dodger_sister (dodger_sister) wrote,
dodger_sister
dodger_sister

Real Or Not Real.

This had to be a separate post from my earlier happy one because…I have reached page 300ish of “Mockingjay“. This is why I don’t read a ton of books. With a movie, you get two hours of being tense and upset and then maybe a day or two of obsessively thinking about it. With a book, it takes days to read and you are upset and tense the whole time and spend days waking up in the middle of the night thinking about it and…yeah.

This book is really upsetting! I left a little note on the wipe-board for my roomies and then a voicemail message on Cherri's phone. You can read them under the cut…


The message I left on the fridge: Finnick is dead, you motherfuckers! I'm too angry to even cry. Fuck this noise. I hate everything.

When I got up this morning, I found a reply from The BFF. Nothing is beautiful and everything hurts.

Oh, she thinks she's being cute! I haven't been this upset by a book since...Whale Talk, in which I cried so hard during the last two chapters that little drops of my tears fell onto the pages of the book that I was still attempting to read. I should have known when 60 pages or so into “The Hunger Games” - at The Reaping - I started crying so hard I just sat on the back porch and sobbed hysterically, like gasping for air for like 5 minutes until…oh.

Until The BFF came out and told me that if I was crying this hard already maybe I shouldn't read these books after all.

That doesn't absolve her of my pain!! Finnick is dead…No one gets absolution. Not even me. I read the first book last summer and my girls informed me tonight that they hid the other two books away after my cat died because they didn’t want me to try to read them when I was that upset. Which, yeah, okay…was really thoughtful of them. And the poor BFF, who was the first of us all to read the books and had no one to share her pain with.

Then I left this message for Cherri on her voicemail:
"Screw you, Cherri, for telling me to read this book! Finnick is dead! Why...why....why...WHY, OKAY, WHY?! Why would you want me to fall madly in love with a character when you know he is going to die?! Why? - I mean, I knew Boggs was going to die as soon as I decided I liked him. "Oh, I like this guy, he is going to die," but I was so busy deciding between the death of Gale or Peeta, Gale or Peeta, Gale or Peeta, that it didn't even occur to me that Finnick would die!! Stop laughing at me! And now like the only obvious solution is for Katniss to die. Like, I am Katniss. If you knew anything about me when I was 16, you'd know that I am Katniss. And even I think she should die. She should kill Snow and then like the last line of the book should be the last thing she sees before she closes her eyes and dies. Because it's the only way to make up for all the pain and death. And like, Peeta should have been The One. You know, when they were trying to keep Peeta alive in the arena, I was thinking it was because he would make a great voice for the rebellion. Coin was right, it should have been Peeta, not Katniss. - Because Katniss is great with a bow but like...Katniss is the one that keeps you alive, Peeta is the one that makes you want to live. And now...what? Look what they did to Peeta! - So now Johanna is going to have to spend the rest of her life taking care of Annie because Finnick went into combat when Johanna couldn't and she'll think she owes him and...and...and...WHO WILL HOLD ANNIE'S HAND NOW?! WHAT WILL ANNIE DO?! And Gale and Peeta should live happily, er-uh, semi-happily ever after because if Katniss dies then Gale will have to take care of Peeta for the rest of his life but that's okay because I think Gale and Peeta would be really good together. - Shut up, I know you are laughing at me! - Anyways, I am like 60 pages from the end and at this point I think the only viable option is to Burn It All To The Ground. Katniss should start a fire in the Capitol that burns for weeks and weeks until there is nothing left and everyone is dead because...whatever. Finnick is dead. - Yeah, okay, I'll call you this weekend after I've seen the movie....shut up, my pain is not funny."

Cherri called me back when she got the message and said she started laughing so hard and then in the message I yelled at her to ‘stop laughing’ and she was just sitting there stamping her feet and half-crying with laughter. Everyone laughs at my pain! She thought my tirade that one day about how Dean and Cas broke up was bad, well...she was wrong.

I really want to work on my Gale/Finnick fic now for some cathertic release. Yes, I am writing Gale/Finnick. Shut up. Off to read the last 60 pages of book.
Tags: books ah books, dean/cas epic heavenly love, district 12, finnick odair's beautiful pain, my girls, sister oh sister, stupid things that make me cry, the bff is my bestest best friend, writing blahblahblahing
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