like he can ever make me uncomfortable with anything he talks about - just sometimes it's a little surreal.
flawed_x_design: I have porn!flawed_x_design on December 16th, 2011 06:09 am (UTC)
Firstly: icon love!! (also LOL his sideburn looks like a leg/foot, I never noticed that)

Secondly: HAHAHA! Apparently Wiki_Answers will tell you how pterodactyls have sex the internet scares me sometimes.
The More You Know. *nods sagely.* Knowledge is power...or something, I dunno laughing and shaking my head too hard.

even if I didn't even bring it this time!
I'm gonna assume here that you meant to type "bring it up" because otherwise I can see how your conversations lead to porn if you tend to take it with you...HAHA (and only I would notice a typo like that)

dodger_sister: punk rockdodger_sister on December 16th, 2011 09:36 pm (UTC)
I love Jensen with the punked out look. But to be fair, I love everyone with a punked out look. (it does look like a legfoot, lol!)

I'm gonna assume here that you meant to type "bring it up" because otherwise I can see how your conversations lead to porn if you tend to take it with you...HAHA

OMG. heehee Porn - Don't leave home without it. I'm just walking around with gay porn dvds in my bag. lmao

(now I'm thinking about the day I left my IPod and DS at therapy - if I had left my pron, do you still think Kevin would have delivered it to my house? I am amused by this).

Edited at 2011-12-16 09:38 pm (UTC)
flawed_x_design: LOL!flawed_x_design on December 17th, 2011 12:58 pm (UTC)
You know, I wasn't a fan of the punk look at all until Jensen. Damn him and his perfection! *shakes fist* (I knoww! A knight in armour's legfoot in fact. Don't look it me like that.) I am so amused by the word legfoot rn.

LOL. Hmm... - actually I was going to speculate about it but then realised that me thinking about your therapist's reaction to gay porn is weird. SOOO I'm gonna leave it there :D
dodger_sister: punk rockdodger_sister on December 19th, 2011 01:22 am (UTC)
I used to listen pretty heavily to punk music and all my friends were into it. A lot of the guys I hung with use to do the punk rock thing (mostly just to go to concerts but still). I myself had a fauxhawk of varying colors, depending on my mood when I was about 14, so...yeah. I like the punk rock look on everyone.
flawed_x_designflawed_x_design on January 4th, 2012 12:54 pm (UTC)
Oh I like the punk look in general, on both guys and girls (admittedly a little more girls), I just didn't feel particularly drawn to that sort of thing. Am I explaining that right? It's like glasses. Despite wearing them myself, I'm indifferent to whether or not a guy is wearing them.
dodger_sister: punk rockdodger_sister on January 5th, 2012 02:29 am (UTC)
Oh, I have a glasses!kink too. I think the problem here is just that I am easily "visually-stimulated". lol

Ties, glasses, mohawks, tattoos, peircings.
wolfrider89: Dean owns impalawolfrider89 on December 11th, 2011 05:51 pm (UTC)
*breaks down laughing*

And he orders his minions, who as far as I can tell are just regular pterodactyls, to like gangrape Wolverine - what is that called?
I don't know whether to be horrified or crack up again. God, now there are pictures in my head. Damn you and your awesome conversations.

I have now learned what zoophilia is. Thank you, now I don't have to look it up. ;)
dodger_sister: omgdodger_sister on December 13th, 2011 02:23 am (UTC)
Ikr? Honestly, one of the many reasons why I love David - we can talk about pterodactyl sex.

So, I tried to find if anyone had written an X-Men piece like that (just for lols). The pterodactyl's name is Sauron, so when I searched "Sauron/Wolverine fic", I kept getting crossover stories where Wolverine ends up in Middle-Earth. hahahahaha

I'm telling you, I saw "zoophilia" on a kink meme or at spn_hardcore or something and I was terrified to click it - I knew what bestiality was, but then wtf could zoophilia possibly be? lol 8P
wolfrider89: Jared knife lickingwolfrider89 on December 13th, 2011 12:35 pm (UTC)
I kept getting crossover stories where Wolverine ends up in Middle-Earth.
OMG, the pure crack! Wolverine would kick Sauron's ass! And tell everyone to shut the fuck up. Oh Logan. Dammit, now I want to read X-Men.

