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15 May 2012 @ 08:53 pm
Fic: The Avengers: The Battle Of The Alien Ants - PG, Action, Gen, Humor  
So this is the story I wrote for The Nephew's birthday. He came up with the idea for The Avengers to tell Hulk a joke to turn him back into Bruce Banner, which as a kid, I always wondered how they got The Hulk to calm down. This fic is written for a 6 year old but I tried to make it enjoyable for adults too, with humor and some bromance. The only downside to writing for a 6 year old is that he doesn't know all their 'civilian' names so I had to call them by their superhero names, even when they are in their pajamas (yes, there is a scene about pajamas).

I have decided to add a new tag to my list - 'children-specific', because I am starting to get enough stories that were written specifically for kids. Fanfic - it's not just for adults anymore!

Summary: Something is attacking the city. The only hope the citizens have is The Avengers. But will they get there in time? - Action/Adventure, General, Humor, Children-Specific with Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Hawkeye and Nick Fury. Rated PG with 2,435 words.

Dedication: For my nephew - He is more awesome than Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America and Hawkeye combined…he is the most awesome of all. Happy Birthday, Monkey!

Title: The Avengers: The Battle Of The Alien Ants
Author: The Artful Dodger / dodger_sister
Fandom: The Avengers
Category: Action/Adventure, General, Humor, Children-Specific
Characters/Pairing: Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Hawkeye and Nick Fury
Rating: PG
Warnings: Violence against giant ants.
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Something is attacking the city. The only hope the citizens have is The Avengers. But will they get there in time?
Word Count: 2,435 words.
Date Written: May, 2012
Disclaimer: The Avengers do not belong to me. They belong to Marvel and some other people. Not me. I wrote this story and it makes me no money.
Feedback: Bring it. dodger_sister / TheArtofDodger@comcast.net
Beta’d: Nope.
Author's Notes: So I wrote an X-Men story for my nephew for Christmas and I guess he liked it because he called me up and asked for an Avengers story. I said, “What? Do you think you have a birthday coming up or something?” Which, of course, he did. Then I asked him for some help writing it because I can never understand how they get The Hulk to calm down after he gets all ’hulky’. The Nephew’s suggestion? “Maybe they could tell him a joke. He can’t be The Hulk if he is laughing.” So I took his prompt and ran with it.
Author’s Notes #2: This was written for my 6 year old nephew for his birthday. Based off his prompt that they tell Hulk a joke to turn him back into Bruce Banner. Except for Bruce, their superhero names are used throughout because The Nephew doesn’t know their civilian names. It is written for and aimed at kids, but I tried to make it funny and enjoyable for adults as well. I have started writing enough fanfic for kids that I think I need a ‘kid-friendly’ tag.
Dedication: For my nephew - He is more awesome than Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America and Hawkeye combined…he is the most awesome of all. Happy Birthday, Monkey!

Wallpaper done by dodger_sister.
Images taken from "The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes".

Nick Fury, the man whose not-so-awesome job it was to be in charge of The Avengers, woke very early in the morning to the sound of his cell-phone ringing.

Nick Fury hated it when anything woke him before his alarm clock did.

"This had better be important," he growled into his phone.

"Yes, sir," the voice on the other end said. "It is very important."

Nick Fury sat up in bed. "What do you need?" he asked.

"We need the Avengers."


Captain America couldn't sleep. He'd woken up a few hours ago from a bad dream and hadn't been able to settle down since. So he'd put on some sweatpants and gone to workout with the punching bag. It was his favorite way to exercise, after all.

And that's what he was doing, punching the bag and trying to forget about his nightmare, when Iron Man came wandering into the exercise room. Iron Man had been sleeping, so he was wearing his very favorite Captain America pajamas that he had gotten for Christmas. They had been wrapped up in a box and the tag had read "From: Santa Claus", though of course Iron Man figured they had to have come from someone on his Avengers team really.

"Hey, Captain," he said and waved his fingers at the other man. "You want to take a break?"

"No," Captain America said and kept punching the bag.

"Well, that's too bad 'cause we've got to go to work."

Captain America looked up. "Someone's in trouble?" he asked.

"Always," Iron Man told him and they rushed from the room to join the other Avengers.


Nick Fury told them that the city was under attack, but he didn't know what it was. It could be a dragon or lizard men soldiers or maybe even giant ants. They'd just have to find out when they got there.

The Avengers; Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America and Hawkeye, piled into their SUV.

"Put on your seatbelts," Hawkeye told them and then drove the SUV as fast as he could.

Later, Nick Fury would tell him that he had driven the SUV too fast, because the next thing they all knew, the car was over-heating, smoke coming out of it and billowing up around them.

"Good job!" Bruce Banner yelled and they all stepped back from him, afraid he was about to turn green, big and hulky. "Now we are stuck on the side of the road while something attacks the city!"