I know! Kink meme's are scray places when you don't know what everything means. You click something, and then you go "Oh God, I did NOT need to have those mental images!" Or, of course, you go "oooh, I like!" That happens too. :P

I still need a Wolverine icon. What is up with this lack of a Wolverine icon, self? Fix it!
dodger_sister: wolverinedodger_sister on December 14th, 2011 08:11 pm (UTC)
All the Wolverine icons I have - and the one I choose to upload is just his dogtags. Whatever, dogtags are sexy.

X2 icons here including Wolverine and More X-Movie icons here.

Get on that! 8)
wolfrider89: X dog tags wolviewolfrider89 on December 14th, 2011 11:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you, bb! And dog tags are insanely sexy, for some reason. I've thought so for a very long time. Possibly since I saw the first X-men movie. Maybe. :P

*is an icon copycat*
dodger_sister: wolverinedodger_sister on December 15th, 2011 02:19 am (UTC)
I have fake dogtags. They say "Dodger" on them. I'm just that cool geeky.
wolfrider89: X wolverinewolfrider89 on December 15th, 2011 12:49 pm (UTC)
DUDE! Jealous!
fragrantwoodsfragrantwoods on December 11th, 2011 06:33 pm (UTC)
Most interesting physio evar! You should get an "entertaining client" discount.

And isn't it great to have a friend that you can get all
crack-y/geeky with??
dodger_sister: fangirldodger_sister on December 13th, 2011 02:27 am (UTC)
Most interesting physio evar! You should get an "entertaining client" discount.

lol I guess technically I do get a discount, since he covers me whenever my insurance won't - but I don't think he realized that in exchange, I would be explaining buttsex to him. 8)

David and I can't seem to get through a conversation without talking about porn, and I kind of love that. Before I had the liberation of the internet, I always had David. He's awesome.
Deni: What can I say...?denig37 on December 12th, 2011 02:26 am (UTC)
LOL, where do you find all these people? :-D

Haha and you wonder why I want to build a shrine for Kevin :-D He deserves one! *nods* :-D
dodger_sister: flirtingdodger_sister on December 13th, 2011 02:31 am (UTC)
I found David when I was 19, so it's been a long time. I never had a friend who just talked about whatever was on his mind (mostly sex at the time, as we were 19) and it was very liberating for me to just say whatever I wanted to him. Which, it turns out, would someday be a conversation about pterodactyl sex. ;P

Idek where Kevin came from, because when I was 14, I never looked at him and thought, "Someday we will be talking about buttsex." lol

Yeah, Kevin doesn't get a shrine. He gets nothing! (okay, he can have a cookie - how's that?)
Denidenig37 on December 13th, 2011 02:57 am (UTC)
YES! Cookie for Kevin! http://www.cookietime.co.nz/wbc.html :-D
ranua: amuse meranua on December 13th, 2011 02:00 am (UTC)
lmao!! :D

Kevin needs to come with a warning I think. I also second flawed_x_design's idea that he makes lists of what could make your head explode.

Zoophila sounds like enjoying a day at the zoo, whereas bestiality sounds like sex. Give me bestiality any day. (oh gods, did I really just write that?)

I'd love to spend some time in your brain bb, it always sounds like such a good time.
dodger_sister: oral fixationdodger_sister on December 13th, 2011 02:36 am (UTC)
hahaha I never thought between the two of us (me or Kevin) that he would be the one that needs a warning label!

I was pretty awful to Kevin when I was a teenager, so I am starting to think he does these things on purpose now as some sort of payback. If that is the case - it's brilliant. Best payback ever - I love it.

"Zoophilia" sounds like the study of animals in a zoo - like something you would go to graduate school for. What kind of professor do you think teaches "zoophilia" courses? Yes, agreed, bestiality is the one that sounds like porn. (while replying to these comments I have used the words "pterodactyl sex", "zoophlia" and "bestiality" more times that I ever thought I would in the entirety of my life).

You are always welcome in my brain but fyi, 99.7% of it is porn. Not a problem for you, right? 8)
ranuaranua on December 15th, 2011 01:38 am (UTC)
while replying to these comments I have used the words "pterodactyl sex", "zoophlia" and "bestiality" more times that I ever thought I would in the entirety of my life). I think that's why parents and teachers warn children about the internet! *g*

but fyi, 99.7% of it is porn. so, I'm almost afraid to ask, what's the other .3%?

dodger_sister: animalsdodger_sister on December 15th, 2011 02:21 am (UTC)
Yes, children, beware the internets - it has pterodactyl sex.

what's the other .3%?

My cats.