"Maybe it's something good attacking the city," Iron Man told him. "Like an ice cream monster," and then he got really excited and said, "Or like an ice cream monster with sprinkles on top!"

"Oh good," Hawkeye said, "Now I want ice cream."

Iron Man shook his head. "Okay," he told the team, "I'll go fly ahead and see what the situation is. You stay here and see if Banner can fix the car."

"What?" Bruce Banner hollered. "How come I have to fix the car?"

Iron Man just smiled at him. "You are always saying that you are the smartest man on The Avengers. Now prove it," he said and then winked at Banner.

"I am not always saying that!" Bruce Banner cried. "You are the one always saying you are the smartest person on the team!"

But it was too late to argue because Iron Man had already lit up his rocket thrusters and flown off towards the city.


On a playground in the city, there was a group of kindergarten students out for recess. One small blond boy was telling all his friends how he had seen Iron Man fly right over his apartment the night before.

"Nuh-huh!" one of the other children cried, "Iron Man can't fly! He can only shoot lasers out of his arm."

"Yes so, he can fly," the blond boy said. "He has rockets on his shoes. And I saw him fly over my apartment just last night."

"I don't believe you," another kid said.

Just then, out of the sky above them, came Iron Man!

He landed on the playground, right near the swing set, his rocket thrusters blazing fire as he came to the ground in a halt.

"See!" the blond boy cried. "I told you he could fly!"

Iron Man nodded his head. "Why walk, when you can fly?" he told them and then went over to the fence. Iron Man used the computer screen in his helmet to scan ahead, off down the street into the big part of the city.

And that's when he saw them.

Giant ants.

Just like the little bug creatures that crawled around on his kitchen floor.

Only bigger. A lot, lot bigger. Like the size of a house.

And there were a whole bunch of them. Like an army. Like a giant army of giant ants!

"I have to warn The Avengers!" Iron Man said.

He turned to look at the children. "You kids get inside and hide under your desks. Hurry!" he cried.

Then he flew off to warn The Avengers about the army of giant ants.


They were all still standing around the car when Iron Man came flying back.

"What did you see, friend?" Thor asked him, as Iron Man pushed back the visor on his helmet.

"Ants," he told them.

"That's great, but what was attacking the city?" Captain America asked him.


They all just stared at him.

"Big, giant army of killer ants," Iron Man told them.

"Ooooohhhh," they all said.

"What is the problem with the car?" he asked Bruce.

"The radiator is broken," Bruce said and kicked the car in frustration.

"Calm yourself," Thor told him. "You will become agitated."

"I'm fine," Bruce grumbled.

"Are you going to Hulk-out now?" Hawkeye asked.

"No, I am not going to Hulk-out."

"Can you fix the radiator?" Iron Man asked.


"Why not? I thought you were super smart," Iron Man said.

"I can't magically fix broken things!" Bruce hollered. "I need a new radiator."

"Are you going to Hulk-out now?" Thor asked him.

"No!" Bruce hollered. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Okay," Captain America said. "Enough bickering. We have to stop the giant ants from destroying the city! Everyone get in the car and Iron Man can push us with his rocket thrusters."

So, once again, they all piled into the SUV. Except Iron Man, who got behind the car. His rocket thrusters started firing and he pushed the car. Hawkeye sat behind the wheel and steered them, as Iron Man moved them along towards the city.

But as fast as he could fly, he knew it wasn't fast enough. Ants were already in the city and the longer they took to get there, the more people who were getting hurt.


The giant ants were stepping on everything. People were running and screaming as giant ants stepped on cars, houses, movie theaters, banks and coffee shops.

"We have to stop them!" Captain America cried, as The Avengers' car came to a screeching halt on a busy city street.

Everyone climbed out of the SUV.

"I will attack them by throwing my giant hammer," Thor said.

"I will attack them with all of my arrows," Hawkeye said.

"I will attack them with my lasers," Iron Man said.

"I will attack them with my shield," Captain America said. Then he turned to Bruce Banner. "Now would be a good time for you to Hulk-out," he told Bruce.

Bruce shook his head. "I have The Hulk under control. I can't just turn like that. I have to be mad about something."

"Giant ants are attacking the city and smashing everything. Doesn't that anger you?" Thor asked him.

Bruce shrugged. "I am an Avenger. I am used to giant monsters attacking the city. It's kind of my job."

"Wait!" Hawkeye shouted. "I have an idea."

"Let's hear it," Captain America said.

"Okay, Bruce, here we go," Hawkeye said. "Knock-knock."

"What?" Bruce asked.

"I said knock-knock."

"Um. Who's there?"


"Ant who?"


"Who's there?"


"Ant who?"


"Who's there?!" Bruce hollered. He was getting kind of mad.

"Ant," Hawkeye said.

"ANT WHO?!" His whole body was starting to shake. He was getting really, really mad now.

"Knock-knock," Hawkeye said.

"Stop. Saying. That," Bruce growled and then suddenly his muscles were rippling. His whole body started changing. He got bigger. He got stronger. He got greener. And then...

He was The Hulk!

"There we go," Hawkeye said. "No problem."

"RRRAAAWWWRRR!" The Hulk bellowed.

"Hulk!" Captain America yelled and then he pointed towards the city, towards the army of giant ants. "Smash. Those. Ants!"

And then all The Avengers; Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America and Hawkeye, went rushing at the big ugly creatures, ready to fight.


Hulk got to the ants first, smashing his way down the street, hitting ants and buildings as he went. One ant was hit square in the face with Hulk's big hands. Another ant crashed into Hulk and then went flying, landing upside down on its back. The ant's giant legs were scrambling to get up, but it was stuck on its back, its body too big to flip over.

Some people came running out of a building just as a giant ant stepped on it. The outside walls started to come down on a woman's head. Captain America ran over and blocked the falling building with his shield. The pieces of concrete went bouncing off and away.

"Oh, thank you, Captain America," the woman said.

"No problem, ma'am," he told her and then went running off down the street to fight more ants.

"You should get underground," Thor told the people on the streets, most of whom were just screaming and yelling for help. "The ants are smashing everything up here. It is safest down below. Go into the subway tunnels and the sewers and stay safe."

The people went running for safety.

Up in the sky, Iron Man was getting a whole group of ants to chase him. He got them all in a big bunch and then signaled to Hawkeye, who was waiting on a rooftop. Hawkeye loaded his arrow - an explosive bomb - and then shot it straight at the ant in the middle of the group.

The arrow hit the ant right in the back and then the bomb inside it exploded and the whole ant blew up. All of the ants around it caught on fire. They screeched and wailed and then fell over.

"Good job!" Iron Man told Hawkeye.

"I've got eleven more arrows just like that," Hawkeye replied. "Think you can get more ants to chase you?"

"Let's find out," Iron Man said and went flying off towards another group of ants.

Back on the street, Thor threw his hammer. It hit an ant right in the eye and the creature ran mad down the street, half-blind. It was smashing buildings worse than ever now.

"It's headed straight for the ice cream parlour!" Iron Man shouted.

"No!" Hawkeye shouted back. "It can't. I'm still hungry for ice cream."

Hawkeye loaded an arrow - this one an electric taser arrow - and let it fly straight at the one-eyed ant. It stuck in the ant's butt and then the blue electricity came shooting out of it and the ant shook all over before falling to the ground.

The old man in the ice cream parlour waved at them in thanks.

Captain America was whacking an ant in the face with his shield when he saw it.

The biggest most giant ant of all.

The Queen Ant.

"Look!" he shouted at the others. "It is the queen ant."

"So?" Hawkeye asked.

"Don't you know anything about ants?" Captain America asked him. "They all take their orders from the queen. They go where she tells them to go."

"And if she is dead, will they just go home?" Thor asked him.

"Let's find out," Captain America said and all of the Avengers; Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America and Hawkeye, went rushing at the queen ant.

Thor threw his hammer.

Hulk smashed it with his fists.

Iron Man shot it with his lasers.

Captain America threw his shield at it.

Hawkeye shot it with his last bomb-arrow.

The biggest most giant ant screeched, shook its giant head, opened its giant mouth and then fell to the ground.

The Queen Ant was dead!

All of The Avengers ran out of the way until they were standing together on the street, waiting to see what would happen next.

The rest of the ants had stopped moving. They were just standing still.

Then, one by one, they turned around and walked back the way they had come. They headed out of the city.

"It worked!" Thor said and raised his hammer in the air. "They are leaving!"

All of The Avengers cheered.

Hulk smashed a car.

"Uh-oh," Captain America said. "The Hulk still wants to smash things."

"We must turn him back into Bruce Banner again," Thor told them. "But how?"

"Hey, Captain," Hawkeye said. "Knock-knock."

"Now is not the time for jokes!" Captain America shouted.

"Hey, Iron Man," Hawkeye said. "Knock-knock."

"Who's there?" Iron Man asked him.


"Ant who?"

Hulk stopped smashing cars to turn and look at them.

"Knock-knock," Hawkeye said again.

"Who's there?" Iron Man asked.

Hulk raised his arms in the air and came running towards them, angry and ready to fight. He didn't like this joke.

"Ant," Hawkeye said again.

"Ant who?" Iron Man asked.

"Ant you glad that fight is over?"

Iron Man laughed.

Thor laughed.

Captain America laughed.

The Hulk laughed. He stopped running. He put his arms down, no longer wanting to smash Hawkeye in the face. He just stood there and laughed. Big, green and laughing.

And then he started laughing so hard, that he wasn't green anymore. And he got smaller. And not so strong. And then suddenly...

He was Bruce Banner again!

"Good work," Captain America said.

"Funny joke," Bruce Banner said.

"I want some ice cream," Hawkeye said.

So they all went and knocked on the ice cream parlour door.

The old man inside opened the door. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"Are you open?" Captain America asked him.

"You fellows saved my life," the old man told him. "I am sure as heck open for you. How about some free ice cream on the house?"

So all The Avengers; Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America and Hawkeye, went inside and ate vanilla sundaes with chocolate fudge.

And sprinkles on top.

The End
Ironlily - Making My Marque: happybubblevikingprincess on May 16th, 2012 01:23 am (UTC)
This is so freakin' ADORABLE! I hope The Nephew loves his story-present!
dodger_sister: the avengersdodger_sister on May 18th, 2012 02:35 am (UTC)
Thank you, babe! I am sure The Nephew will read it a lot, because he has informed me that he read my X-men fic I wrote him "a whole bunch of times!"
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on May 18th, 2012 11:37 am (UTC)
Has he read it yet? Has he, has he? :P
dodger_sister: the avengersdodger_sister on May 26th, 2012 02:28 am (UTC)
The Nephew called to tell me that he did read it. "I liked the part best where Iron Man said maybe it'll be an ice cream monster, hey maybe it'll be an ice cream monster with sprinkles on top!" heehee

Then I asked him if he read the part about the kids on the playground and did he know who the little blonde boy was. He said he didn't know who that was, so I was like, "It's you, buddy! It's a kindergarten kid with blonde hair! It's suppose to be you." - "Oh, yeah it is!" lol
Ironlily - Making My Marquevikingprincess on May 26th, 2012 01:29 pm (UTC)
How adorable! Perhaps soon he will write his OWN story about taking the Avengers home because their van broke down and they were all hungry for ice cream. Or letting them share naptime at school because they were tired after fighting giant ants.
tenthrosetenthrose on May 17th, 2012 01:27 am (UTC)
This was hilarious. Comedy and a ridiculous premise while still being oddly in character for everyone involved. I love Tony and Clint being obsessed with ice cream.

'"I will attack them with my signature combat style," Avenger said' was complete comic gold.
dodger_sister: the avengersdodger_sister on May 18th, 2012 02:39 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!! I don't know why but I got it in my head that the fic should end with everyone eating ice cream and then it became a whole thing. I am glad you liked that part then!

"I will attack them with my signature combat style," Avenger said' was complete comic gold.

I am stupidly smiling right now. I wanted something that kids would just read as action-fun and that adults would get on that over-the-top humor level that often appears in kid's shows even though the kids don't realize it. I am super-psyched to hear it worked!

Thank you!
circ_bamboocirc_bamboo on May 17th, 2012 02:18 am (UTC)
I adore you for writing this. :)
dodger_sister: the avengersdodger_sister on May 18th, 2012 02:40 am (UTC)
Awwww, thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed it!
(Deleted comment)
dodger_sister: the avengersdodger_sister on May 26th, 2012 02:30 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!

If this was a picture book, I'd totally buy it for all the kids I know:)

That is the best compliment! This 'writing fic for kids' thing is fairly new to me, I am so glad you could see it as children's picture book. :)
ranuaranua on May 23rd, 2012 11:15 am (UTC)
The Nephew is one lucky, lucky boy to have you for an Auntie. This is a wonderful story. I love that Iron Man has Captain America pjs. (I do have me some serious Tony/Steve love ya know) And the joke to get Bruce to Hulk out and then calm down is priceless. I feel the same way about it! :D
dodger_sister: the avengersdodger_sister on May 26th, 2012 02:33 am (UTC)
The Nephew is one lucky, lucky boy to have you for an Auntie.

This is not untrue. ;) Thank you!

I love that Iron Man has Captain America pjs

Lol Excellent! Writing for a kid while at the same time, appeasing my slasher heart.

(I do have me some serious Tony/Steve love ya know)

I didn't know you shipped them! I read a bit of that pairing but after the movie, I see Bruce/Tony so hard. So, so hard.

I was dead serious when I asked The Nephew how that whole Hulk thing worked - I mean, getting angry is a lot easier than calming yourself down, after all.

Thanks for the love, babe! :)
wolfrider89: Av - Thor's hammer adoptedwolfrider89 on June 9th, 2012 06:44 pm (UTC)
Aaaw, this was awesome. Love the way you wrote it in a really child-friendly way. :)
dodger_sister: the avengersdodger_sister on June 12th, 2012 02:35 am (UTC)
Thanks, babe!!!

Love the way you wrote it in a really child-friendly way

Excellent! I think I have finally mastered wriing fic for a 6 year old. :) The Nephew called today and wanted another fic. Spoiled Monkey.